Twelfth Doctor quotes from Doctor Who

[Sprites suddenly appear] They're lovely! They don't like it when you're holding them. They want you to let them go.

Who are they?

[through Maebh] We are here. Here always since the beginning and until the end.

Here, that's it?

We are the green shoots that grow between the cracks. The grass that grows over the mass graves. After your wars are over, we will still be here. We are the life that prevails.

Why now? Why are you here now?

We hear the call and we come. As we came before to the great north forest, where we lie still in the great circle, as we came to the vast southern forest.

Who's calling you now?

The sun that creates, the sun that destroys. You are hurting us, let us go.

You sent for me. The girl came looking for me. Why? Why me?

We did not… send… pain, did not send for you. We don't know you. We were here before you, and we'll be here after you.

This really is gonna happen, isn't it?

Stars implode, planets grow cold, catastrophe is the metabolism of the universe. I can fight monsters, I can't fight physics.

Why would trees want to kill us? We love trees.

You've been chopping them down for furniture for centuries. If that's love, no wonder they're calling down fire from the heavens.

But we saw the future. Lots of futures. Earth's futures.

They're about to be erased.

If you can't save them all, save what you can. TARDIS. It's a lifeboat, isn't it? Not everybody has to die.

I can save you.

I don't want you to.

What, you don't want to live?

Of course I want to live, I just--

What?

Don't make me say it.

Say what?

I don't want to be the last of my kind.

Then why did you bring us all here?

Because it's the only way to get you back to the TARDIS -- make you think you're saving someone. Well, you know what, Doctor? This time, the human race is saving you. Make it worthwhile.

This is my world, too. I walk your Earth, I breathe your air...

And on behalf of this world, you're very welcome. Now go. Save the next one.

You're going to help me?

Well, why wouldn't I help you?

Because what I just did. I--

You betrayed me. You betrayed my trust, you betrayed our friendship, you betrayed everything I ever stood for. You let me down!

Then why are you helping me?

Why? Do you think I care for you so little that betraying me would make a difference?

Hello. I hope you're well. How may I assist you with your death?

Well, there is, er, no immediate hurry. We're just, er. We're just…

Browsing.

Yeah, yeah, browsing.

Please, take all the time you need. At 3W, you always have the rest of your life.

Oh, good. That's good to know, Clara, isn't it?

Yeah. Great.

Exactly what is 3W?

Apologies. Clearly you have not received the official 3W greetings package.

Well, you know, it's just an unexpected—

[Missy lunges at the Doctor, pushing him against the wall, kissing him intently. The Doctor grabs the wall for support. Missy kisses his nose thrice and steps back.] Welcome to the 3W institute.

Clara, is it over now?

I think it's over, yeah.

You also have not received the official welcome package. [Leans in to Clara]

Oh, I'm good, thanks. No worries.

My heart is maintained by the Doctor.

Doctor who?

[yelling] Dr Chang!

White noise off the telly. We've all heard it. A few years ago, Dr Skarosa, our founder, did something unexpected: he played that noise through a translation matrix of his own devising. This is a recording of what he heard.

Okay, people, voices…

So what?

Over time, Dr Skarosa became convinced these were the voices of the recently departed. He believed it was a telepathic communication from the dead.

Why, was he an idiot?

He was able to isolate some of the voices, hear what they were saying.

So, an idiot, then?

Shut up, Doctor.

What I'm about to play for you will change your life, and not for the better. These are the three words that caused Dr Skarosa to set up institutes like one, all over the world, to protect the dead. If you'd rather not hear these words, there's still t–

[exasperated] Can you just hurry up, please? Or I'll hit you with my shoe.

[repeating] Don't cremate me… don't cremate me…

There is one simple, horrible possibility that has never occurred to anyone throughout human history.

[horrified] Don't say it.

The dead remain conscious. The dead remain fully aware of everything that is happening to them.

[to the Cybermen] Afternoon. You've picked a lovely day for it. My, don't you look shiny? [to the Doctor] Haircut?

Bit of a trim.

Might want to do your roots. [motions to a soldier to take Missy] The woman. [to the Cybermen] Kate Stewart: divorcee, mother of two, keen gardener, outstanding bridge player. Also, Chief Scientific Officer of the Unified Intelligence Taskforce, who currently have you surrounded.

Human weaponry is not effective against Cyber technology.

Sorry, you left this behind on one of your previous attempts. [throws down a damaged Cyberman head.] So, now that I have your attention, welcome to the only planet on the universe where we get to say this: He's on the payroll.

Am I?

Well, technically.

How much?

Shush. [to the Cybermen] Any questions?

Hang on a second. "The President"? [walks away from the side table, to the main table] We don't want Americans, bombing around the place. [sits down] They'll only start praying.

[approaches the table] Not the President of America, sir, the President of Earth.

[carelessly, whilst filling his cup with sugar cubes] There isn't one.

There is now.

The incursion protocols have been agreed internationally. [to the Doctor, directly] In the event of full-scale invasion, an Earth President is inducted immediately, with complete authority over every nation state. [laughs briefly] Well, there was only one practical candidate. [indicates the Doctor]

[still fixated on his drink] That's your answer for everything, isn't it? [looks up, visibly annoyed] "Vote for an idiot."

If you say so, Mister President. So long as you are on this plane, you're the Commander-in-Chief of every army on Earth. Every world leader is currently awaiting your instructions. You are the chief executive officer of the human race. Any questions?

Do you know what the big problem is in telling fantasy and reality apart?

What?

They're both ridiculous.

[to Shona] You missed a killer question.

Sorry, what?

[to Santa] How'd you get all the presents in the sleigh?

Bigger on the inside.

You are deep inside this dream, alright. And it is a shared mental state so it is drawing power from the multi-consciousness gestalt which has now formed telepathically—

No! No, no, no! Line in the sand! Santa Claus does not do the scientific explanation!

Oh. As the Doctor might say, "Aw, it's all a bit dreamy-weamy."

Why don't you just go and make a naughty list.

I have, mate, and you're on it.

Don't give me that look. You're supposed to be all warm and friendly and cheerful.

Oh yeah, look at your great bedside manner.

Don't be so hostile!

Doctor, behave.

You know what I hate about the obvious?

What?

Missing it!

Dude! What is that?!

You said you wanted an axe fight. Oh, come on. In a few hundred years, that'll be really funny. It's a slow burner.

A musical instrument is not an axe.

Yes, and a daffodil is not a broadsword, but I still won the last round! [The crowd cheers] What do you think of my tank? Don't worry, it isn't loaded.

I don't like it.

No, neither do I. I bought it for my fish.

Your fish?

I may have ordered online! Oh, come on. Fish? Tank? Honestly, this stuff will be hilarious in a very few hundred years. Do please stick around.

Skaro! You've brought me to Skaro.

Where does an old man go to die, but with his children?