Quark quotes from Deep Space Nine

Quark

Who are they?

Odo

Survivors of Gallitep. They arrived here this morning. They've come to see justice done.

Quark

Gallitep... imagine living through that hellhole... the pain... the sorrow... Do you think they like to gamble?

Odo

What do you know about the murder of Ensign Aquino?

Quark

You wound me. All these years together, I thought you knew me. Odo, I am not a killer!

Odo

No, but most of your friends are.

Quark

True, and I would gladly sell one of them to you if I could. But unfortunately, none of them have taken credit for the death of the Starfleet officer.

Odo

Keep your ears open.

Quark

Are you kidding? That's the Seventh Rule of Acquisition.

Quark

Must I remind you of the 76th Rule of Acquisition?

Rom

Uh, 76th...

Quark

“Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.”

Odo

Quark, I hate to do this, but I guess I'll have to—

Quark

That's not fair!

Odo

I haven't done anything yet.

Quark

Whatever you're going to do, it's not fair.

Odo

You're a deputy.

Quark

It's not— What?!

Odo

You're a deputy. I want you to find out where the weapons are going on Bajor. Meanwhile, I'm going to find out exactly where they're coming from.

Quark

You and me, a team?

Odo

That's right.

Quark

Goodbye.

Odo

Either that, or I'm putting you in a cell.

Quark

That's not fair. On what charge?

Odo

Impeding an investigation. Unless you want to reveal the identities of the people you've been talking to.

Quark

You know I can't do that.

Odo

It's your choice. You're a deputy or you're a prisoner.

Quark

[with fake enthusiasm] I'm a deputy.

Julian Bashir

Quark, leave it!

Quark

I can't leave it—it's all that I have. My personal mementos, my family album—

Julian Bashir

It's full of gold-pressed latinum, and you know it.

Quark

Who told you?

Julian Bashir

Your mother did, the day you were born.

Quark

NEVER MAKE FUN OF A FERENGI'S MOTHER. Rule of Acquisition Number 31!

Quark

Never place friendship above profit.

21st Rule of Acquisition.

Quark

I'm glad you agree.

I wanted to learn from the very best.

Quark

Uh-huh. Which brings to mind the 33rd Rule of Acquisition...

"It never hurts to suck up to the boss!"

Just remember one thing—the bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.

Quark

48th Rule of Acquisition.

The riskier the road, the greater the profit.

Quark

62nd Rule.

That's right!

But you know what 103rd Rule of Acquisition says!

Quark

Not offhand.

"Sleep can interfere with..."

Quark

And I don't care either!

You're enjoying this, aren't you?

Quark

Taken in by one of your own victims, and no one to turn to but me? Ha-ha-ha! I can't remember when I've been so entertained.

I still have my dignity.

Quark

"Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack." Rule of Acquisition Number 109.

Quark

They were good customers.

Kira

What?! That's it?!

Quark

At times like this, I'm reminded of the 57th Rule of Acquisition: "Good customers are as rare as latinum. Treasure them."

Quark

It all comes down to the Third Rule of Acquisition. You don't know that one, do you?

I am not well-versed in Ferengi philosophy.

Quark

Remind me to give you a copy of the Rules; you'll never know when they'll come in handy. Now, the Third Rule clearly states, "Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to."

Logical. But I fail to see how that applies to my situation.

Quark

You want to acquire peace. Fine, peace is good. But how much are you willing to pay for it?

Whatever it costs.

Quark

That's the kind of irresponsible spending that causes so many business ventures to fail. You're forgetting the Third Rule! Right now, peace could be bought at a bargain price, and you don't even realize it.

...I find this very confusing.

Quark

[sighs] Then I'll make it so simple that even a Vulcan can understand: the Central Command has been caught red-handed smuggling weapons to their settlers. So every ship that approaches the de-militarized zone will be searched. Without the support of the Central Command, the Cardassian settlers won't be so eager to fight.

You forget the weapons they already have.

Quark

They have weapons, you have weapons, everyone has weapons. But right now, no one has a clear advantage! So the price of peace is at an all-time low. This is the perfect time to sit down and hammer out an agreement. Don't you get it? Attacking the Cardassians now will only escalate the conflict, and make peace more expensive in the long run. Now, I ask you... is that logical?