Everybody Loves Raymond · Season 1
Ray, Robert is still here.
Hey, Robert! What are you doing here?
I had a suspicion I needed to confirm.
Robert, what's wrong?
I don't think Michael loves me anymore.
What are you talking about?
He's not like Geoffrey, he seems standoffish.
You do know Michael is a baby, right?
Just a feeling. Cop's instinct. He wants nothing to do with me.
[Ray and Debra are going over their bills.]
According to this, we can afford a car phone.
No. No car phone.
Why? Why do you fight technology?
I'm against technology?
Yeah.
Who introduced you to Wonderbra?
All three kids asleep. You thought I couldn't get Ally to take a nap.
Good job, honey.
Yeah. By the way, tomorrow we have to buy a pony.
Would you look at this great big stain here? The carpet guy swore up and down that he could get it out.
I don't want to hear about stains. The kids are asleep, the house is quiet. Now it's quality time. Just me and you.
[Ray starts reading the newspaper.]
You better be looking at jewelry ads.
[Marie barges into the house.]
Your father has finally done it.
What's that, learned to buckle his pants?
I've got the complete works of Arnold Schwarzenegger, except the one where he gets pregnant.
Where's Frank?
By now he's probably taping the toilet seat so he never has to flush.
Ray! She's in there chiseling my head stone!
[To Ray, about Marie] Anything she cooks for me you're tasting first.
You hear that?
No, I don't hear anything.
That’s the sound of all our clothes being refolded.
It's the celery that makes "tuna salad" tuna salad. What you gave me was tuna slop!
I can be sweet....it takes people time to discover that.
Robert, just do what I do; tell him you're tired and he'll climb off.
So, how are things going with you, Robert?
Well, you know, one day you're rescuing a puppy, the next you're fishing a skull out of a toilet.
These people shouldn't be at the same table together. They shouldn't be in the same state!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Everybody Loves Raymond pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
