Terror grips a peaceful city. Terror that wears a loin cloth. His real name is Royce Mumphry, but police in five states know him as Cave Guy. Yes, Cave Guy: hostile, powerful, but also highly intelligent.
Only one hero can track down Cave Guy. Only one hero has the heart to fight this fiend. That hero is... [silhouette of Batman appears on the screen] on another network. Thus, we have no choice but to turn to this fellow. A teenage nerd, or is he...?
Low Bridge! Everybody Down, Low Bridge! Cave guy's underwear is brown! Brown, Brown, It looks like he's got the cooties, ootie! Goodbyyyyyye! Stop ya singing now! End the singing songs, stop, go. Enough with the songs, stop, [In quite voice] Bring it down, come down...(The people come down) Everybody "Shh, Shh" On this side of the room. Everybody, Shh Shh Shh... EVERYBODY DOWN!
Steph, you fibbed to Dex about washing your hair. If this were an afterschool special, oh, you would pay a bittersweet price for your little deceit. Like getting big oily zits! Or eating off the same plate as David Lee Roth! EW! BLUH! GOH! EW! OH! IT'S THE PLATE... AND HES BEEN ON IT! DON'T YOU UNDER... OW! THINK ABOUT IT! I'LL BE OVER TALKING TO JILL!
NO! GET OUTTA HERE WITH THAT WATCH! LAY OFF THE POOR BEAVERS, WILL YA?!? SHEESH! YOU'RE A CREEP! GO AWAY! WE WERE HAVING A GOOD TIME UNTIL YOU SHOWED UP, JEEPERS! UGH! GO HAVE SOME COFFEE, WITH CREAM, OR SOMETHING! BECAUSE I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING: THIS IS A HAPPY PLACE!
Hey, stop it! Pardon me, my mouth is a bit parched. [drinks a glass of water while Handman makes gulping noises] Aah! Thank you. That was a-very refreshing!
'Cause I-I wanted to do one of those funny things, like on - you ever watch F Troop? - where Agarn says "There's no way I'm wearin' a dress! Absolutely not! No dress!" And Forrest Tucker's like, "Yeah, you're wearin' that dress! You're gonna wear that dress!" And they wipe - blblblblblblblb - and Agarn's wearin' a dress!
[quick cut to a clip from F Troop of Agarn, crossdressed]
