Ray Vecchio quotes from Due South

Vecchio

Yo, you guys wanna move, or do you want to find out what fine Italian footwear tastes like?

Vecchio

You know what your problem is, Fraser? You can't do around compulsively telling people the truth. They just don't want to hear it.

Vecchio

Are you telling that story for my benefit? Because a) I don't believe it and b) I don't care.

Vecchio

All right, MacDonald - you wanna tell us who wants you dead, excluding the immediate occupants of this car?

Vecchio

My shoe! Mother Nature just ate my shoe!

One solid oak bar, sixteen tables, twelve chairs, one etched mirror, six by nine, one antique pool table, two doors, thirty-two bottles of liquor, and a Pabst Blue Ribbon neon clock. Does this seem like a fairly accurate list of the damages, Detective Vecchio?

Ray Vecchio

I don't believe the pool table was an antique, sir.

Oh, well we'll never know now, will we? Because all that's left is this bag of felt.

Ray

I sought refuge behind the item in question when the suspect pointed a shot gun in my direction and fired repeatedly, sir.

Suspect. I'm glad we finally got around to that because I would hate to think we were responsible for all this damage without a very good reason. You say you identified him by his nose?

Ray

Yes, sir.

You didn't say something about his nose, causing him to fire repeatedly into the bar?

Ray

Ah, no sir.

You just felt that his nose was so offensive that you decided to pursue and arrest him?

Ray

Captain, the suspect is a known felon and you see, I had this hunch that--

You had a hunch? [laughs] A hunch! And you coupled your hunch with with your positive identification of his nose? And this was the basis of your investigation? An investigation which resulted in injury of seven people, three with gun shot wounds, two with broken limbs, one hospitalized with a concussion, and one who claims to have been bitten by a wolf.

Ray

The wolf was just trying to help, sir.

[sarcastically] They usually are!

Ray Vecchio

Okay, okay. It was the mud right? You knew it came off his shoe because when you sniffed it, it smelled like...mud! I mean, what else does mud smell like?

Benton Fraser

Perhaps it was something off the floor of the bar.

Ray

Wood? No, no, no. Beer and maybe peanut shells. And when you tasted it - which, by the way, I can't believe you put that in your mouth - you tasted the salt from the peanut shells and knew that he had been here, right?

Fraser

Wrong. I guessed. I had a hunch.

Ray

No, no, no, no. You don't have hunches. I have hunches.

Fraser

I had one of your hunches, Ray. Felt good.

Ray

And what was it with the mud? You put mud in your mouth.

Fraser

Ray, she was looking out the window and I simply made her believe I found something.

Ray

You made her believe you were a mud-eater. I can't believe I'm sitting in the same car with you!

Fraser

Where's this address?

Ray

Why? What are you gonna do? Tell him to surrender or you're gonna eat something off the curb?

Ray Vecchio

So we got some fishing rods, a rifle last used by Chuck Conners, and a bag of rice. So what's your plan?

Benton Fraser

We wait for them to come.

Ray

Yeah? And?

Fraser

Then we arrest them.

Ray

You see that's such a simple plan that the American mind automatically tends to discount it, so let me run it back to you: We wait here. Gerard and God knows who else comes - sometime when? We're not sure. And then, when we least expect it, they shoot us dead with automatic weapons. Any part I left out?

Fraser

Yes. I need Gerard alive to testify, so we can't kill him.

Ray

Oh, I don't think we're in any danger of doing that.

Benton Fraser

When I graduated from the Academy my father gave me one piece of advice. He said, "Always..." No, he said, "Never..." Well, actually, he gave me two pieces of advice but I've forgotten the other one. But the important one is, "Never chase a man over a cliff."

Ray Vecchio

That's supposed to mean something in Canadian, isn't it?

Ray Vecchio

...Listen, I just want to know if you can really smell what's in mud? 'Cause I've been following this guy... [Ray gets no response from Fraser] Are you listening to me? I can't believe it! I get my ass blown off for you and you can't even nod! [still nothing] Okay, how about winking? [nothing] Winking's against the law?!

Ah, when he gets off work can you give him this? It's the hundred he lent me.

Ray Vecchio

Fraser, you do not want to live in this neighborhood. Cops do not live in areas like this. Most people we bust won't live here.

Benton Fraser

Why? It's central, convenient. I could walk to work in seven minutes.

Ray

Not without backup.

Ray Vecchio

Do me a favor, let's just turn around. I'll take you back to your hotel.

Fraser

No, I can't. I checked out - the windows wouldn't open.

Ray

Fraser, this is Chicago. The only reason to open a window is to get a better aim.

Dennis

Yo, I found the key.

Benton Fraser

I'll be right up, sir. [whispers] Ray, Ray, Ray.

Ray Vecchio

What?

Fraser

Is my lanyard straight?

Ray

[referring to Dennis] He's a slum lord !

Benton Fraser

Would you like to see my references now?

Dennis

References?

Ray

It's like a rap sheet.

Dennis

[gives a look] No, that's okay.

Ray Vecchio

Well, where is he?

Benton Fraser

Who?

Ray

The kid! The purse-snatcher! Where is he?! I wanna book him.

Fraser

I let him go.

Ray

You let him go ?

Fraser

Well he apologized and promised never to do it again.

Ray

[incredulous] You just let him go?

Fraser

Not without a stern warning. Also, he gave me this.

Ray

Does the word "incarcerate" mean anything to you?

Fraser

Well, it's from the Medieval Latin, "incarcerata" ...

Ray

Medieval Latin? You let a perp go and and you're giving me Medieval Latin?

Fraser

Actually, "perpetrator" is also Latin from "perpetrare" ...

Ray

Shut up, okay? Just shut up.