Elfo quotes from Disenchantment

Elfo

Your cruddy life is worth living, Bean. And so is mine... if you live.

Elfo

You'll be amazed how much fun I am on my own. [Bean puts flower in the basket] [chuckles] That's not a daisy.

Bean

What?

Elfo

[chuckles] You put a dandelion in the daisy basket.

Bean

So?

Elfo

So, we're making a daisy chain, not a dandelion chain. Why even bother to call it a daisy chain if you're just gonna... [crying] Oh, God. I'm so sorry! I lied! I'm not really fun. The pressure... it just got to me! [gasps] And then the pressure to sustain the lie? Oh, God, it was a nightmare!

Bean

[after Elfo comes between her and Sven] What is your problem, man? This weekend was my one chance at freedom, and you ruined it, just like my dad. [She walks out the door] You are just a little, green Zøg.

Elfo

No, wait! I was just trying to control you... Ohhh. Well, it's not like your dad is entirely... Ohhh. Well, at least he... Ohhh...

Bean

Stop! Nobody fries my dad.

Yeah? Which one of y'all gonna stop us? Skinny girl? Kitty cat? Gross baby?

Elfo

[Chuckles at Luci] He called you a gross baby!

Elfo

No, I can't go crawling back home! It will wreck my image as a total badass!

Luci

What'd you do? Forget to return a library book?

Elfo

[gasps] Yes! I can never go back home!

Elfo

Hi, Leavo. I'm a big fan of your work.

Leaving?

Elfo

Yes. [Leavo turns to leave] The master...

I'll give you a choice: Either you help me or I bash your face in.

Elfo

How many times have I been presented with this exact same dilemma? This time, I'm gonna choose help [Leavo throws the rock on Elfo's face] Ow!

Sorry. I thought you were gonna say the other thing.

Elfo

Don't worry, Bean! I'll save you!

Bean

Look, I'm not some damsel in distress! Well, technically I guess I am, but still.

I heard every word you said. And you know what, Elfo? I'm glad I stole your college fund.

Elfo

What?

Bean

Oh God, it's over, he's turning blue!

Elfo

He was already blue. I think he's actually turning less blue.

Bean

Is that good or bad?

Elfo

How should I know? I'm green, not blue. God! Do all people of colour look the same to you?

Bean

They're gonna burn us at the stake.

Elfo

Oh, God, I'm gonna smell like burnt candy corn.

Elfo! Before you go, I've never had ladder sex before.

Elfo

Sorry, I don't have thirty seconds.