Quark quotes from Deep Space Nine

Quark

"How'd you like to earn a little extra latinum? Maybe enough to buy yourself a promotion?"

"You have my undivided attention.""Quark, you idiot!"

Quark

"Is something wrong?"

"Is something wrong?! I'm ruined! My career is over!"

Quark

I think I figured out why humans don't like Ferengi.

Benjamin Sisko

Not now, Quark.

Quark

The way I see it, humans used to be a lot like Ferengi: greedy, acquisitive, interested only in profit. We're a constant reminder of a part of your past you'd like to forget.

Benjamin Sisko

Quark, we don't have time for this.

Quark

But you're overlooking something. Humans used to be a lot worse than Ferengi: slavery, concentration camps, interstellar wars. We have nothing in our past that approaches that kind of barbarism. You see? We're nothing like you; we're better.

Quark

Rule of Acquisition Number Two-eighty-six: “When Morn leaves, it's all over.”

Rom

There is no such rule!

Quark

There should be.

Quark

Having me fight D'Ghor is nothing more than an execution. Well, if that's what you want, then that's what you'll get, an execution. No glory. No honor. [he kneels] And when you one day tell your children how you came to power and took Grilka's house from her, I hope you remember to tell them how you "heroically" killed an unarmed Ferengi, half your size.

Whatever you say, Ferengi!

Gowron

D'Ghor, what are you doing?! I didn't want to believe the things he said about you yesterday... but if you can stand here and murder this pathetic little man, then you have no honor. (takes the Bat'leth from him and tosses it to the ground) You have no place in this hall.

Grilka

You have given me back my house and my family name. How can I repay you?

Quark

I would like a divorce, please. No offense!

Grilka

None taken. I can give it to you right away...

Grilka

(smug) You're a free man.

Rom

Brother, I haven't told you: when you stood in the Great Hall, in front of D'Ghor, you were magnificent!

Quark

[shrugs] I was lucky, that's all. If it didn't work, I didn't have another card to play. Business is dropping off again.

Rom

Money isn't everything.

Quark

If Father were alive, he'd wash your mouth out with galcor!

Rom

You can't buy respect, brother. And that's what you have now—respect! That's what you wanted, isn't it?

Quark

Respect is good... but latinum's better.

Sisko

[angry] You bought a child?!

Quark

I just thought that I was buying some wreckage. How was I supposed to know that there was a baby in there?

Sisko

Maybe you should inspect the merchandise before you make the deal. Or isn't there a Rule of Acquisition for that?

Quark

There is, and usually I do.

Quark

I should have listened to my father. He always warned me this would happen.

Odo

[scoffs] What, that you'd spend your final hours in jail? I could have told you that.

Quark

No, he warned me never to leave home. There were plenty of business opportunities right outside my door, but no! I had to listen to the Seventy-Fifth Rule of Acquisition: “Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of latinum.” A lifetime of plotting and scheming, wheeling and dealing, and what has it got me? One measly little bar. My uncle Frin owns thirty, and my cousin Gaila-

Odo

I know. [sarcastically] "He owns a moon!"

Quark

I told you that?

Odo

Many times.

Quark

It's a small moon, but big enough to live on.

Odo

Come on, Quark. You've done alright for yourself.

Quark

"What do you know about it?

Odo

Quark, I've met a lot of Ferengis in my time, and the truth is, while some of them have been more wealthy, I've never met one more devious."

Quark

Really?

Odo

Would I lie?

Quark

I guess not. Thank you, Odo. That means a lot to me. Now, can I have the phaser back?

Odo

No.

Quark

"Why go to so much trouble to keep people out of the security office?"

Odo

"It's not to keep people out, it's to keep me in. I suppose, during the Occupation, the Cardassians considered their security chief a security risk."

Quark

"And I know why."

Odo

"Oh, do you?"

Quark

"It's because they knew you were an honorable man. The kind of person who would do the right thing regardless of the circumstances. And now your integrity… is going to get us both killed. I hope you're happy."

Jadzia Dax

And as the 34th Rule of Acquisition states: "Peace is good for business."

Quark

That's the 35th Rule.

Jadzia Dax

Oh, you're right. What's the 34th?

Quark

"War is good for business." It's easy to get them confused.

Quark

Read me the first word of every rule.

Rom

(flipping through the pages) "If" "never" "keep" "profit" "a" "good" "smile" "honesty"...

Quark

Aha! (standing up, he stares at the ceiling as if he'd just realized a hidden message) “If never keep profit, a good smile... honesty!”

Rom

What does it mean, brother?

Quark

It means... absolutely... nothing.

Quark

You embezzled money from the Nagus?

Rom

Surprise!

Quark

Father would be proud!

O'Brien

Quark?

Quark

Yes?

O'Brien

Dabo.

Quark

Dabo? Huh?

Dabo!

Quark

O'Brien! Wait!

Quark

I did it for his own good, Rom. I couldn't just stand by and watch my nephew throw his life away.

Rom

You had no right to interfere! I've already told Commander Sisko what you did, and he's going to let Nog retake the test!

Quark

You what?!

Rom

You heard me! And if you ever do anything to hurt Nog again, I'll burn the bar to the ground!

Quark

You wouldn't dare.

Rom

Oh. yes, I would. My son's happiness is more important to me than anything, even latinum! Remember that, brother!

Odo

Come on, Quark, move it along. You should be in the emergency shelter by now.

Quark

I'm not going to any emergency shelter! This is my bar and I'm going to defend it.

Odo

Really? And how do you plan to do that?

Quark

With this. (holds up a closed box)

Odo

You're going to hit them with a box?

Quark

No, this is my disruptor pistol, the one I used to carry back in the old days when I was serving on that Ferengi freighter.

Odo

I thought you were the ship's cook.

Quark

That's right, and every member of that crew thought he was a food critic. If the Klingons try to get through these doors, I'll be ready for them.

Odo

(reads aloud) "Dear Quark, I used parts of your disruptor to fix the replicators. Will return them soon. Rom."

Quark

(grabs the note) I will kill him!

Odo

With what?