[Julia accompanies Anthony to juvenile hall to give Tyrone some tough love after his "little brother" gets arrested]
I want to know what you're gonna do to compensate Julia and all the others to whom you've brought pain and sorrow.
TTyrone
I guess I don't know yet.
Well, you're gonna have plenty of time to think about it. This is your third offense, and they're gonna throw the book at you this time.
TTyrone
I know. I don't even know why I did it.
You just wanted to screw up because that's what everybody expects of you. Well I'm gonna surprise you, Tyrone. I'm gonna wait around here for you to get out. I'm gonna come to visit you every week. I'm gonna check on you. I'm gonna hound you like a dog. And when you do get out of here, I'm gonna expect to see something a whole lot better than what I'm looking at now.
TTyrone
I can't believe you came. My own sister didn't even come.
So what, Tyrone. You think that you're the only kid in the world whose family doesn't care about him? Well let me tell you something. I grew up in a neighborhood where people put cigarettes out on your head. I never met my father, and my mother was an addict who left me behind when I was two weeks old — I didn't see her again 'til I was nine. Then she wrote and said she was coming. One day she showed up at school after I had told everybody how beautiful my mama was and how she was coming just to see me. You know what she did, Tyrone? She got out of her car. She walked across the playground and picked up some other kid and hugged him and starting crying and calling him by my name. She did that right in front of everybody. I was her son and she didn't even know me. So you see... I've been where you are right now. And if it hadn't been for that one person, my grandmama, loving me and kicking my butt everyday I'd still be there.
TTyrone
I'm sorry I let you down.
I'm gonna be here every week. You can count on that Tyrone.
GGUARD
I'm sorry, but your time is up.
One more thing, man. You know that birthday wish that you asked me about? I wished you were my son.
TTyrone
I love you. :[hugs Anthony]
[The guard escorts Tyrone out. Julia comes up to Anthony]
Anthony, I want you to know that I've never been prouder of anyone in my life.....than I am of you at this moment. :she hugs him Let's go home.
[Suzanne is forced to drag the luggage in for her spoiled niece, Jennifer — who is just like her.]
Well, I'll go out to the car and get the rest later.
JJennifer
Thanks, Aunt Suzanne... You know I'm sorry I can't help, but this pinched nerve is just giving me fits.
Oh, that's alright. I usually have a pinched nerve myself, I just forgot to mention it before you did.
[Anthony returns from measuring for carpet at a nudist colony.]
Let me tell y'all. If you thought it was tough going standing up, you should try it at knee level — talk about trying to keep your eyes on one place. By the way, they want you to replace those burlap bar stools — it seems a couple of people got rope burn.
[Anthony prepares to take Julia and Suzanne's nieces — who are just like them — to the airport.]
JJennifer
Anthony, do you suppose we could stop at a drug store on the way? I need to get some blush-on with some little sparkly stuff in it.
CCamilla
We are NOT stopping. If you want red cheeks, why don't I just slap them for you?
[Suzanne says she doesn't want to date a blind man.]
We're talkin' about a millionaire who spends his weekends with under-privileged kids. I mean, we're talkin' about a Phi Beta Kappa from Vanderbilt who still knows why Hee-Haw is funny. I mean, men like that are just not walking the streets.
Well, that's good. Because men like that would be bumping into each other.
Oh, it was just one of Charlene's brothers again. What's his name there? Odell. He's probably just wanting to catch her up on the hillbilly news, like they got 'em a new scarecrow or something like that.
You know, Suzanne, I don't like that word "hillbilly." Just because Charlene comes from a big family and they live on a farm, doesn't mean they sit around like Mammy and Pappy Yokum, smokin' corn cob pipes and drinkin' moonshine.
Well, I'm sorry Julia, but I don't think it's in good taste to have that many children. Unless of course, you're Mormon.
What does that have to do with it?
I don't know, they just seem to handle it better. They form those singin' groups, stuff like that.
Oh, for Pete's sake. Every time you two get a little cranky, you start going on these man bashing jags, you know? "Men are the cause of all trouble in the world. Men invented high heels and cheap panty hose." I bet you next thing you know, you'll be accusing them of that whatchamacallit, that PMS envy.
PMS envy? I swear, somebody from the Geraldo Rivera show ought to follow you around with a tape recorder.
[Discussing Charlene's little brother:]
Let me get this straight. He's never had a girlfriend, he knits sweaters and he works at the beauty shop?
Well, he goes to Three Rivers Junior College, too. What are you gettin' at?
Well, I don't mean to get personal Charlene, but has it ever occurred to you that maybe Odell is involved in some homosexual activity?
Suzanne! I mean, just because a person is sensitive and artistic doesn't mean he's gay. Not that that would matter to me anyway.
Well I think he sounds like an interesting and talented young man.
I think he sounds like a woman.
Bear in mind that this comes from the lips of a woman who thought there was a patron saint for homosexuals named, "Saint Francis of a Sissy."
[Charlene and Mary Jo relate an embarrassing story to try to cheer Julia up.]
Suzanne, don't you have a most humiliating story to tell?
Yes, I do. My most humiliating moment... was when Julia mooned 1200 people.
Women are always getting a bad rap for wanting men to make money. But there is an absolute, bona-fide scientific reason for it. Haven't you all heard of Darwin?
You mean Darwin Sanders who used to take care of our yard?
No, silly, Charles Darwin. Don't you read?
Yes, Suzanne. Yes, I do. But you don't, so I thought — well — go on.
