Julian Bashir quotes from Deep Space Nine

Doctor Bashir

There is one thing I don't understand; how could they have let things get so bad?

Benjamin Sisko

That's a good question, Doctor. I wish I had an answer.

Doctor Bashir

It's not your fault the way things are.

Everybody tells themselves that. And nothing ever changes.

Dr. Julian Bashir

Listen to me. I don't care about your negotiations, and I don't care about your treaty. All I care about is my patient, and at the moment he needs more medical care and less politics. Now, you can either leave here willingly or I'll call security and have you thrown out.

Major Kira Nerys

You won't need to call them. I'll do it myself.

How is Bareil?

Dr. Julian Bashir

The organ replacement surgery went well. He's still unconscious, but he should be awake within the hour.

Oh, good. There are still several points I have to discuss with him before the next negotiating session.

Dr. Julian Bashir

That's why I'm here. When you see Bareil, I want you to tell him that you don't need him, that you can complete these negotiations without him.

But I do need him, Doctor.

Dr. Julian Bashir

I realise that. But I want you to tell him that you don't.

You seem to be asking me to lie.

Dr. Julian Bashir

I'm asking you to free Bareil of his obligations to you. The only way he'll accept that is if you tell him he's no longer needed, that you can go on without him. Now, if that's a lie, then so be it.

That doesn't sound like a Starfleet officer.

Dr. Julian Bashir

I'm a doctor first. And right now, I'm trying to give my patient his best chance to live. The only way to do that is to put him in stasis. Bareil knows that, but his desire to complete these negotiations is so strong that he's forcing me to keep him conscious and mentally alert, even though it may kill him.

None of us wants that to happen, Doctor. But if I'm not mistaken, the decision regarding Bareil's treatment is up to him.

Dr. Julian Bashir

Yes. As the patient, it is his right to make that choice. But I'm asking you to help me change his mind. Eminence, you're the Kai. These are your negotiations. Let this be your moment in history. Finish the talks on your own and you won't have to share the credit with anyone.

You say that as though success is guaranteed, Doctor.

Dr. Julian Bashir

Of course. If the talks fail, you'll need someone to accept the blame. A scapegoat. [disgusted] You're a coward. You're afraid to stand alone.

Bareil's already made his decision, Doctor. I won't interfere. And Doctor? [in a threatening tone] I won't forget what you've said here.

Dr. Julian Bashir

[coldly] Neither will I.

Kira Nerys

[fighting back tears] Julian, you can't give up now. You have to keep going.

Dr. Julian Bashir

[sadly] Nerys, if I remove the rest of his brain and replace it with a machine, he may look like Bareil, he may even talk like Bareil, but he won't be Bareil. The spark of life will be gone. He'll be dead. And I'll be the one who killed him.

Kira Nerys

[sobbing] But if we do nothing, he'll die!

Dr. Julian Bashir

That's right, he will. But he'll die like a man, not a machine. Please, don't make me fight you on this one. Just let him go.

Julian Bashir

And you, Chief, you represent my uncertainty and my doubt.

Miles O'Brien

No I don't!

Julian Bashir

The point is, if you lie all the time, nobody's going to believe you even when you're telling the truth.

Are you sure that's the point, Doctor?

Julian Bashir

Of course. What else could it be?

That you should never tell the same lie twice.

Bashir

Is there anything you need me to do while you're gone?

Like what?

Bashir

I don't know— Any unfinished business?

Actually, Doctor, there is something. If you go into my quarters and examine the bulkhead next to the replicator, you'll notice there’s a false panel. Behind that panel is a compartment containing an isolinear rod. If I'm not back within 78 hours, I want you to take that rod and eat it.

Bashir

Eat it?!

Um-hum.

Bashir

You're joking.

Yes, Doctor, I am.

Bashir

Very. Funny.

I thought so! But the answer to your question, Doctor, is, “No. There is nothing you can do for me while I'm away.”

Julian Bashir

I'm sure there's more than one Klingon who thinks that slaying a Changeling would be worthy of a song or two.

Odo

Doctor, if a Klingon were to kill me, I'd expect an entire opera on the subject.

Jadzia Dax

I can't believe you did that.

Kira Nerys

He didn't leave me any choice.

Julian Bashir

Wait, wait, wait. What did she do?

Jadzia Dax

She knocked out Lancelot.

Kira Nerys

He kissed me.

Jadzia Dax

He's supposed to kiss you.

Kira Nerys

But I was playing a married woman.

Julian Bashir

Lieutenant Commander Worf, this is Lieutenant Commander Jadzia Dax, and Major Kira Nerys, our first officer.

Worf

Nice hat.

Kira Nerys

[pulling the wimple off] I don't usually dress like this. We were in the holosuite...

Worf

So I gathered. [To Dax] You used to be Curzon Dax.

Jadzia Dax

That's right. And I don't usually dress like this either.

Worf

Curzon's name is an honoured one among my people.

Jadzia Dax

(in Klingon) Yes, but I'm a lot better-looking than he was.

Worf

I suppose so.

Julian Bashir

I can't believe you're not pressing charges.

Constable Odo and Captain Sisko expressed a similar concern, but really, Doctor, there was no harm done.

Julian Bashir

They broke seven of your transverse ribs and fractured your clavicle.

Ah, but I got off several cutting remarks, which no doubt did serious damage to their egos.

Julian Bashir

Garak, this isn't funny.

I'm serious, Doctor! Thanks to your ministrations, I'm almost completely healed, but the damage I did to them will last a lifetime.

Miles O'Brien

Keiko only spends a few days at a time on the station. I'm the one living in those quarters, and if I want to set up a little workshop in the bedroom—

Julian Bashir

You set up a workshop in the bedroom?

Miles O'Brien

Yeah. I don't use it when she's visiting.

Julian Bashir

No, of course not.

Miles O'Brien

She says I'm trying to live like a bachelor again, that I'm expressing a subconscious desire to push her out of our quarters.

Julian Bashir

Now that is ridiculous.

Miles O'Brien

That's what I said!

Julian Bashir

I mean, if anything, by spending your free time in the bedroom, a place you intimately associate with Keiko, you are actually expressing...a desire to be closer to her...during her absence. It's quite touching, really.

Miles O'Brien

Exactly! Exactly! See, you understand. Why can't she see that? Why can't she be more like—

Julian Bashir

More like?

Miles O'Brien

[Beat] Uh, a man. Y—you know, more like a man.

Julian Bashir

So...you wish that Keiko...was a man.

Miles O'Brien

I wish I was on this trip with someone else, that's what I wish.

Bashir

What a lovely place. Smells like a garbage dump.

O'Brien

I'm sorry I couldn't find a nicer place to crash-land. Should we try again?

Bashir

You took in a few lungfuls of Fluorine.

Remind me to hold my breath next time.

Interesting. You saved the day by destroying the world.

Julian Bashir

I'll bet they didn't teach you that in the Obsidian Order.

No. No, there were a good many things they didn't teach me. Like the value of a good game of chance. Or how indulging in fantasy keeps the mind creative.

Julian Bashir

Lunch tomorrow?

Of course. But why don't we have it at your place. In Hong Kong. Unless this was your last adventure.

Julian Bashir

Oh, I think it's safe to say that Julian Bashir, Secret Agent, will return.