Bright Abbott quotes from Everwood

Ephram

Well, you could be a gigolo.

Bright

Dude, you're forgetting I'm like, twice your size.

Ephram

No, seriously, go pro 'man whore.' Combine all your natural talents. Plus, no tie, flexible hours.

Bright

Maybe I should just join a convent.

Ephram

That's nuns!

Bright

I know.

Bright

Hannah, if you say 'thank you' or 'sorry' one more time, I think I'm gonna have to kill myself.

Hannah

Sorry.

Bright

Problems?

Hannah

Just a little frustrated with God right now. I mean, He talks to Joan of Arcadia, like, five times a week. Tells her to go out for cheerleading. My problem is way bigger, and I can't even get His attention.

Bright

Boyfriend? Topher's not Hannah's boyfriend.

Ephram

They've gone on three dates; he took her to prom. What else would you call him?

Bright

Personally, I'd call him an asshat!

Bright

You're cooking?

Hannah

Don't worry, you don't have to eat it if it's bad.

Bright

No, it's not that...

Hannah

I had to learn early, you know? I'm just giving you the heads up in case you want to order pizza.

Bright

No, it's just, you've been doing this for your family for like, ever, it just doesn't seem right that you have to do it for mine too.

Hannah

It feels right to me.

Amy

You're not the only one in the room Narcissus.

Bright

I thought we agreed that you were going to stop insulting me in Spanish.

Amy

Grandma's wedding doesn't count as a date, loser.

Bright

I'm in a tux! It's a date.

Amy

You're an idiot.

Amy

Oh my God Bright, you have to let Reid be your new roommate.

Bright

Why? So you can stalk him outside the hospital?

Amy

I am not stalking him, I'm admiring him. Those are two very different verbs.

Ephram

I love parties.

Bright

Since when? You're a social black hole, all light goes into you and dies.

Ephram

Alright, first of all, it's not certain that light is conscious, so it can't die.

Rose

But I'm not Lance Armstrong...

Bright

No. You're better. You're my mom.

Hi gentlemen, I am Father Patrick.

Bright

Hi Father, sorry about the hell thing.

It's not a problem. Have either of you ever thought about...

Bright

Oh, don't waste your breath, Padre. [Points at Ephram] Jewish. [Points at himself] Lost cause. Ready to go?

Ephram

Where is Delia?

Bright

[looking around] I don't know. I bet she's got a job by now.

Ephram

You're supposed to watch her, right? She is just a little kid. You can't let her walk ...

Bright

Sorry! Sometimes I forget how young she is. She's got the Dakota Fanning thing going on, she acts like a 40 year old. She freaks me out.

Bright

So um... what do you mean by not believing in premarital sex?

Hannah

Well, anything with the word 'sex' in it, I'm not comfortable.

Bright

How about the word 'job'?

Bright

She's not going to have premarital sex until she's married.

Ephram

That's uh... nevermind.

Bright

Do you have the padres with you?

Ephram

No I don't know where they are. They're probably making out.