King Kai quotes from Dragon Ball Z

Goku, this will be the last day of your training with me. You've done well, but I'm afraid you're lacking in one area. You still can't seem to deliver a good joke when the pressure's on.

[to Goku] An android...well, that's a new one. And you say he's even stronger than Frieza? Must be hard for you to get good life insurance. Trouble follows you like a lost puppy.

[when Goku is going to try the instant transmission] I see...instant transmission. The Yardrat's trick. Ooh...I bet they taught you that while you were staying with them...didn't they? Didn't they? Didn't they? [while King Kai does the instant transmission quickly] You know, I always thought it had some handy uses. I could've taught you. But...you never asked me. Never asked. Ha.

[to Gregory and Bubbles] Say, would either of you care to make a wager on this tournament?

Sorry King Kai. I was starving. I am ready though. Please teach me.

Hoohoo.

Uh?

Hoohoohoohoohoo hoohoohoohoohoo hoohoohoohoo

Uh? I guess I'll follow.

Hoohoohoohoohoohoohoo hoohoohoohoo

Wow! That'll make you strong in this gravity.

Hoohoohoohoo hoo hoo hoohoohoohoohoo

Oo oo oo oo oo oo...hey, this is a lot harder than it looks.

Hoo hoo hoohoohoo

Ah ah hoo hoo hee hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo!

I thought I'd seen it all.

Huh? Hey, who are you?

Alright. That's enough. Who are you?

Huh? Hey, are you...? No, you couldn't be.

I am who I am. Guess who? Go on, guess. It rhymes with pie. Hmmm..hmm..hmm..hmm...got it? I'm King Kai.

Uh!? Then who is he?

Him? He's my favorite monkey, Bubbles.

Ehe he he he he. I see. I thought he was a little strange.

Did you just call my friend Bubbles strange? Like you're not.

Okay kid, you're in. When I'm through with you, you'll be a real prince of comedy. You'll have no equal in the art of delivering a punch line. They'll call you the prince of punch. How does that grab you?

But, King Kai, I came here for training in the martial arts.

That's the last of the bean tacos.

Oh oh! Beans give me gas!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You just ate a pot full.

What is it?

I'm not an "it," you lunkhead.

Hey, it's a little grasshopper man.

Yeah, so what?

Little grasshopper man? Ha ha ha ha ha ha...

Who do you think you are? I heard what you said about King Kai! So you don't think he's for real, huh?

No, his methods just bug me.

Ha ha ha ha ha...I get it...my methods "bug" him...ha ha ha...

Goku, Gregory will be your next test. Are you ready?

Uh...a bug?

Hey, buddy! I'm a grasshopper.

But King Kai, I thought you were going to train me personally.

You'll take on just about anyone these days, won't you? How am I supposed to work with a guy like this who doesn't know the first thing about showing respect for his elders?

The Saiyan leaders were more than happy to send specimens of their race into the great unknown. They knew that when the babies grew up, they would extinguish any and all inhabitants of the planet they landed on.

I'd like to extinguish them!

Only four Saiyans survived the destruction of planet Vegeta, and you are one of them.

No! I'm not one of them! I'll never be!

Easy now. Listen, you might despise your heritage, but at this point, the fact that you are a Saiyan is a great asset.

Ahh! Oh no!

W...what? What's wrong?

I forgot to include in my calculations the time it's going to take you to get back to Earth on Snake Way.

What?! But King Kai, I thought that you were just going to zap me back to Earth. What? You gotta be kidding me right? It took me nearly a year to get here you know.

Yes, but um...uh...after your training you'll be much faster. You should be able to make it back on Snake Way within two days if you go all out.

No! But that means I'll get there a day late. It'll all be over by then! I can't do that!

That's enough Goku! I'm not perfect, now am I? Even I make mistakes.

That Goku truly does have some incredible powers. Not only that, but his heart is as pure as gold. It's hard to believe that he was living down on Earth.

He's stronger than you now, isn't he King Kai?

Uhum...hmm...well, he has surpassed me in every area except one. I am still the funniest man in the universe.