A character in Dragon Hunters
Voiced by Rick Jones
Dragon Hunters · 54 quotes
Most-quoted character in Dragon Hunters: in 50 of its 54 quotes
Most scenes with: Lian-Chu (16), Jennyline (7), Zaza (5)
GWIZDO, LIAN-CHU, GET DOWN HERE!
[Gwizdo wakes with a start and Lian-Chu tumbles out of the top bunk]
GwizdoOoh.
[As Jennyline blows a bugle call, the two men hurry downstairs. Jennyline is standing, arms akimbo]
I hope you're proud of yourselves now, wise guys!
Gwizdo[stretching] Oh, yeah. We forgot to do the dishes yesterday. Eh, that's it, right?
[Jennyline grabs Gwizdo by the front of his shirt]
Zaza has disappeared!
I like this Spartan lifestyle. No frills. It's ideal for concentration.
[Gwizdo tosses and turns on his bed of straw]
Gwizdo[sarcastically] You don't say.
I feel sorry for those old men. It's weird. Maybe it's just the candlelight, but I got the feeling Albagore has aged since we got here. Say, Gwizdo, can you explain your plan to me?
GwizdoHmm.
Since it's complicated and all?
GwizdoLian-Chu, there is no complicated plan. I just said that to impress the clients, so they think they're gettin' their money's worth. You get it?
But what about the plan you drew?
[Gwizdo sits up]
GwizdoTotal bluff. Tomorrow we cross the bridge, wait for the monster and slay it with a slingshot. Wham bam, thank you ma'am, fork over the money, we hope to see you again someday.
[Lian-Chu looks at Gwizdo incredulously]
GwizdoLian-Chu, I just thought of something. Today's the seventh day of the harvest month in the Year of the Bull.
Yes, and?
[Gwizdo gets out an elaborate calendar. He presses a button and a number of arrows and symbols pop out]
GwizdoWell, we have a little problem, because today in Zimbrenelle and surrounding areas, the calendar calls for an eclipse... [The cave suddenly goes dark] ... of the sun.
Gwizdo, I'm not sure, but you know our promised land? I think this might be it.
GwizdoHuh? Do you have frostbite on the brain?
You know, where people accept us for who we are, and welcome us. Our real place in the world. Well, I think it's here.
GwizdoWhat sort of gobbledygook are you comin' up with?
You're the one who brought it up when we left the inn.
[Gwizdo looks surprised]
GwizdoFirst of all, I doubt I ever said any such thing. And secondly, even if I did, it was just to reassure ya. I know how hard it was for you to leave the inn.
So you lied to me?
GwizdoOf course not. I didn't lie to ya. I was just improvisin' a bit.
[Lian-Chu sags a bit. Gwizdo sees Lian-Chu's expression and looks worried. He goes to the wall Lian-Chu is leaning on and sits on it]
GwizdoDon't you think I was terrified too, with the idea of leavin' it all behind? All I wanted was to run right back to the inn to my big soft bed, the toasty fireplace and Jennyline's delicious cookin'. If I said that, it was just to reassure me, too.
So you want to go back to the inn, too.
GwizdoMore than ever, Lian-Chu. More than ever before.
But what about the pride of dragon hunters?
GwizdoWhen yer cold and hungry, dragon pride can take a hike.
[as he listens to Billy's story, Lian-Chu sees tears streaming from Gwizdo's eyes]
Are you crying, Gwizdo?
[Gwizdo dries his eyes]
Gwizdo[voice choked and quavering] Course not, you big oaf. I just got some dust in my eye.
Listen, Billy. Gwendolyn isn't Gwendolyn.
[Billy looks at Lian-Chu for a split second, then buries his face into Gwizdo's chest and sobs]
Gwizdo[dryly] You know, Lian-Chu, you have a real talent for comfortin' people. A real talent.
GwizdoI haven't been that good in months! They were eatin' right outta my hand! Ready to empty their pockets in gold.
Don't worry. You can finish your story later.
GwizdoFat chance. Later they'll be stuffed and half-asleep. And once they've paid for their meal, they won't have a sliver of gold left.
[Gwizdo is sitting on the ground cross-legged, clutching the contract and trying in vain not to cry]
What's wrong, Gwizdo? Is the contract that bad?
Gwizdo[voice choked] On the contrary. It's the most beautiful contract I've ever seen and it's gonna make us rich.
So, you're feeling better, then?
[Gwizdo's face morphs into an ugly gurn, his eyes brimming with tears]
GwizdoOn the contrary. I've never felt so awful in my life. You can even negotiate better contracts that I can.
[He bursts out sobbing]
GwizdoI'm such a loser!
Gwizdo, there's someone here to see you.
Gwizdo[blearily] Someone to see me? With my luck, it's someone I owe money to. [He shuts the door of his room] I'm going back to bed. Wake me up when he's gone, okay? Better yet, wake me up three days after he's gone.
I never understood why Lian-Chu never told me his village was destroyed by a dragon.
GwizdoLian-Chu and I are hunters, Zaza, and we hunters never whine about our misfortune.
I don't get it. It seems to me you whine pretty much all the time, Gwizdo.
GwizdoZaza, let me make things clear. You're here because your mother wanted you out of her hair. It wasn't my idea, I certainly don't need your help to find Lian-Chu!
Maybe, but you need me to talk to him.
GwizdoHa! Now that's a good one. If anybody here can talk to my friend Lian-Chu, it's me.
Okay, so why didn't he say anything to you, then? Why didn't he say it was the anniversary of the destruction of his village?
Gwizdo[raging] Hector, hold me back or I'm gonna do something I'll regret!
GwizdoHow's it goin', big buddy?
[Lian-Chu hangs his head sadly. Gwizdo awkwardly looks around]
You should have seen it, Gwizdo. There was nothing left. Only ruins. A massacre.
[Gwizdo looks sympathetic] I try not to think about it. It hurts too much.
GwizdoI know what you're sayin', Lian-Chu. I feel the same way about my family.
Huh? Really? So you're not mad at me about the contract, then?
GwizdoAh, come on. Contracts are a dime a dozen. Although this one was a real beauty. We were gonna make a fortune, a mountain of gold. I had it all planned. The dragon was a wuss. We woulda bagged him without breakin' a sweat and walked off with more gold than we've ever seen.
Lian-Chu! Feather! [He goes to where Gwizdo is sitting on a log and dozing and tickles his nose. The dragon hunter wakes up, annoyed]
GwizdoStop it, Hector, I was tryin' to take a nap. You want me to SHOVE THAT STUPID FEATHER DOWN YOUR THROAT?!
I fear the worst.
Gwizdo[sarcastically] It's so nice when you try to cheer me up.
[to Zaza] He is the nicest, loveliest, kindest, handsomest, richest man I have ever met. And he's going to be just like a father to you.
GwizdoHe's only after your money, you know.
No, he's not!
Gwizdo[scoffing] He is an ugly brute. If I was that ugly, I wouldn't come out during the day! No looks, no charm, the guy's a pig.
[Leopold grunts]
GwizdoSorry about that, Leopold. He's got far less appeal than a pig. Of course, you saw right through him, Jennyline. You're not gonna marry that two bit lose-
[Jennyline punches Gwizdo in the face and sends him flying into a wall]
How dare you speak of the man I love like that!
Gwizdo[dazed] I'll get us outta this... I'll think of somethin'...
[looking at Gwizdo's poster] That face says something to me.
[Gwizdo snatches the poster]
GwizdoOh, yeah? You wanna know what this guy says?
[He holds the poster up in front of his face to speak as the person on the poster]
Gwizdo"Hello, Lian-Chu. It's me, your competition. Let me tell you: Your dragon hunting days are OVER! Your successful career: OVER! Life as you know it in that cozy little inn where you like to hang your hat: OVER! Nyahahahahahahahaha! Easy come, easy go. Nyehehe. See you. Buh-bye. Sayonara. Have fun in the poor house. Nyahahahahaha! Ruin. Ee-hee. Ee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee."
[He looks up at the interior of the Snoring Dragon]
GwizdoI gotta admit, Jennyline, it is a cozy little inn.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Dragon Hunters pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
