Doctor Who quotes

[to the Cybermen] Afternoon. You've picked a lovely day for it. My, don't you look shiny? [to the Doctor] Haircut?

Bit of a trim.

Might want to do your roots. [motions to a soldier to take Missy] The woman. [to the Cybermen] Kate Stewart: divorcee, mother of two, keen gardener, outstanding bridge player. Also, Chief Scientific Officer of the Unified Intelligence Taskforce, who currently have you surrounded.

Human weaponry is not effective against Cyber technology.

Sorry, you left this behind on one of your previous attempts. [throws down a damaged Cyberman head.] So, now that I have your attention, welcome to the only planet on the universe where we get to say this: He's on the payroll.

Am I?

Well, technically.

How much?

Shush. [to the Cybermen] Any questions?

Hang on a second. "The President"? [walks away from the side table, to the main table] We don't want Americans, bombing around the place. [sits down] They'll only start praying.

[approaches the table] Not the President of America, sir, the President of Earth.

[carelessly, whilst filling his cup with sugar cubes] There isn't one.

There is now.

The incursion protocols have been agreed internationally. [to the Doctor, directly] In the event of full-scale invasion, an Earth President is inducted immediately, with complete authority over every nation state. [laughs briefly] Well, there was only one practical candidate. [indicates the Doctor]

[still fixated on his drink] That's your answer for everything, isn't it? [looks up, visibly annoyed] "Vote for an idiot."

If you say so, Mister President. So long as you are on this plane, you're the Commander-in-Chief of every army on Earth. Every world leader is currently awaiting your instructions. You are the chief executive officer of the human race. Any questions?

Pain is a gift. Without the capacity for pain, we can't feel the hurt we inflict.

Clara, watch this. This is who the Doctor is. Watch the blood-soaked old general in action. I can't see properly, sir, because this [He points to his emotional inhibitor.] needs activating. If you want to know what's coming, you have to switch. It. On. And didn't all of those beautiful speeches disappear in the face of a tactical advantage... Sir?

I am not a good man! And I'm not a bad man either. I'm not a hero. I'm definitely not a president, and no, I'm not an officer. You know who I am? I… am… an idiot! With a box and a screwdriver. Passing through. Helping out. Learning. I don't need an army. I never have. Because I've got them, always them, because love is not an emotion. Love is a promise, and he will never hurt her. P.E., catch! [Tosses the control bracelet to Danny before turning to Missy] You didn't notice, did you? While you were doing all your silly orders, while you were showing off, the one soldier not obeying?

Do you know what the big problem is in telling fantasy and reality apart?

What?

They're both ridiculous.

[to Shona] You missed a killer question.

Sorry, what?

[to Santa] How'd you get all the presents in the sleigh?

Bigger on the inside.

There's a horror movie called Alien? That's really offensive. No wonder everyone keeps invading you!

You are deep inside this dream, alright. And it is a shared mental state so it is drawing power from the multi-consciousness gestalt which has now formed telepathically—

No! No, no, no! Line in the sand! Santa Claus does not do the scientific explanation!

Oh. As the Doctor might say, "Aw, it's all a bit dreamy-weamy."

Why don't you just go and make a naughty list.

I have, mate, and you're on it.

Don't give me that look. You're supposed to be all warm and friendly and cheerful.

Oh yeah, look at your great bedside manner.

Don't be so hostile!

Doctor, behave.

You know what I hate about the obvious?

What?

Missing it!

Your chances of survival are about one in a thousand. So here's what you do. You forget the thousand, and you concentrate on the one.

Dude! What is that?!

You said you wanted an axe fight. Oh, come on. In a few hundred years, that'll be really funny. It's a slow burner.

A musical instrument is not an axe.

Yes, and a daffodil is not a broadsword, but I still won the last round! [The crowd cheers] What do you think of my tank? Don't worry, it isn't loaded.

I don't like it.

No, neither do I. I bought it for my fish.

Your fish?

I may have ordered online! Oh, come on. Fish? Tank? Honestly, this stuff will be hilarious in a very few hundred years. Do please stick around.

Skaro! You've brought me to Skaro.

Where does an old man go to die, but with his children?

The TARDIS will not be entered. The TARDIS will be destroyed.

Yeah? Well, good luck, because she's indestructible

Did the Doctor tell you that? Because you should never believe a man about a vehicle.

See how they play with her. See how they toy. They want her to run. They need her to run. Do you feel their need, Doctor? Their blood is screaming, "kill, kill, kill"! Hunter and prey, held in the ecstasy of crisis. Is this not life at its purest? [Clara runs]

Exterminate! Exterminate! [the Daleks fire, Clara screams and vanishes as the death rays hit her]

Why have I ever let you live?

Compassion, Doctor. It has always been your greatest indulgence. Let this be my final victory. Let me hear you say it, just once. Compassion is wrong.