Al Swearengen quotes from Deadwood

Al Swearengen

[to Adams] Get a fuckin' haircut. Looks like your mother fucked a monkey.

Al Swearengen

This bloated tick, Claggett, feeding on the neck of the fucking military.

Al Swearengen

Walk in unannounced is a good way to get yourself killed, Doc.

Al Swearengen

Announcing your plans is a good way to hear God laugh.

Al Swearengen

[To Johnny] You want to be a road agent? Deal out death when called upon? [Puts the cloth tight over Smith's face, holding him as he thrashes] Make a proper seal, stop up the breath. Apply pressure, even and firm, like packing a snowball. [Whispers as Smith dies] You can go now, brother.

Al Swearengen

[on Bullock and his affair with Alma] He don't know if he's breathing or taking it in through fucking gills; he is that fucking cunt-struck. They're afloat in some fairy fucking bubble, lighter than air. Him, her snatch and his stupid fucking badge.

Al Swearengen

Welcome to fuckin' Deadwood! Can be... combative!

Al Swearengen

Wave a penny under the Jew's nose. They have living breath in them, brings 'em right round.

Al Swearengen

What's the matter--taken by a vision? You would not want to be staring like that at me.

Al Swearengen

Over time, your quickness with a cocky rejoinder must have gotten you many punches in the face.

Swearengen

A full fair-mindedness requires us also to report that within the Gem, on Deadwood's main thoroughfare, comely whores, decently priced liquor and the squarest games of chance in the hills remain unabatedly available at all hours, seven days a week.

Al

Do they understand how most of what happens is people being drunk and stupid and trying to find something else to blame besides that that makes their lives totally fucked? No. They don't.

Al Swearengen

Pain or damage don't end the world, or despair or fucking beatings. The world ends when you're dead. Until then, you got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man--and give some back.

Al Swearengen

A man, as it happens a rival of mine, learning the secret of a great man's lieutenant would make that lieutenant his slave. My rival knows that expanding the circle of the informed, diluting his power, will confound his intention, so he takes precaution to be the sole sharer of his secret. Then the world being the world.. along comes a half-assed knight-errant, Utter, Hickok's ex-partner, to put all my rival's plans at risk. I'd seek audience with Utter, verify my thinking. He earns his bread shipping packages. And as the dimwit nobility that made him intercede may now make him reticent, you, Chief, will be my prop and ploy whilst I seek to draw him out.

Al Swearengen

[To the disembodied 'Chief'] Sent many of your friends to the happy hunting ground. Formidable Tom was, and no more a fool now than time shows us all.