Mike quotes from Dirty Jobs

Mike

[with his leg stuck in bat guano] What a stupid way to die.

Mike

There's really not a lot of difference between an octopus and like a giant pile of snot.

Mike

[while he's inside a septic tank] Are you a religious man, Les? I'm about to become one. I'm going to be real good for the rest of my life because I don't want to come here when I die.

Mike

If I'm supposed to let it bite me, then who's fishing who?

Mike

[about the catfish] Jeez, it's like a giant hunk of snot.

Mike

[to golf ball diver] Did you ever lose your bag of balls? That's got to be frustrating.

Mike

Nice warm day. Rough seas. The smell of freshly ground mackerel hitting you square in the face like a moist sponge. If you don't vomit in a situation like this, you never will.

Mike

That's going in my wine? Please tell me there's another process between here and the vineyard.

Mike

After eight hours with L.J. III, I was trashed.

Mike

Ho ho ho, three giant bags of poo. Who's been naughty? I'm the real bad Santa.

Mike

And while some people might have left their hearts in San Francisco, I can tell you from my experience today, that's not all they left.

Mike

Go to where your friends are peeing... Join the urine parade.

Mike

They build a nest on top of their poo? How firm a foundation.

Mike

[Stumbles on roof] Another colossally stupid way to die: "What happened to Mike?" - "Ah, he fell off a building." - "What was he doing?" - "Ah, he was cleaning up pigeon poo. Tragic really, cut down in the sub-prime of his life."

Mike

Yeah, that's a great sound. The ground is farting at me.