Hortence, Dan and others in “The Animal Shelter”

Welcome to Burgerphile, home of the world-famous burger bowl.

World-famous? Whatever you say, sweetness. Get me a plain burger, small cola, and a milkshake for my friend here. That's a plain burger, no cheese. I'm lactose-intolerant. You put cheese on my burger, I will die, You put cheese on my burger, I will die, but not before I burn this place to the ground!

That'll be $2.98, sir.

Keep the change, pumpkin. You're okay, buddy. [at the table] Ketchup, the one true condiment. Here's your milk shake, slugger. "Thanks, Dan. You're my best friend." I know. "l love you." Um I feel somewhat warmly towards you, but to be honest, this conversation's making me uncomfortable. [his phone rings] Thank goodness. It's Elise. I'll get it. Yello.

Where have you taken Chris? Somebody stole him from the hospital.

And you just assume it was me.

I saw the security tapes! You also took our car!

Possession is 9-10ths of the law, I'll have you know. Technically Chris is mine now.

Bring him back to the hospital this instant! He needs medical care!

Bring him back? Why? We're having a great time. Sure, he's a little pale and his breathing's shallow, but he's fine. Plus he's going to help me blow up-- I mean, run some errands. I can drop him off when we're done.

Bring him back now, Dan!

What's that? You're breaking up! Crackle! Crackle! Buzz!

You're not even making the noises. You're just saying crackle and buzz.

Crackle! Buzz! [hangs up the phone] Revenge is hard enough without these stupid distractions. [when Dan's phone rings again, he throws it off, and drinks Chris' milkshake] Oh, no. [shocked] Chris, why did you let me drink your milk shake? [he goes out of Burgerphile with Chris tied in a dolly] I've got to get to my medicine. Come on. [he feels pain in his stomach as Chris rolls off] Curse you, Burgerphile! You're going on the list.