[Phoebe is about to give Rachel a massage]
[in a fake Swedish accent] Hello, ya! It's time for your massage, ya! Put your face in the hole!
Oh, a Swedish massage from a real Swedish person!
A normal Swedish name...Ikea.
What an interesting name. You know, I...
[interrupts her and pushes her head down] Time for your scalp massage!
[sees Phoebe's shoes through the hole] Wow! I really love- [gasps loudly]
No, it just...feels so good...Ikea! You'll know this, what's the capital of Sweden?
[to herself] Damn, I wish I knew if that was right!
[singing] Ipan stripan glupi glapi! And that's the Swedish National Anthem, thank you for asking!
Wow, what a rich culture! You know, I have a friend who's a masseuse!
She's not very good, though!
And why do you think that is?
I don't know! Maybe because she's got callousy fingers from playing a crummy guitar!
Or maybe she has trouble loosening your knots because you're such a high-maintenance tight-ass!
For a half-hour! Man, you can lie about Sweden!
How can you not tell me you work here?
I don't have to tell you everything!
Yes you do, if you're going to make me feel guilty for getting a free massage!
Why did you lie to me about working here?
I was ashamed! I sold out for the cash! They give me benefits like medical and dental and a 401! But you pay a price! Now I'm this corporate stooge, punching a clock, and paying taxes!
If you hate it, you should walk out there and quit! Be true to what you believe in! You have principles and I so admire that! I don't have any!
You're right, I am going to quit! It's time I took my life back!
[Phoebe leaves the room, then looks up at the ceiling and whispers]
If you guys had microphones in there, I didn't mean that! I love you!
CWCharlie Wheeler
First, I have to see the Met!
OK, let me stop you right there, the Mets suck. You wanna see the Yankees!
No, not the Mets. The Met. Singular.
Which one? They all suck!
