Disenchantment · Season 1
The Eternity Pendant must not fall into the wrong hands!
Malfus, how do you know we'll use the vial properly? You don't know anything about us.
I know all about you, Tiabeanie.
But I didn't tell you my name.
It's a long story. I...
[spurring the horse] Hyah!
[Bean and company ride off]
Humans bring nothing but treachery and pain.
I also brought booze.
No, I can't go crawling back home! It will wreck my image as a total badass!
What'd you do? Forget to return a library book?
[gasps] Yes! I can never go back home!
That's never happened to me before - that thing with my fingers.
As you reach maturity you will notice many more changes.
Duh, I already know.
This isn't a sex talk...
Oh - what kind of talk is it?
There are some things you need to know about yourself, Bean.
The thing about your father Tiabeanie, is that he wants to change you: I want you as you were born to be.
What was I born to be, mom?
If you need anything, just ring.
[Bean tests out the bell]
There's no clapper.
That's okay. These rooms are soundproof anyway.
Well, I've never murdered anyone. It's always been an accident, self-defense or justifiable homicide. Oh, God! I've killed a lot of people! What if I'm insane?
I should know this, but does Elfo have a last name?
On checks he just writes "Elfo" and then puts a little heart at the end.
[seeing Elfo hurtling past in a tube] Did you see that? He made it! We're all here together! This is so- [Elfo continues to scream] Oh, wait, hang on. He's still screaming.
I think he's done now. [Elfo screams again] Nope. Wait... Okay, yes.
[They cheer. Elfo starts screaming again. Bean and Luci share an embarrassed silence]
Hi, Leavo. I'm a big fan of your work.
Leaving?
Yes. [Leavo turns to leave] The master...
I'll give you a choice: Either you help me or I bash your face in.
How many times have I been presented with this exact same dilemma? This time, I'm gonna choose help [Leavo throws the rock on Elfo's face] Ow!
Sorry. I thought you were gonna say the other thing.
I'd like to tell you something about understandin' women.
Yes?
I said I'd like to, doesn't mean I can.
The saddest thing in life is havin' to say goodbye to the person you want to spend that life with.
[an ogre guard carries Elfo into the prison where Bean is locked in a cell]
Don't worry, Bean! I'll save you!
Look, I'm not some damsel in distress! Well, technically I guess I am, but still.
I heard every word you said. And you know what, Elfo? I'm glad I stole your college fund.
What?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Disenchantment pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
