Fourth Doctor quotes from Doctor Who

I don't suppose you can make tea?

Tea?

No, I don't suppose you can. They don't teach you anything useful at the Academy, do they?

Ground rules. Rule one: Always do what I say. Rule two: Stay close to me, and rule three: Let me do all the talking. Do I make that perfectly clear?

Couldn't make it clearer.

Good. [walks away, then comes back] One more thing—your name.

What about my name?

It's too long. By the time I've called out, 'Look out'—what's your name?

Romanadvoratrelundar.

By the time I've called that out, you could be dead! I'll call you Romana.

I don't like Romana.

It's either Romana or Fred.

All right, call me Fred!

Good. Come on, Romana!

Keep an eye on the sentry.

Why?

Sleeping on duty is a serious offense. If anyone comes, you can wake him up.

You do know that sarcasm's an adjustive stress reaction?

I do wish you'd stop treating me like a child, Doctor. I'm nearly a hundred and forty, you know.

Really? You're in wonderful condition.

You're not doing very well, K9.

Master?

No.

Suggestion, Master.

What?

Suggest you allow Mistress to make contact.

Nonsense! Making contact with an alien race is an immensely skilled and delicate operation. It calls for tact and experience- what would she know about it?

[In background] Excuse me...

She is prettier than you, Master.

Is she? What's that got to do with it?

Where did you get those jelly babies?

Same place you get them.

Where?

[Smirking and holding back a laugh] Your pocket.

Good looks are no substitute for a sound character.

Do you drive these things for a living?

No. I save planets, mostly.

Well, I just put 1.795372 and 2.204628 together.

And what does that mean?

[grinning wildly] Four!

A plank!?

The theory is very simple. You walk along it. At the end you fall off. Drop 1000 feet. Dead.

You can't be serious!

Newton? Who's Newton?

Old Isaac. Friend of mine on Earth. Discovered gravity. Well, I say he discovered gravity, I had to give him a bit of a prod.

What did you do?

Climbed up a tree.

And?

Dropped an apple on his head.

Ah, and so he discovered gravity?

No, no. He told me to clear off out of his tree. I explained it to him afterwards at dinner.

The whole system is so perfectly aligned by the most exquisite exercise in gravitational geometry that every system is balanced out within itself. Which is why we can stand next to billions of tons of super- compressed matter and not even be aware of it. With each new planet I acquire, the forces are realigned but the system remains stable.

Then it's the most brilliant piece of astro-gravitational engineering I've ever seen. The concept is simply staggering... Pointless, but staggering.

I'm gratified that you appreciate it.

Devil storms, Doctor! It is not a toy!

Doesn't the blood upset you then?

Oh, it'll probably be just another sacrifice.

I thought you told me Earth was civilized now.

I hope that knife's been properly sterilized.

Blasphemer!

No, no, you can catch all sorts of things from a dirty knife- lockjaw, tetanus, not to mention staphylococcal infections...

I won't be a party to this!

Good for you!

Professor Rumford

Doctor, did I understand you correctly? That thing is made of stone.

Yes and it's closing in on us fast.

Professor Rumford

But it's impossible.

No it isn't. We're standing still.

Professor Rumford

I meant, a silicon-based life form is unknown, unheard of, impossible.

Maybe it doesn't realize that.

Professor Rumford

I still don't understand about hyperspace.

Who does?

I do.

Oh, shut up, K9! It's all to do with interspatial geometry.

Professor Rumford

I never studied that.

I'm not surprised; They gave up teaching that some two thousand years ago, even on Gallifrey.