(during the autopsy post)
Lindsay: Any stomach contents?
Sid: Like you wouldn't believe. At least two hotdogs, popcorn, nachos, peanuts, an ice-cream sandwich and almost a full liter of beer.
Danny: I'm surprised he could get out of his seat!
Sid: What's even more surprising is the traces of phentermine I also found in his bloodstream.
Lindsay: Wait, time-out, Scott was taking an appetite suppressant?
Sid: Clearly a failure in this case, but someone still found him lovable! (hands Danny impression/trace cards)
Danny: Lip prints.
Sid: Twelve to be exact. I lifted them from both cheeks, the neck and the forehead. In various shades, from Candy Kitten to Sangria Sunset.
Lindsay: Twelve girls on the cheerleading squad.

(hallucinates seeing Lindsay Monroe walking towards him and realizes it is not her)
Danny Messer: I'm losing my mind.

(in reference to the jeweled pet)
Lindsay: I mean, isn't the cockroach kind of the unofficial mascot of New York?
Danny: Very funny, take it easy there, Montana.

(in the hospital, Stella talks about her ex-boyfriend, Frankie, trying to remember what happened the night she was attacked in her apartment)
Stella: He'd never even been to my apartment. That was one of my rules, 'no guys in the apartment' in case something goes bad. That way I always have a safe place to go back to.

(in the ME's office)
Danny: (about Ruben) I saw him. I saw him. He was fine. I saw him. He rode the bike right away from me. I shouldn't have stopped. I shouldn't have stopped. Why did I stop!? I should've made sure the kid got home safe.
Mac: Ruben was a block and a half from your apartment building. There was a man down bleeding. Justin Scott needed your help. You acted on instinct, Danny.
Danny: Oh, man, I wish I hadn't. I wish I hadn't. Oh, I wish I hadn't! He just got his bicycle blessed this morning.

(Lindsay has interrogated Charlene)
Charlene: Any more questions?
Lindsay: No.
(Charlene starts to walk away)
Lindsay: Just a suggestion. Stay in town.

(Lindsay walks in and finds Sheldon and Adam writing on a glass board to calculate the exact place from where a victim plunged to his death.)
Lindsay: Aw, yuck. Trigonometry.

(looking at a dead body in the lab)
Stella Bonasera: So we're possibly looking at New York City's best-dressed kidnapper.
Mac Taylor: And our kidnap victim is missing.

(Looking at the back of a DVD in an 'adult entertainment' shop)
Danny: "Art of Whore. When a soldier's unit is taken by surprise..."
Stella: Danny...
Danny: What, you don't want me to ruin the ending for you?

(Mac and Hawkes enter the Jeffries' apartment.)
Mac Taylor: Welcome to the house of trinogamy.
Hawkes: Wow, I gotta admit this was not what I expected.
Mac: I'll bite. What were you expecting?
Hawkes: I dunno...lava lamps, weird tapestry, a robo-spanker, maybe a couple of big--
Mac: (cuts him off) All right, all right. I'm sorry I asked.
(all looking at the victim wearing a glitzy costume)

(Mac and Sid are examining Salvador Zabo's body)
Mac Taylor: Tattoo's been removed. Can you lift it?
Sid: I can lift the Titanic if you give me proper tools.

(Mac has arrested Dr. Beaumont and he won't stop talking)
Mac: Dr Beaumont, you have the right to remain silent. Use it.

(Marty is consulting Danny over the phone about how to examine the victim)
Marty: Lucky you're not claustrophobic. Me? I do not like confined spaces.
Danny: Why'd you choose a career that puts you in a windowless room with dead bodies then?
Marty: Ladies love the degree.
Danny: 6 years of med school to become a player, eh?
Marty: No...I was already a player, Messer. I just needed the bank to pay for my Porsche.
Danny: You know what? I officially hate you right now, all right?
Marty: [laughing] You done?
Danny: Yup. Only thing abnormal about this guy is the blood leaking from his neck.

(on a dive boat, in the East River)
Danny: (as he gears up to go into the water) A graveyard for subways? What happened, they run out of landfill or what?
Mac: (laughs a little) Cheaper to sink ��em then scrap ��em.
Sheldon: And the subway reefs provide a marine life sanctuary.
Danny: Yeah, well screw the fish. Hope it provides us with a crime scene.
Mac: Holden surfaced right here in the harbor. We're here. Subway reef is right under us. And we're gonna focus on the old Redbird transit cars. They're the ones that contain asbestos. It's dark down there. We got tidal currents, rocks and reefs to deal with.
Danny: Let's look on the bright side. We're not gonna worry about sharks.

(seeing the gag store)
Flack: Laughing Larry? You gotta be kidding me. Do you have any idea how much of my childhood was cruelly destroyed by this moron?
Lindsay: Trust me. I feel your pain.
Stella: You two wanna enlighten me here?
Flack: I was into comic books as a kid, right?
Stellla: Yep.
Flack: And this guy had a full-page ad in the back of each and every one of ��em selling things like Dribble Glasses, Onion Gum, Hypno-Coins, Whoopee cushions.
Lindsay: Plastic vomit, rubber dog-doo.
Stellla: Hmm. Sounds great.
Flack: Oh, yeah. And it all looked great. And I'd do whatever it took. I would scrimp, I would save, I would mow every last lawn in the neighborhood to get my hands on Sneezing Salts or a hundred-piece Battle Fleet. And then, I go to the mailbox, and right there, before my innocent young eyes, would be disappointment in a cardboard box.
Lindsay: I once spent my entire summer allowance on this hovercraft that Laughing Larry said would take me and my friends riding on a carpet of thin air. Hovercrap!
Flack: How about the x-ray specs I bought in middle school to see through a girl's clothes? The only thing I ever saw through those was a nun coming at me with a yardstick.