Dan, Jean and others in “Parents”

[arrives at Toddler Todd's Tykeland while two little boys come close to him such as getting sprayed in the face and grossed out by a kid with boogers] Ah! Ahem! [he goes on stage while a little boy hugs his leg with another little boy following him as he gets ready to give attention to everyone] Ahem!!!! [he grunts as a little kid hits him with a floatable hammer and kicks the recorder off the table] May I have your attention please? [angrily] SHUT UP!!! [normal voice] I'd like to inform you that Toddler Todd hasum, been arrested. For clown trafficking. [the baby cries much to Dan's yelling] Yeah. I'm your substitute toddler guy, Dan. Now who here has heard of the DAN Method? I'm not surprised, considering you're all awful parents! But there is hope! Let me break it down for you. DAN stands for discipline, action, knowledge. The 3 pillars of parenthood.

Hi, Dan.

Jean Goodhill. We met earlier in the park. I'm not sure I understand. Well, Jean- [Jean's baby continues crying] Are you going to get that? In child-led parenting, we believe babies have the right to express themselves. Oh do you now? Watch and learn. Ahem. [imitating baby noises to Jean's baby] WHAAA!!! WHAA!! THAT'S WHAT YOU SOUND LIKE!!! BLOO GLEE GLAA!!

[pops out of the car's trunk] This is no way to treat the Child Educator of the Year.

That was random.

Kale, I need you to scrape the mold out of the AC unit. You love this thing, right? [yells at Kale] BACK TO WORK! [Kale leaves] Did everyone see how I parented Kale? I incorporated all aspects of the DAN Method. I DISCIPLINED him by making him scrape mold. I ACTED when I destroyed his favorite toy. And I-

Dan, I know the kids are well-behaved right now, but couldn't the DAN Method give them long-term psychological damage?

Who cares? It's better than your enabling, coddling, spoiling nonsense.

I really hope you don't have kids. You'd make an awful parent.

What are you talking about? If I wanted to, I could be the best parent in the world!

[shows up injured] Help me! I've been assaulted!

By who?

Him!

There's a simple explanation- [he runs off to Chris]

Hey, Dan, question for you-

No, it didn't go well in there. Sometimes you can't reach people with words alone. You have to lead by example. Chris, I've decided to become a father.