Princess Bean quotes from Disenchantment

Bean

Well, I've never murdered anyone. It's always been an accident, self-defense or justifiable homicide. Oh, God! I've killed a lot of people! What if I'm insane?

Bean

He thinks he's got it so tough 'cause his mom works? Cry to me when your mom tries to bolt a crown to your skull.

Bean

You never appreciate your lizard stepmom until she becomes a sexy pirate.

Luci

I am a demon.

Bean

[muffled] You're a demon?!

Luci

That's right. In fact, your personal demon. Get used to it, 'cause you are stuck with me for all eter... [Bean spits him across the room, where he hits the wall and rolls down it like a Wacky WallWalker] ... nity.

Bean

Pops, uh, I'm just kicking back with my new... cat.

Luci

Me?

Luci

Meow. That's what cats say, right?

King Zøg

I'm not here to answer cat questions.

Bean

I'm gonna have to kill him or something.

Luci

Do it! Do it! Do it! And after you kill him we can hide the body. Then we could join the search party and you and I can look at each other and try not to laugh.

Elfo

You'll be amazed how much fun I am on my own. [Bean puts flower in the basket] [chuckles] That's not a daisy.

Bean

What?

Elfo

[chuckles] You put a dandelion in the daisy basket.

Bean

So?

Elfo

So, we're making a daisy chain, not a dandelion chain. Why even bother to call it a daisy chain if you're just gonna... [crying] Oh, God. I'm so sorry! I lied! I'm not really fun. The pressure... it just got to me! [gasps] And then the pressure to sustain the lie? Oh, God, it was a nightmare!

Bean

[after Elfo comes between her and Sven] What is your problem, man? This weekend was my one chance at freedom, and you ruined it, just like my dad. [She walks out the door] You are just a little, green Zøg.

Elfo

No, wait! I was just trying to control you... Ohhh. Well, it's not like your dad is entirely... Ohhh. Well, at least he... Ohhh...

Bean

Stop! Nobody fries my dad.

Yeah? Which one of y'all gonna stop us? Skinny girl? Kitty cat? Gross baby?

Elfo

[Chuckles at Luci] He called you a gross baby!

The Eternity Pendant must not fall into the wrong hands!

Bean

Malfus, how do you know we'll use the vial properly? You don't know anything about us.

I know all about you, Tiabeanie.

Bean

But I didn't tell you my name.

It's a long story. I...

Luci

[spurring the horse] Hyah!

Humans bring nothing but treachery and pain.

Bean

I also brought booze.

Bean

That's never happened to me before - that thing with my fingers.

As you reach maturity you will notice many more changes.

Bean

Duh, I already know.

This isn't a sex talk...

Bean

Oh - what kind of talk is it?

There are some things you need to know about yourself, Bean.

The thing about your father Tiabeanie, is that he wants to change you: I want you as you were born to be.

Bean

What was I born to be, mom?

If you need anything, just ring.

Bean

There's no clapper.

That's okay. These rooms are soundproof anyway.

Bean

I should know this, but does Elfo have a last name?

Luci

On checks he just writes "Elfo" and then puts a little heart at the end.