[to the man who killed his mother] You stole my life. I'm not the person I'm supposed to be because you took someone from me.
S2 E5The Dark Defender
S2 E6Dex, Lies, and Videotape
[voiceover] The full force of the FBI, that's the last thing I need. I've got to make sure Lundy gets his man, after I figure out a way to erase the marina files, and make up with my girlfriend, and then maybe I'll tackle world hunger because things can't really get much worse.
[to Dexter, after a bout of semi-rough sex] I guess we found a way to quiet the voices in your head.
The voices are back. Excellent.
[laying a hand on Dexter's shoulder; referring to the Bay Harbor Butcher] We've never been this close to this pendejo.
[thoughts] Closer than you think, amigo.
You're such a guy. When I get pissed I say stuff I don't mean all the time: I hate you. I faked it. You're hung like a grape.
[Dexter and Rita are making out at Dexter's apartment]
I can do this more often now that my mom's in town. I feel like we're being bad.
Bad. Bad is good.
[The phone starts ringing]
Let the machine get it.
[on the answering machine] Hey, Dex, just calling to check in. Thought we could do the debriefing on dinner. I thought it went well, don't you?
Mmm I'd say so.
[on the answering machine] Rita's sweet, very Martha Stewart.
[Rita looks offended]
I love Martha Stewart!
[on the answering machine] God, her mum, she's got quite the rod up her ass, doesn't she? By the way, I am such a twat. I can't believe I almost slipped up about your mum. Mind you, it could've been worse. I could've spilled the beans about our road trip.
[Dexter moves to turn off the machine but Rita stops him]
Don't you dare!
[on the answering machine] Can you imagine Rita's face if I told her you and I spent the night together in a hotel?
You and Lila spent the night in a hotel together?!
We had adjoining rooms!
Adjoining rooms? God, I am such an idiot. I can't believe I defended you to my mother while you were off sleeping with another woman!!
Rita, wait!
I thought you were different than Paul, but you're the same. You know what, actually, you're worse. You made me trust you.
Please just let me expl-
I've had it! I have been patient and understanding, but there's only so much I can take. You are a liar and a cheat, and I am through. It's over, Dexter! [storms out]
S2 E7That Night, a Forest Grew
You finally decided to fight back. I've been waiting.
I hope you don't expect me to comment on that so you can record it on your hidden tape recorder. I wasn't born yesterday.
You might have been, for hell I know. Your past is a bigger mystery than fucking Jimmy Hoffa. I tried every avenue, legal and otherwise, but there ain't no paper trail on the early years of Dexter Morgan.
I guess there's no recorder running after all.
No, man. Unlike you, I do everything out in the open.
Well, in that case, sergeant, let me put this in the open for you. No matter what you try, no matter when, no matter how hard you work, I always be a step ahead of you for one simple reason.
And what's that?
I own you.
Who's the skank?
Deb, did knocking occur to you?
Who is she? And are you trying to fuck her or set her on fire?
Hey I didn't do this to you when you were riding square-jaw guy with the handcuffs
Goddammit James, I'm not joking.
Do I look like I'm laughing?
No, you don't. I wish you would. You used to.
Bullshit. I never laughed.
S2 E8Morning Comes
[Dexter's kitchen, after the fire at Lila's loft]
Did somebody drink all the coffee again?
No, somebody didn't drink all the coffee. I had a cup and Dexter had a cup, and it just kinda went like that until the [imitating Lila's British accent] pot was empty.
Deb ...
What? Somebody didn't drink all the coffee. It's a stupid question.
What's this? [chuckles] It's the dragon zombie. Cody likes to hide things in my bag.
He's trying to control you. By hiding toys in your bag, you have no choice but to return them to him.
He's seven. He seldom has thoughts more complicated than the desire for candy.
Can I offer you some tea?
Uh, no, thank you, I'm – [thoughts] And he pours it anyway. He's trying to throw me off balance, show that I don't have the power to say no to him.
How about some sesame crackers to go with that?
[thoughts] So I'll say yes to everything. [speech] I'd love some.
[checks box] Oh, sorry. Guess I ate them all.
[thoughts] Asshole.
So you, one of the most cautious and precise forensic specialists I've had the pleasure to work with, you performed blood work that directly led to Rodrigo walking free. I ask myself, how the hell did that happen?
[voiceover] And did you answer, Dexter blew the case on purpose so that he could get Rodrigo off the streets for good with a cordless reciprocating saw?
So he's 20 years older than me, what do you care?
I don't. [pause] I mean, [sits down, leans close] I'm sure you wouldn't do anything like that.
What are you talking about, do anything like what?
Like, try to sleep your way to the top.
You douche! That is so not true!
Of course not, I shouldn't have even said anything, and I'm sure that thought would never even occur to anybody else.
Double-douche! You are not allowed to talk about anyone I date as long as you're seeing Little Miss "Pardon My Tits". I'm sorry, Dex, but she is gross. And pale, and nobody is pale in Miami. She is obviously a vampire. A gross, English, titty vampire.
You just described the perfect woman.
[disgusted]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Dexter pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.