That's going in my wine? Please tell me there's another process between here and the vineyard.
All S1
S1 E4Chinatown Garbage Collector
What's the coolest thing you ever found in a car you were disassembling?
MMark
One time I found a forty-five.
A forty-five... a weapon?
MMark
A weapon. I found a cassette box that was loaded with drugs.
What kinda drugs?
MMark
Green stuff in a bag, I guess it was...
Oregano, probably
MMark
Probably. Oregano to me...
What happened was that you probably got the car of an ex-cooking expert, probably.
MMark
And he was afraid someone was gonna steal his recipe and that's why he had the forty-five.
After eight hours with L.J. III, I was trashed.
S1 E5Sewer Inspector
Nobody makes a turd like that and lives.
GGary
Sure they do.
Come on, it's orange!
GGary
The first thing we have to do, Mike, is get acquainted with this tool right here.
What is this?
GGary
This tool here is called the Pooper Scooper.
This is called a garden trowel.
GGary
For us it's a Pooper Scooper.
You're not gonna tell me that were gonna scoop the poop out of the pot with a garden trowel?
Ho ho ho, three giant bags of poo. Who's been naughty? I'm the real bad Santa.
And while some people might have left their hearts in San Francisco, I can tell you from my experience today, that's not all they left.
S1 E6Pig Farmer
[Mike is pushing the pigs out of a fenced area.]
Go to where your friends are peeing... Join the urine parade.
They build a nest on top of their poo? How firm a foundation.
[Stumbles on roof] Another colossally stupid way to die: "What happened to Mike?" - "Ah, he fell off a building." - "What was he doing?" - "Ah, he was cleaning up pigeon poo. Tragic really, cut down in the sub-prime of his life."
EEric
Now, you're gonna wanna to take your hand and brush off the excess dirt off her vulva.
Right, with my clean gloves. Excess dirt? There's nothing here but... this vulva is encased in poo.
EEric
This is the nursery.
The nursery! What fresh hell are we in here?
S1 E7Chick Sexer
Yeah, that's a great sound. The ground is farting at me.
TTom
[brewery employee] We filter it while it's cold, it'll be clear while it's warm.
Filter cold, clear warm.
TTom
Yes. If one were to filter it warm, it might not be clear cold. Is that clear?
You're a complicated man, Tom.
TTom
Come on, you tell that to all the boys.
For a guy with a hose you tell a good story.
We're just a couple of guys squeezing the crap outta chicks.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Dirty Jobs pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.