“The Salvation Armed Forces” quotes from Dan Vs.

Sir! Thank you for your generous donation, sir. [opens the back of the truck]

Chris

No problem.

This old thing was just sitting around.

Dan

[inside the chair] Ow!

Chris

Shhh! -hould I, uh, help you move it? It's deceptively heavy. And misanthropic.

That would be great. [he and Chris lift the chair and put it in the truck] What was that sir?

Chris

Nothing. Enjoy the Dan. Chair. The chair's name... is "Dan". Goodbye chair.

Dan

[voiceover] Attention!

[falls over from his chair] Who are you suppose to be?

Dan

[dressed up wearing a marching band costume] I'm General... Anesthesia, commander-in-chief of the Salvation Armed Forces.

Well, I have never heard of you.

Dan

Well, sure, that's because - SCORPIONS! [throws bucket of scorpions on him, causing him to scream] Oh, calm down. They only sting when you scream.

I CAN'T STOP SCREAMIN'!

Dan

[through a walkie-talkie] The football is in play. The football is in play. Over.

Was that the code?

Dan

[through a walkie-talkie] Yes! Over!

I forgot what that one meant.

Dan

[through a walkie-talkie] It means I have disabled the guard, and you guys can come out now! Over!

Oh, right. Gotacha!

Dan

[through a walkie-talkie] NO! You don't say "gotcha". It's "Roger".

Oh, right. Gotcha!

Dan

Oh, I hate that guy.

Hey Roger? The radio's still on.

Heh heh heh. Back for more? [menacingly rings his bell trying to attack him, but Dan presses the open trunk button to release Rottweilers by scaring the Salvation Armed Forces Guy away, screaming, Dan enters to get the toaster back]