Doctor Who · Season 16, Episode 2
“The Pirate Planet” · Season 16, Episode 2
In this episode: Fourth Doctor (12), Romana I (6), The Captain (3), K9 (1)
You're not doing very well, K9.
Master?
No.
Suggestion, Master.
What?
Suggest you allow Mistress to make contact.
Nonsense! Making contact with an alien race is an immensely skilled and delicate operation. It calls for tact and experience- what would she know about it?
[In background] Excuse me...
[Romana converses with citizen]
She is prettier than you, Master.
Is she? What's that got to do with it?
[The Doctor takes the bag of Jelly Babies from Romana]
Where did you get those jelly babies?
Same place you get them.
Where?
[Smirking and holding back a laugh] Your pocket.
Good looks are no substitute for a sound character.
Extraordinary! The place is littered with them! Diamonds...Andromedan Bloodstones...gravel. [tosses a lump of rock behind him]
Has anybody seen a planet called Calufrax?
Excuse me, are you sure this planet's meant to be here?
[Takes telescope.] This is a forbidden object.
Why?
That is a forbidden question. [Circles Romana.] You are a stranger?
Well, yes.
Strangers are forbidden.
I did come with the Doctor.
Who is-
[Interrupts] Ah, now, don't tell me, Doctors are forbidden as well.
[Mentiads enter, look at the Doctor]
Hullo? Are you by any chance the Mentiads?
[Mentiads radiate psychic energy]
It's just that...you look like Mentiads to me...
[Escorts Romana to aircar.] Get in.
I shall take that as an invitation. [Hands guard telescope] Thank you. [Climbs in] Will you drive? I assume you know where we're going.
It's an economic miracle! Of course it's wrong.
Do you drive these things for a living?
No. I save planets, mostly.
Take care, Doctor! Your manner only appeals to the homicidal side of my nature!
Well, I just put 1.795372 and 2.204628 together.
And what does that mean?
[grinning wildly] Four!
A plank!?
The theory is very simple. You walk along it. At the end you fall off. Drop 1000 feet. Dead.
You can't be serious!
Captain, sir.
Speak, Mr. Fibuli.
The Psychic Interference Transmitter, sir; There seems to be something counter-jamming it.
What!? We Dematerialize in three minutes! [into a loudspeaker] ALL GUARDS ON ALERT! SOMEONE IS USING A COUNTER-JAMMING FREQUENCY PROJECTOR! FIND IT AND DESTROY IT IMMEDIATELY!!!
Captain, do you suppose any of the guards know what a "Counter-Jamming Frequency Projector" looks like?
Pause
[into the loudspeaker] DESTROY EVERYTHING!!!
Newton? Who's Newton?
Old Isaac. Friend of mine on Earth. Discovered gravity. Well, I say he discovered gravity, I had to give him a bit of a prod.
What did you do?
Climbed up a tree.
And?
Dropped an apple on his head.
Ah, and so he discovered gravity?
No, no. He told me to clear off out of his tree. I explained it to him afterwards at dinner.
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