Doug Witter quotes from Dawson's Creek

Doug

Pacey, I think that you're a daring original. I think you have a talent for flying in the face of conventionality. And I think that you were born to break the rules, not enforce them. And you know what? I actually admire that in you. I really do.

Doug

You were in a rare form tonight

Pacey

How bad do I suck, huh?

Doug

So what seems to be the problem?

Pacey

[shakes his head]) There is no problem, Dougie

Doug

Oh, come on Pacey, I found you hanging from a tree getting completely wasted, huh...so what is it a girl or something?

Pacey

What?

Doug

Okay, so it's a girl....who is she?

Pacey

You know what, Dougie, it's really not that important, okay?

Doug

Okay.

Pacey

I'll tell you something, though. She is really really annoying.

Doug

Yeah?

Pacey

Yeah, I mean this girl is amazing. There is not a single subject on the face of the planet that she doesn't have an opinion about. It's mind-boggling.

Doug

Wow, that certainly sounds like a nightmare.

Pacey

Wha-no, it's not quite like that, Doug, I mean you've got to understand...the girl's really smart so she's usually right and when she argues it comes from this really beautiful, pure place, so how can you fight against that? Especially when you're smart ass like me.

Doug

Is she pretty?

Pacey

Yeah, she is pretty. She is very very pretty. She's actually the kind of pretty that gives you butterflies, you know what I mean?

Doug

Ah, yeah...never lose the butterflies.

Pacey

What?

Doug

You maybe ask what sucks most about getting older. Somewhere along the line you just...lost the butterflies...so the question is little brother, what are you going to do about it?

Pacey

Do?

Doug

Yeah, do. As in do something. Take action.

Pacey

No, I don't think you're really properly grasping the gravity of this situation, Dougie. You see if I was to actually do something about this, there is the strong possibility that the sun would cease to shine, that the tides would cease to rise. In fact, I'm betting there's a pretty good chance that the very earth would crack open and Capeside would become home to a huge hell mouth, that would spew forth endless hoards of monsters and demons that would choke the denizens of this city, making them fall to their knees and PRAY for a return to the days before...I took action. That's really what we're talking about here.

Doug

You will keep the CD collection in alphabetical order, by last name, not first. Do you understand?

Pacey

Oh yeah, definitely. But I don't see the need for me to dip into your diva collection any time too soon.

Doug

Oh, I think you'd be surprised at how a tortured and passion female voice can sooth an Achy Breaky Heart.

Pacey

My heart is just fine, thank you very much.

Doug

Oh, sure it is little brother, sure it is.

Pacey

Look, Doug, if you're referring to our brief jail house conversation, you can just chalk it up to drunken rambling.

Doug

Well, there won't be any of that on my watch. And I won't have any moping around like a love sick puppy, either. By the way, are you any good at decoupage?

Pacey

Oh god, help me.

Doug

[picking Pacey up at jail] You're not satisfied with being a moron and failure. You gotta add drunk to your list of credentials?

Pacey

[Gets angry and attacks Doug] What? This is it for me! [Doug tries to hold him off] This is my whole life right here! This is all I get.

Doug

Looks like somebody's in quite the hurry this morning.

Jack

Sheriff Doug, hey, look, I'm sorry. I'm late and I'm trying to get to class.

Doug

Well, I have no choice but to issue you a citation for doing 40 in a 25.

Jack

Look, I already have all these points against my license. You think maybe there's something I could do to...get you to look the other way.

Doug

May I remind you, Mr. McPhee, that attempting to bribe a public official is a serious offense?

Jack

Uh, you know, I was just hoping that maybe, um... I could appeal to your greater sense of compassion?

Doug

All right. Just this once, I'll let you go with a warning.

Jack

Thanks, honey.

Doug

No, no, never, never call me honey.

Jack

Dude, it's a deserted road. Chill.

Doug

Don't call me dude, either.

Jack

All right, tonight? Dinner later?

Doug

Yeah. I'll cook. My place.

Jack

Great. I'll bring the handcuffs. Kidding. I'll see you.

Doug

Yeah, I'll see you. Jack... slow down.

Jack

You got it.