Doc Martin · Season 1
(Interviewing the Doc on the radio) What was your first impression of our village?
It's windy.
And the people?
The people?
The people of Portwenn.
What about them?
Well, the people of Portwenn are a rich and diverse culture - I bet you've been struck by certain individuals?
It's early days yet.
Well, Caroline, it seems to me you have about a thousand locals who do nothing but talk about themselves. Why don't you interview one of them?
What did you see in him at interview?
Don't blame me, only one of my eyes was working.
I thought you quite like him.
He's fine.
(Louisa is looking for something on the table)
What are you after?
My Martin... marking! My marking...
Elaine. It is *not* your job to give medical advice over the telephone.
It was bellyache. That's not medical advice, it's common sense.
Can *I* please decide who comes to my surgery?
No.
If they have bellyache or diarrhoea, I have them wait. If they've got something serious I get them in straight away.
Thank you, I'm familiar with triage.
Right, so I want an apology. If is wasn't for me you'd have had a dozen diarrhoeas since yesterday.
How many?
Have you noticed an increased demand for diarrhoea remedies lately?
Yes - in fact you could say there's been a *run* on them.
I try to remain current - I find I kill fewer patients that way.
You know, when I told my father that I wasn't going to follow him into the navy, we didn't speak for three months.
Yeah, but now you're older, you can understand his point, can't you? I mean, that's what I was trying to say to Al.
No, we still don't speak actually.
Look, Marty, you do realise that the villagers are dusting off their pitchforks, don't you?
Yes. Exactly how many generations ago did the inbreeding start with these people?
Bert, it's been a long day. Take two aspirin and insult me in the morning.
So I've given everyone the runs?
Quick as a flash.
I heard you on the radio.
Oh. Which time?
Does it matter?
Yes, some were more painful than others.
Really?
No, they were all awful.
I'm only going to say this once. Firstly, antibiotics don't touch viruses. Secondly, even if you had a bacterial infection you'd be well advised to try and fight it on your own to build up some kind of natural immunity. Thirdly, we are noticing some bacterial strains becoming resistant to antibiotics in common usage due to the widespread over prescription by doctors like the late great Jim Sim dishing out antibiotics in all probability to whingers like you.
That's easy for you to say - you haven't got my problem. You haven't got a date with the woman of your dreams.
Who's that?
Louisa.
What makes you think that?
Think what?
That the woman of my dreams... Louisa. Louisa is the woman of your dreams.
Peter, I could arrest you for criminal damage. But I was thinking, Bob in the lifeboat house has some woodworking tools. Maybe you and I could spend some time in there? Make a few bird tables?
(Considers the suggestion for a moment) I'd sooner be arrested.
Doc Martin?
Dr Ellingham, yes.
Yeah, I heard you prefer your proper title. I thought surgeons prided themselves on just plain Mr.
I'm no longer a surgeon.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Doc Martin pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
