(Excitedly) Ted, Ted, would you like a peanut?
You woke me up to offer me a peanut? God, Dougal. Let's get back to sleep.
(Ted falls asleep and starts dreaming again. He is running terrified down a hill, being chased by giant peanuts.)
S2Flight into Terror
God, I can't wait to see what's under tomorrow's window. I bet it's a donkey or something.
Really? So, you've changed from your initial prediction of... what was it again? "Ruud Gullit sitting on a shed." God, Dougal, where do you get these ideas from? I bet it's just a lovely angel. What do you think's under tomorrow's window, Father?
A pair of feckin' women's knickers!
Who knows...
Knickers!
Yes, Father.
Women's knickers!
Yes, Father, Yes! Message understood.
Oh God, Dougal. We're in Lingerie!
Where's the problem there, Ted?
Who's got the most boring voice?
BBilly
What?
Of the lot of us, who's got the most boring voice?
FFitzgerald
(extremely dull voice) That'd be me, Ted...
Right, now, listen to me--
FFitzgerald
I have an awful dreary monotonous voice, God help me...
Yes, yes, now listen--
RReilly
(loud stage voice) Ted! Were you asking for a dramatic, exciting voice?
FFitzgerald
No. He said boring. He wanted a boring voice.
RReilly
In that case, you must excuse me for my impetuous interruption!
Listen! This is what we're going to do...
(to Father Terry) What's going on?
TTerry
I think Ted has a plan.
No, I mean in general.
TTerry
Well, he's going to get us out of the lingerie section.
FFitzgerald
(speaking into intercom, boring voice) Ladies and gentlemen, could you please bring your purchases to the checkout as the store is about to close. Hurry up. Come on, hurry up, will ye...
(customers begin to walk towards the gathered priests)
(grabbing the microphone) Not that way, for feck's sake, the other way!
"Welcome to Priest Chatback – if you're under 18 or not a priest, please hang up now..."
Hello, is that being vaguely unhappy but not being able to figure out exactly why?
P1Priest 1
No, this is 'how to break the news of a death.'
P2Priest 2
We were just talking about techniques, I say it's best to just get it over quickly, 'Your husband's dead and he's not coming back, get used to it!'
P1Priest 1
Ah, yes, but sometimes a few little hints help, like 'remember how your husband USED to love a good laugh!'"
FGFather Gallagher
Shouldn't we not just have a bit of an old pray, and maybe God will help us, and...
[He trails off, noticing that all the other priests are cringing in mortification, and promptly sits back down]
Aaaaanyway...
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Father Ted pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.