Dirty Jobs quotes

Mike

That stinks a little.

You sure it's not you?

Mike

At this point, no.

Mike

This is what you did with your back room. And you could have gone with a computer office or a library...you've got a bat cage.

Yeah, I've decided to go with the fruit bat motif.

Mike

[with his leg stuck in bat guano] What a stupid way to die.

Mike

There's really not a lot of difference between an octopus and like a giant pile of snot.

Mike

Are we walking in sand or guano?

That's powdered bat guano.

Mike

Holy shoot.

I don't know if it's holy, but it's definitely shit.

Worms are low maintenance, real easy to take care of. They basically do three things: they eat, they poop, and have sex.

Mike

Man, that's a great life.

Mike

You know they throw poop at each other over at that other ranch. Just so you know.

We're a little bit cleaner facility.

Mike

[while he's inside a septic tank] Are you a religious man, Les? I'm about to become one. I'm going to be real good for the rest of my life because I don't want to come here when I die.

Mike

If I'm supposed to let it bite me, then who's fishing who?

Mike

[about the catfish] Jeez, it's like a giant hunk of snot.

There's times that you have to either laugh or throw up, whatever comes first which you might as well laugh.

Mike

I'll tell you what. You laugh and I'll throw up.

Mike

[to golf ball diver] Did you ever lose your bag of balls? That's got to be frustrating.

You fan with your hands through the mud until you feel something hard and you grab onto it. It's gonna be a golf ball. And if it moves, you let it go.

[said while horse breeder was pulling out manure from the horse's butt] I can identify most of our horses from this angle.

Mike

You gotta get out more.

Mike

Nice warm day. Rough seas. The smell of freshly ground mackerel hitting you square in the face like a moist sponge. If you don't vomit in a situation like this, you never will.