Barb Howard quotes from Fallout

Barb Howard

The only way to save our family is to save the world. Simple.

Cooper Howard

[Sneaks up and hugs Barb from behind]

Barb Howard

Ooh!

Cooper Howard

Mmm.

Barb Howard

I’m at work.

Cooper Howard

Oh, how ’bout we clock out?

Barb Howard

[Chuckles] Oh.

Cooper Howard

Huh? Nothing against these colleagues of yours, but what do you say you and me knock back a couple of piña coladas by the pool, listen to the hi-fi.

Barb Howard

Mm. There is a wrap party.

Cooper Howard

What, a... a wrap party? For this?

Barb Howard

Yes.

Cooper Howard

[Sighs] All right. We go for a couple of hours, we shake a few hands…

Barb Howard

It’s at our house.

Cooper Howard

[Sighs] The things I’m willing to do for you never cease to amaze me.

Barb Howard

Mm.

Barb Howard

It doesn't get any better than this.

Cooper Howard

Nope, it does not. [cautiously] You ever...think about working somewhere else?

Barb Howard

I used to. But with you doing these ads, it's practically the family business. Maybe we can get Janey a job in payroll when she's 15.

Cooper Howard

I think about it. Quitting showbiz. Buying us a ranch up in Bakersfield. Go back to being a real cowboy again.

Barb Howard

And what would I do?

Cooper Howard

You would look pretty? And help me raise chickens?

Barb Howard

[laughs] No.

Cooper Howard

You would look very good in a pair of overalls.

Barb Howard

[getting out of the hot tub] What's gotten into you?

Cooper Howard

A gin martini. [sighs] I don't know. Maybe I've been reading too much news lately. Got me second-guessing the whole city life.

Barb Howard

Oh come on, you've seen these around.

Cooper Howard

Not on you, I haven't.

Barb Howard

Bud Askins. He licensed these from RobCo. We're integrating them with the Vault-Tec access systems.

Cooper Howard

[rolls his eyes] Bud Askins.

Barb Howard

Bud Askins. Trust me, I know. The company's filled with guys like him. But Vault-Tec exists, with or without me. Doesn't do anyone any good to complain from the sidelines.

Cooper Howard

All I'm saying is, we've got one life. Do you really want to spend your nine-to-five working with these assholes?

Barb Howard

I need this job, Coop. It guarantees us a spot in one of the Vaults.

Cooper Howard

We got money. We can buy a spot in one of the Vaults...

Barb Howard

One of the good Vaults.

Cooper Howard

[taken aback] What's that supposed to mean?

Barb Howard

I...I'm doing what I can. Just trust me. Please?

Barb Howard

It's going to be hard on her, that's all.

Cooper Howard

What is?

Barb Howard

You know. "No Dogs in the Vault."

Cooper Howard

[surprised] Says who?

Barb Howard

Hmm?

Cooper Howard

"No Dogs in the Vault." Says who?

Barb Howard

Well, that's just...that's the policy. You know, dogs eat meat. It's an avoidable inefficiency.

Cooper Howard

Yeah...that's not really the question, is it? All I'm asking is, who decided there were were no dogs in the Vault?

Barb Howard

Well I think that is a relatively trivial concern, given the prerequisite conditions of us living in a nuclear fallout shelter.

Cooper Howard

You know, I'm not sure that it is, to be quite honest. [Barb sighs] I'm serious! Who makes the rules? Because "No Dogs Allowed," that is a new rule! Somebody decided that and didn't share it with fucking anyone! I mean, what else do you have in store for us? Are the blue jumpsuits mandatory? What if I don't want to wear a blue one? What if I want to wear a green one?

Barb Howard

So the Bomb falls and you want to know about your wardrobe?

Cooper Howard

No, I want to know about my freedom! I didn't go to war defending that freedom so I could live in a cellar under the bootheel of Chairman Bud Askins.

Barb Howard

While you were away at war, I stayed home.

Cooper Howard

I know you did...

Barb Howard

I was checking the mail every day...

Cooper Howard

I know.

Barb Howard

I was waiting by the phone every night, and every night I was driving myself crazy imagining the worst. So you do not need to tell me how bad war is, Coop. Every day I go into work, and I think about how humanity can survive a nuclear event that will wipe out 90% of life on earth. And I come home, and you're talking to me about hiding out on a ranch up in Bakersfield? I don't even know what planet you're on sometimes, Coop! But when the bombs drop, a two-hour drive ain't gonna cut it! So yes, there will be no dogs in the Vault, and no, none of it is ideal. But if billions of people are going to lose their lives, I will do whatever it takes to make sure that the people I love - and that is you and that is Janey - aren't among them. I have worked hard to make sure we go into a special Vault for Management. Where we will oversee all the other Vaults. [Cooper looks at her with disapproval] You don't get it! That is the best we can possibly hope for! For Janey.

Even if you outlive all external threats, here's my problem with the vaults. You confine a bunch of rats in a nest for a long time, they end up eating each other. So who's to say your rats are gonna survive better than those animals on the surface? There's a lot of earning potential with the end of the world. You're talking about making a significant investment, based on a hypothetical. How can you guarantee results?

Barb Howard

By dropping the bomb ourselves.

Barb Howard

A nuclear event would be a tragedy, but also an opportunity. Perhaps the greatest opportunity in history, because when we are the only ones left, there will be no one left to fight. A true monopoly. This is our chance to make war obsolete, because in our current societal configuration, which took shape without intentional guidance, we have friction, we have conflict, and we have war. And war, well... war never changes.

Cooper Howard

Last night, I was thinking about when I proposed to you. Catalina. We walked out to that romantic point. The rocks were all covered in seagull shit. I'll never forget the sound it made when I took a knee. You know the thing that I can't figure out? Were you a monster back then? Or did you become one later?

Barb Howard

Excuse me?

Cooper Howard

War never changes. I know what you're planning to do, Barb.

Barb Howard

I know more than you know. There are more than twelve thousand nuclear warheads...

Cooper Howard

I am not a board member, I am your husband, and I don't care about your fucking statistics.

Barb Howard

Statistics? This is about Janey!

Cooper Howard

So for our daughter, you would kill millions of people?

Barb Howard

Don't do that! Do not do that...

Cooper Howard

Billions of people! Other mothers just like you! Other daughters just like our daughter!

Barb Howard

Wouldn't you? For Janey, wouldn't you?

Barb Howard

This is not one of your movies with a happy ending. There is nothing we can do. If there was, I would have done it. I have tried to do it. This deal is going forward whether we like it or not. Please, look at me. I am your wife. You know me.

Cooper Howard

I don't. I don't know you, Barbara.

Barb Howard

Where are you going?

Cooper Howard

To fucking do something.

Barb Howard

After all this, I'm thinking Bakersfield isn't such a bad idea.

Cooper Howard

After all this, I'm thinking we go as far as Colorado.