Julian Bashir quotes from Deep Space Nine

Benjamin Sisko

All of us have had these assignments, Doctor.

Julian Bashir

Have you, sir?

Benjamin Sisko

As a matter of fact, Curzon Dax used to take perverse pleasure in assigning me to take care of VIP guests.

Julian Bashir

Ah, and now you take the same perverse pleasure in doing it to me.

Benjamin Sisko

Exactly.

Julian Bashir

Quark, leave it!

Quark

I can't leave it—it's all that I have. My personal mementos, my family album—

Julian Bashir

It's full of gold-pressed latinum, and you know it.

Quark

Who told you?

Julian Bashir

Your mother did, the day you were born.

Quark

NEVER MAKE FUN OF A FERENGI'S MOTHER. Rule of Acquisition Number 31!

Julian Bashir

Out here in space, no one is completely independent. We all depend on one another.

Well, you can depend on me.

Julian Bashir

And you've proven that. So what is it going to take for the rest of us to prove to you that you can depend on us?

Julian Bashir

Well, your sense of humour seems normal enough.

Miles O'Brien

I don't have a sense of humour.

Julian Bashir

Cough. [O'Brien coughs] How's the sex life?

Miles O'Brien

I don't have a sense of humour.

Julian Bashir

If you're not a spy, maybe you're an outcast.

Or maybe I'm an outcast spy.

Julian Bashir

How can you be both?

I never said I was either.

I am no more a spy than you are...

Julian Bashir

...a doctor.

Julian Bashir

Still the man of mystery.

Oh, you wouldn't have me any other way.

Doctor, has anyone ever told you that you are an infuriating pest?

Julian Bashir

Chief O'Brien—all the time, and I never pay any attention to him either!

Julian Bashir

And so they exiled you.

That's right! And left me to live out my days with nothing to look forward to but having lunch with you.

Julian Bashir

I'm sorry you feel that way. I thought you enjoyed my company.

Oh, I did! And that's the worst part. I can't believe that I actually enjoyed eating mediocre food and staring into your smug sanctimonious face.

Bashir

Try not to yell at any more admirals for a while.

Sisko

I wasn't yelling. I was expressing my opinion loudly.

Julian Bashir

That Cardassian Quark was talking to, Boheeka. I suppose he really did have a reason to fear the Obsidian Order."

Enabran Tain,

Everyone has reason to fear the Order.

Julian Bashir

What I want to know is: out of all the stories you told me, which ones were true and which ones weren't?

My dear doctor...they're all true.

Julian Bashir

Even the lies?

Especially the lies.

Julian Bashir

Well, I guess this means the end of our Starfleet careers.

Well, I wouldn't worry about that, Doctor.

Jadzia Dax

That's easy for you to say.

Oh, you misunderstand me, Lieutenant. All I meant was, it's a little foolish to worry about your careers at a time like this, when there's a good chance we're all about to be killed.

Lwaxana Troi

Zanthi Fever?!? Oh, that— that's ridicu- that's impossible. That only affects older Betazoids.

Julian Bashir

Well, that may be, but according to my tests, you show all the symptoms. Zanthi Fever is a virus which affects the empathic abilities of um... mature Betazoids. It causes them to project their emotions onto others.

Benjamin Sisko

Then Mrs. Troi's amorous feelings for— [knowing smile] someone on the station were being passed along to the people around her.

Julian Bashir

Not everyone, only those within close proximity to her when she had an attack; and even then, there would have had to have been some pre-existing latent attraction.

Benjamin Sisko

[concerned] You're saying Dax—

Julian Bashir

Only on a subconscious level. Best not think about it too much, if you ask me.

Lwaxana Troi

I'm terribly sorry, Commander. I hope I haven't caused too much trouble.

Benjamin Sisko

I'm sure no permanent harm was done. Right, Doctor?

Julian Bashir

A simple wide-spectrum anti-viral agent should cure Mrs. Troi, and as for everyone else, well, they'll be back to normal in a day or two. Excuse me. [to Sisko] I promised Nerys that I'd meet her in her quarters this evening.

Benjamin Sisko

[stopping him] I think you ought to postpone that visit... for a day or two.

Julian Bashir

[disappointed sigh]

Julian Bashir

Nervous, Chief?

Miles O'Brien

What are you talking about?

Julian Bashir

That's your fifth cup of coffee in twenty minutes.

Miles O'Brien

I didn't realize you were keeping track.

Julian Bashir

Oh, nervous and irascible.

Miles O'Brien

If you hadn't seen your wife and child for two months, you'd be irascible too.

Julian Bashir

Well, believe me, I'm looking forward to Keiko and Molly's visit as much as you are.

Miles O'Brien

Ha, I doubt that.

Julian Bashir

How many games of raquetball have we played in the last two months?

Miles O'Brien

I don't know. Fifteen, maybe twenty.

Julian Bashir

Try seventy. I've been keeping track of that, too, and do you know what all those games have proved to me? That I'm a poor substitute for your wife.

Miles O'Brien

I could have told you that sixty games ago.