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S1 E5

Dan Vs. · Season 1, Episode 5

Dan, Elise and others in “The Animal Shelter”

[Dan and Elise are at a room at the hospital with Chris]

Dan

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

Elise

Say beep one more time.

Dan

Beep?

Elise

[punches Dan] Be serious! He still hasn't woken up!

Dan

Oh, he's fine. They said they got most of the poison out. He's in a better place now.

Elise

Better place? He's in a hospital. This is pretty much the worst place you can be!

Dan

I would think shark tank.

Elise

Dan!

Dan

Well, whose fault is this anyway?

Elise

Yours!

Dan

No way. Listen, if you walk into somebody's house and you see a meat loaf on the counter, do you just dig right in? He didn't even ask.

Elise

You know Chris is on the see-food diet.

Dan

That's no excuse for monkey wrenching my plans. Also, meatloaf isn't seafood. [pause] Oh, seafood. I get it. It's a good thing you still have a sense of humor even though Chris is dead. Dying. Poisoned. Whatever. He's fine.

Elise

I am going to get some tea. DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING! [leaves]

Dan

Finally. Do you want to tag along on my revenge? Yes, I do. Do you want to pay for everything with your credit cards? I don't know. Oh, come on. We'll have a blast. Well, all right. Can I get a milk shake later? Of course you can, buddy. [he steals a patient's clothes and puts it on Chris] This is the 3rd most uncomfortable thing I've had to do all week. [cut to him with Chris in a wheelchair] Doctor.

Doctor

Doctor.

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