Dan and Chris in “The Animal Shelter”

That's Chris' knock. Sounds like he clipped his nails this morning. [Chris arrives] Finally.

I came as soon as I got your message. Hey, do I smell meat loaf?

Got my message? Why was your phone off?

Well, my doctor says I'd sleep more if I didn't take your calls in the middle of the night.

This is not okay. You never turn your phone off ever again. Promise me.

So what do you need me for?

Promise me!

I promise. Why am I here?

Vengeance. They built an animal shelter across the street.

Another one?

What do you mean another one?

Well, Manfrangensen Animal Shelter's been there since before you moved in. It's an historic landmark. I'm sure we've talked about this before.

What was that? I wasn't listening.

What's the problem, Dan?

Well, they won't let me sleep.

[eating Dan's meatloaf] Who's that?

Would you start paying attention? The howling beasts. But they'll get theirs.

[eating Dan's meatloaf] How?

You'll distract the incompetent at the counter. I'll sneak the poison into the kennel.

Wait. Wait, are you planning to poison abandoned animals?

I mean, kind of.

No!

Why not? They're just gonna go to sleep forever.

Dan, these are innocent creatures that have been abandoned by an uncaring society.

What if I just poison the guy who works there?

That would be murder.

But it's for a good cause. I can release the animals, and they can run free.

I don't think that will sway the jury.

So I just wasted my whole day making this poison meat loaf? [Chris eats all of Dan's poisoned meatloaf] Oh, no.

Dan? Have I been poisoned? Dan?

Have you been eating my poisoned meatloaf?

Do you have more than one meatloaf?

Who has more than one meatloaf!?

[spins around] Oh no! Oh no!

Maybe you should go ahead and sit down.

I'm feeling pretty light-headed.

Yeah. You've been poisoned. Seriously, you should sit down.

I think I'm going to faint.

Fall this way. I'll catch you. [Chris faints after eating the poisoned meatloaf] You really should have sat down. [grabs Chris] What are you, made of sand? Well, I'm not paying for an ambulance.