Thaddeus quotes from Fallout

Thaddeus

I thought I had it. I thought I had it, I really did. I thought I had it. It was just like… [Mimics whooshing with Maximus laughing] When you ripped that thing inside out and its guts went flying everywhere? I thought I was dead meat. That was really special.

[Distortedly] Yeah, it was kind of special.

Thaddeus

Wait. You should brand me.

Uh, I don’t know.

Thaddeus

But I- I’m not officially your squire until you brand me.

It’s late.

Thaddeus

Come on.

Are you sure? It really hurts.

Thaddeus

I want you to. I want you to. Please.

All right. Yeah, let’s do it.

Thaddeus

It is your most sacred duty to protect the Brotherhood. After which, it is your most sacred duty to protect me, Knight Titus. Do you accept?

Oh, yeah. You bet I do. [Chuckles] Okay, hold still. [Sears Thaddeus's back with hot metal who screams and Maximus chuckles] Almost done.

Thaddeus

Oh... [Wails and grunts]

Told you. It hurts.

Thaddeus

[Laughs] Oh... Oh, man. [groans] Still pretty hot. Ah, thank you, Knight Titus.

Yep, yeah.

Thaddeus

I cannot wait to return to base and see the look on everyone’s faces when they see us return with the target. Oh, man. Titus and Thaddeus. The T-Boys! Yeah. [Exhales]

Thaddeus

Hey, look, uh... before we go back to the... [chuckles] to the base... there’s probably something I... I- I should tell you.

Thaddeus

Yeah. I mean, whatever you want. I’m officially your squire now. You can tell me anything. Goals, insecurities, thoughts, regrets. Love life stuff? I don’t care.

Actually, it’s, uh... [lifts visor] Maximus.

Thaddeus

Uh- Uh, we can still be friends.

Thaddeus

What did you do? Where’s Knight Titus?

Oh, he’s... he’s dead. So, you know... we... you and I, we- we just have to get our story straight before we go back.

Thaddeus

They’re gonna kill you.

No, I mean, they don’t have to find out.

Thaddeus

It’s the Brotherhood! They’ll find out! I should have known better than to trust you!

I’m sorry. [Steps on Thaddeus's foot to restrain him] Stop moving!

Thaddeus

[Grunts] Get off me! [takes the fusion core, shutting down Maximus' power armor]

Thadd... Thaddeus. No, don’t.. Don’t leave me in here. I’ll fucking kill you, Thaddeus!

Thaddeus

You should have! Can’t believe I let you fucking brand me!

Thaddeus?! Don’t leave me here!

Thaddeus

[Grabs Siggi Wilzig's head] This stinky old head’s mine now! [Walks away with duffel bag]

No! Get back here. Please. Please, please, no. Don’t leave me in here. Thaddeus! Get back here. Thaddeus! I’ll kill you! I swear I’ll kill you!

[Running after Thaddeus] Excuse me!

Thaddeus

Aah!

Don’t kill me. I’m a doctor. I can help you. Haven’t run into many people traveling with a human head.

Thaddeus

Oh, this? It’s not... It’s nothing really, it’s more of a... I have to... It’s a souvenir kind of thing.

Oh, yeah? [Walking through semi-sand-submerged house window] Welcome to my humble pharmacy. Have a seat, my dear boy, and let’s take a look at that tattered tootsy of yours. [Thaddeus takes off boot and sock] Oh... Oh. I’ve seen this condition before.

Thaddeus

Uh, someone stepped on my foot.

Yes. Sometimes fatal. But you’re in luck, ’cause I’ve got the cure. [Turns to table of medicines] I have, in my possession, serums and potions for every malady and misfortune that could possibly beset a wandering traveler such as yourself.

Thaddeus

[Salesman hears Thaddeus's pistol hammer clicks and sees raising his pistol at him from mirror] What’s stopping me from just killing you and taking your whole thing of drugs?

Well, when it comes to serums, not many people know the difference between the noxious and the benign. A murky hue of green could aid the humors. A brackish tint of shamrock, and... [blows raspberry] That’s the sound of your lower intestine falling right the fuck out. [Waves vials in both hands] But which is which? Which is which...

Thaddeus

Fine. Just give me the right one.

Okay. Before we start, there’s the small matter of my fee.

Thaddeus

I don’t have caps, but.. [Produces fusion core]

Oh, my. Is- is that a.. fusion core? You don’t see those around much anymore, do you? But, if you do want to survive... not a bad trade.

Thaddeus

Okay, here.

Okay, let’s get started. This elixir I have concocted heals all. And I mean everything. But I must warn you, the taste: not great.

Thaddeus

Just give it!

Okay. [Thaddeus inhales sharply with Salesman laughing heartily] I’m sorry!

Thaddeus

But the results...

Yes? The results! [Thaddeus gasps as his foots heals immediately]

Thaddeus

Holy shit. Holy shit! Ah, thank you!

Sure thing, buddy boy! Ah... [Slams briefcase shut]

Thaddeus

Hey man.

Hey.

Thaddeus

So...what you been up to?

I think I just started a war.

Thaddeus

Oh. Okay. Yeah, well, I'm the floor manager here, so...it sounds like we both got a lot going on right now.

We'll give it [the Cold Fusion diode] to a good person.

Thaddeus

Name a good person.

That girl I met.

Thaddeus

The Vault Dweller? [scoffs] Yeah, I'd be a good person too if I grew up on top of a mountain of food and supplies in some cozy little impenetrable home. I wouldn't look like this, that's for sure. Wouldn't have to steal, and stab, and fib all the goddamn time just to get by. But if we sell it, guess what? Then we'll be rich. And then we'll have the means to be one of those "good people" you're talking about. I've seen a lot of things. Crazy things. But good people? No.

Where were you born again, Thaddeus?

Thaddeus

The Boneyard. The Shithole side of the Boneyard.

Guess I'm the lucky one. I came from Shady Sands. I remember good people.

Thaddeus

Well, if you're the lucky one, we're both screwed.

Where are we going?

Lucky 38.

Thaddeus

Then we're going in the wrong direction. Vegas is that way.

You wanna save the girl, you're gonna have to get into an impenetrable Vault. Same Vault my family's in. To get there, you're gonna have to cross the Strip. You wanna cross the Strip, you're gonna have to kill a pack of Deathclaws. We need to kit up.

So Lucy's in Las Vegas?

I can see why the two of you got along so well.

Why's that?

Cuz you ask a lot of goddamn questions.

Thaddeus

Why are they all staring at us?

Never underestimate the power of brand recognition.