Bright Abbott quotes from Everwood

Ephram

Madison's sleeping over tonight!

Bright

That's awesome! All systems go!?

Bright

[about Madison] Dude, come on! She is signaling the pitch!

Ephram

Please don't use sports metaphors... I need to understand what you're saying.

Bright

She's achin' for some Brown lovin'. Dish it up and serve it hot my friend.

Ephram

It's amazing, I, I didn't think things could get any better, or, or I could like her any more, but I do. This is what you were warning me about, huh? You knew I was gonna feel this way.

Bright

Well, I don't think I used the word "feel." I might of used the word "feel up." That's totally different.

Bright

[about sunglasses] These are cool. I don't know if they do me justice. I mean, they look good, but do they say I'm a genius?

Ephram

No because they don't speak.

Bright

[about Ephram and Madison] Yeah, having sex with a rock goddess tends to have an effect on a guy.

Amy

They're sleeping together?

Bright

Whad'ya think they were doing this whole time, playing solitaire [pause] or some other two-person card game?

Bright

[to Amy and Ephram] Hmmm... sit here with the bitter twins or free internet porn. Excuse me. [Leaves]

Amy

Hmm, bitter twins. He's getting funnier.

Bright

No, you don't get it. My life is about to start to suck. Big time. I'm going to be that weird guy who graduates and never leaves. Like Johnny Richter.

Amy

That guy who works at Sal's?

Bright

See, he doesn't even work there. You just think he does 'cause he hangs out there so much. C'mon, guys. I need this night to be awesome.

Amy

There's just no point. If Ephram wanted to go with me, he would ask me.

Bright

No he wouldn't.

Amy

Yes he would.

Bright

Do you think he's a glutton for punishment? A total glutton for punishment? You rejected the guy like six-hundred times last year. He's not gonna out on a limb and ask you. Even if he was dying to.

Harold

You'll never guess who I ran into today.

Bright

Paris Hilton.

Harold

Who? No.

Bright

They stop because they can't help themselves. It's not like they wanna see a bunch of body parts spewed all over the road, you know. Intellectually speaking they know that would make them hurl. But they stop anyways, because they can, because it's there.

Ephram

So according to this rationale, seeing Madison's band will make me wanna hurl, so that's a reason to go? Interesting theory.

Bright

I'm totally going into medicine.

Amy

You might have to start by going to college first.

Bright

Truth is, Ephram, there is a silver lining. You just fail to see it. I think that's part of your problem.

Ephram

Thank you, Dr. Phil.

Bright

No, seriously. You came here on your first day and you met Amy. Because you're all wiggy in love with her, it takes your mind off what probably would've been a pretty nightmare year.

Ephram

I was not wiggy.

Ephram

Isn't fraternizing with a coworker, like, illegal?

Bright

[Laughs] I don't know what you just said, man, but it's not like we're frat brothers.

Ephram

It's like tragedy's the only thing we have in common. It's practically the reason we're friends.

Bright

So, you know, at least we all found each other. We are friends.

Ephram

But the point is, we got screwed. We're like way older than it says on our driver's licenses.

Hannah

Are we getting beamed somewhere?

Bright

How cool would that be!