[Pacey and Jen are grocery shopping for Grams' thanksgiving feast]
PaceyWhen I suggested that we hook up today, this is not exactly what I had in mind.
Believe me, I know, but unfortunatly, Grams' Thanksgiving feast takes precedence over our burgeoning sex life.
Pacey
Correct me if I'm wrong, but we don't actually have a sex life yet, do we?
What, and you think that that's my fault?
Pacey
Yeah, i do actually think that that's your fault.
I'm sorry, Pacey. I just find it difficult to watch you paw at me with...[giggles]
Pacey
Foreplay is no laughing matter. How do you expect a guy to do his best work in the face of scorn and derision?
It's just that we're friends, right? And seeing as how we are friends, but now we're friends that...do that... it's just gonna take time getting used to it. Although maybe we could find a moment later?
Pacey
I can't. I think I have to go to my parents' for Thanksgiving.
Pacey
I'm sorry. I have to. I figure it's the right thing to do seeing as they brought me into the world and all.
Pacey
Well it's such a joyous occasion. Just imagine the Witter women slaving over a hot stove all afternoon just to be told the Butterball is too dry, by a guy sitting on his derrière, getting drunk and watching football.
Well, despite the creamed onions, gotta love Grams for offering an alternative.
Pacey
You do. Speaking of, you know, you never told me who else is coming.
Don't worry, Pacey. Andie politely declined the invite.
Pacey
Hey I wasn't going there.
Please. I think that she's making dinner for Jack and her dad tonight.
Pacey
Sounds nice. It's good for her to have family at Thanksgiving.
Come here [she pulls him close]
Pacey
[smelling her hair and rubbing her back] Good lord, you smell good. [Jen chuckles] What was that? [she starts laughing] Oh, come on!
[after making out with Pacey] Nothing?
Pacey
Nothing, you?
Nothing, God Pacey this is weird.
Pacey
It's the damnedest thing. How are we supposed to have some lurid, purely sexual affair when every time we get together...?
There's no sexual tension.
Pacey
Nada.
Pacey
It seems to me that under the previous regimes in my life, every time I was studying, I was given a reward.
Pacey
And I'm not talkin' about Chex Mix. I'm talking about Tamara, and I'm talking about Andie. Let's just say that those 2 ladies, they trained me to equate studying with...
Pacey
Sex. I equate studying with sex, sex with studying. Now I get the studying, but no sex, you understand? So it's a little hard to get motivated these days.
So what you're saying is you're merely the innocent victim in some behavioral psychology experiment gone horribly awry.
Pacey
Yeah.
And you're desperately in need of some able-bodied female to help you provoke those pre-conditioned Pavlovian homework responses?
Pacey
Yes.
That is the worst pick-up line I have ever heard, Pacey.
Pacey
And what pray tell, are you two doing here?
Just enjoying the fine art of ball room dancing.
PPenny
[Walking up] Didn't I say you two would be naturals? Much better than these two and they've been here all week. But you used to date, didn't you?
Uh...look, not right now, okay?
PPenny
I'm right, aren't I? You dated, it didn't work out. But then you got past all your issues and now you actually trust each other, right? See, you can see that in the dancing. You can see, that the trust is there. Now these two on the other hand...[Points out Pacey and Joey dancing] Whole different story. I mean, look at them. Look at their..their form, look at the tension in their arms...
Pacey
Okay is there some sort of problem here?
PPenny
What did I say about rib cages touching?
Pacey
It's just not going to happen, alright?
PPenny
Right...see what I mean? See the hostility, the way they're weary with each other, not to mention the constant bickering and name calling. Now these two clearly are in the early stages of some screwball mating ritual.
Pacey
What?
[Scoffs] Okay, you've got it all wrong, lady.
Pacey
Oh, completely.
Actually, you could not be more wrong.
PPenny
Okay. There's enough sexual tension here to power a KISS reunion tour. I can't remember the last time I saw dancing this bad....true...
Wait a minute, you think that just because they can't dance that they're...?
PPenny
Well, it's this theory that I've developed based on years of experience...if people dance that badly, then they're usually hot for each other...the dancing doesn't lie.
Okay, so... Do you want to just tell me what's going on?
Pacey
It's not what you think, Dawson, not even close.
How do you know what I think?
Pacey
Well, because man it's written all over your face, okay? Yes, me and Joey have been spending a lot of time together recently, because we've been here trying to learn how to ballroom dance and then she's teaching me a little trigonometry. You know what's much more interesting to me is that out of all the possible blond and brunette combinations, of women you and I both know, the first one that popped into your mind is Joey, now why is that, do you think?
Pacey, you're not going to get out of this by attempting to psychoanalyze me.
Pacey
I'm just asking a simple question. I mean, Dawson, you and Joey...she's not your girlfriend anymore.
Pacey
Right...so then why are we having this conversation? See where I'm going with this? I mean, you're the same guy who told me a couple weeks ago that the two of you just needed to go your separate ways.
Yeah, we do need to go our separate ways, it just never occurred to me that...
Pacey
That what? That she would actually go her separate way too...or perhaps it didn't occur to you that her separate way would include a stop over at me, is that what it is? God, man, this is the way it always is with you, you talk and talk but you don't listen to yourself. I mean, you say you're over her, but you're not. They're just words. They don't mean anything to you.
You don't know what you're talking about.
Pacey
[Scoffs and turns and gestures over at Joey, who is dancing with an old man] Look at that girl, Dawson. Just take a good look, she's a freaking goddess, man, how long did you think it was going to be before some guy comes along and is interested in her, I mean really dude, and when that happens, what are you going to do?
I-I'm just going to take it all as it comes.
Pacey
You're going to take is at it comes, hombre, well perhaps you should start figuring out right now, because the guy that comes along is not going to be your best friend and he's not going to ask for your permission, the guy that comes along is going to take one look at that woman and just cut right in on ya.
What are you hiding, Pacey?
Pacey
What?
Because all this analysis on my love life doesn't change the fact that you haven't answered my original question, why did I find that condom?
Pacey
Why do I bother? [Turns around and walks away]
You went to Joey for advice about us?
Pacey
Yeah. I know, not so smart, huh?
Smart or not smart, it's just...funny, you went to her.
Pacey
Well, I wouldn't say that I went to her. I mean, she just kind of happened to be there, we were studying.
Can I ask you something, Pacey? What is it about her?
Pacey
Huh?
She's obviously got something that makes boys and emotional turmoil just flock to her.
Pacey
Come again?
Come on, Dawson's the same way. Whatever small problem got to him he went straight to Joey.
Pacey
So who else would you have me talk to? I can't exactly go to Andie with something like this, so I guess I'm supposed to commune with deputy Doug then?
Dawson. Why couldn't you just go to Dawson?
Pacey
[Chuckles] What?
Unless, of course you now feel uncomfortable talking to him about your sex like considering...
Pacey
Considering what?
That your current girl Friday used to be his.
Pacey
[scoffs] Okay, now correct me if I'm wrong, but Dawson Leery didn't actually know about you and I till, what? Two minutes ago.
I'm not talking about us.
Pacey
What, Joey? This has nothing to do with Joey!
Pacey, I saw the way you overreacted to Dawson, I saw the way that Joey overreacted to us. I know you're having trouble in math these days, but it doesn't take Einstein to get the sum total of these two overreactions.
Pacey
You're gonna have to explain this one to me, because I've gotta be missing something here, you're talking about Joey Potter, right, the one who can't walk into the same room with me without gagging, huh? That Joey Potter. There is nothing going on between us!
No, Pacey there's nothing between us!
I think, if I were Joey and Bessie, I would consider myself very lucky to have you in my life.
Pacey
Why? Everything and everybody that I touch, I screw up, alright, you're aware of the Midas touch, right? You've heard of that? Okay, well the Midas touch, whatever that is, I've got the opposite.
Don't be so sure. I mean, look at you, you're still at it, you haven't given up. Pace, instead of..dwelling on everything that's gone wrong this weekend..so far..um...think of what you've contributed. I mean you've put a lot of selfless work into this place, right? Now that's the real question. Listen, that goes to the heart of who Pacey Witter is.
Pacey
What?
What makes you care so much?
Pacey
It's not too late to bail, okay? Believe me.
Why would I want to do that, Pacey?
Pacey
Because, this guy's an operator, okay? I can tell, I mean the first thing he's going to do when he comes through that door, is he's going to pay you some lame compliment about how incredible you look tonight [Looks her up and down, noticing himself how incredible she does look.]
Pacey
I'm looking out for you!
Pacey
So, what, you going to see this guy again?
I don't know. I mean, what's the point? I mean, he's older than me and he's..and he's smarter than me. And he lives far away, a very not insignificant problem seeing as I can't even drive yet, and...and how could I ever feel about him the way I..
Pacey
...Feel about about Dawson.
No, I was...actually going to say felt.
Pacey
You want to know something Miss Josephine Potter? I think the world just may surprise you yet. I mean you fall in love, and it doesn't work out, you think it will never happen. But it does, believe me it does, in the strangest of places.
You were in a rare form tonight
Pacey
How bad do I suck, huh?
So what seems to be the problem?
Pacey
[shakes his head]) There is no problem, Dougie
Oh, come on Pacey, I found you hanging from a tree getting completely wasted, huh...so what is it a girl or something?
Pacey
What?
Okay, so it's a girl....who is she?
Pacey
You know what, Dougie, it's really not that important, okay?
Pacey
I'll tell you something, though. She is really really annoying.
Pacey
Yeah, I mean this girl is amazing. There is not a single subject on the face of the planet that she doesn't have an opinion about. It's mind-boggling.
Wow, that certainly sounds like a nightmare.
Pacey
Wha-no, it's not quite like that, Doug, I mean you've got to understand...the girl's really smart so she's usually right and when she argues it comes from this really beautiful, pure place, so how can you fight against that? Especially when you're smart ass like me.
Pacey
Yeah, she is pretty. She is very very pretty. She's actually the kind of pretty that gives you butterflies, you know what I mean?
Ah, yeah...never lose the butterflies.
Pacey
What?
You maybe ask what sucks most about getting older. Somewhere along the line you just...lost the butterflies...so the question is little brother, what are you going to do about it?
Pacey
Do?
Yeah, do. As in do something. Take action.
Pacey
No, I don't think you're really properly grasping the gravity of this situation, Dougie. You see if I was to actually do something about this, there is the strong possibility that the sun would cease to shine, that the tides would cease to rise. In fact, I'm betting there's a pretty good chance that the very earth would crack open and Capeside would become home to a huge hell mouth, that would spew forth endless hoards of monsters and demons that would choke the denizens of this city, making them fall to their knees and PRAY for a return to the days before...I took action. That's really what we're talking about here.
Pacey
What I said last night was way out of line...and yes I was drunk, but more to the point I was just plain wrong and I wanted you to know that I was really sorry.
Well...I was worried about you too, Pacey.
Pacey
Me?...Why?
Well...because, I mean Satan himself could lead Dawson into the fiery pits of hell and he would still come out with his moral code firmly intact, but you....maybe I think that nobody's worrying about you right now.
Pacey
So then, what you're really saying is, given the highly dysfunctional nature of our relationship, this is actually how you express concern for me?
You gotta learn to read between the banter, Pacey.
Pacey
Right...[long pause]
So...so, are we all finished here?
Pacey
No, actually, um...there's something else.
Pacey
Yeah...it's just something I've been meaning to tell you...uh...look, uh...Joey...[They give each other cute looks]...you're lingering on your clutch, okay? I know you think you're just easing into the gear, but...it's not a good idea, you know, maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow, but soon you're going to do a lot of damage to your transmission, so...what I was thinking was that if you wanted to, I could show you.
Pacey
Yeah. [they smile at each other]
You will keep the CD collection in alphabetical order, by last name, not first. Do you understand?
Pacey
Oh yeah, definitely. But I don't see the need for me to dip into your diva collection any time too soon.
Oh, I think you'd be surprised at how a tortured and passion female voice can sooth an Achy Breaky Heart.
Pacey
My heart is just fine, thank you very much.
Oh, sure it is little brother, sure it is.
Pacey
Look, Doug, if you're referring to our brief jail house conversation, you can just chalk it up to drunken rambling.
Well, there won't be any of that on my watch. And I won't have any moping around like a love sick puppy, either. By the way, are you any good at decoupage?
Pacey
Oh god, help me.
Pacey
Yes, Dawson. You know, looking out for you. Think back with me, way back, you know like the beginning of the school year. Dawson Leery returns from the big city a changed man, determined to sever ties with girl across the creek, so he asks trusted friend to look after said girl turning the delicate transitional period. Trusted friend of course he obliges and now trusted friend gets his head handed to him on a platter.
So you guys just traded me off like some sort of baseball card? Is that what this is about?
Pacey
What?
Us. You and me. I-I thought that...
Pacey
You thought what?
I guess I thought something else, Pacey.
Dawson's Creek · 557 quotes
