Sid: (about the hydrofluoric acid that killed the teacher) Do you have any idea how often I've wondered what would happen if you swallowed this stuff. And there it is sitting on the shelf, perhaps the most corrosive acid known to man. You just get that urge to take a swig, you know what I'm talking about?
Mac: Absolutely. Like when ever I pick up a scalpel, I wonder if I could perform a live autopsy on myself.
Sid: You do that too, 'cuz I thought I was... (turns to realize Mac is joking) Don't play with me like that.

Sid: (about their burn victim) Face with no name is simply a face. And your victim's helmet preserved his quite well, but it hasn't helped me make an I.D. Yet.
Danny: To think I ever opposed the helmet law.
Sid: Well, not so fast. That skull bucket also contributed to what killed him.
Danny: You mean, it wasn't the fact that he was on fire with a high speed impact with a fire truck?
Sid: Imagine your victim catches fire. A helmet starts to fill up with toxic fumes. He panics, struggling to get it off, which only increases the rate of smoke inhalation. Result was direct toxicity to the cardiac muscle.
Mac: C.O.D. was smoke inhalation.
Sid: And death was near instantaneous.
Danny: What about the stab wounds?
Sid: Turned out to be minor injuries inflicted with a meat thermometer.
Danny: Whoa. Wha'? A meat thermometer? Who stabs somebody with a meat thermometer?
Sid: Cannibal? It's anyone's guess. Severity of charring was significantly greater above his ankles than below...And based on the degree of trauma to the bones, I'd say your human comet's rate of speed was at least 80 mph at the time of impact.
Danny: 80?! What was he doing to be moving that fast?
Sid: Now keep in mind that I'm simply a pathologist, but the injuries to this victim, well frankly, they appear consistent....with him re-entering the Earth's atmosphere. Now until you come up with some evidence that says otherwise, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Sid: (about their vic) There are 206 bones in the human body. Richard Caldrone broke 204 of them.
Stella: Well, jumping off a bridge has a tendency to do that.

Sid: (after assessing the vic's cause of death) I'm guessing she was held captive for a long time, tortured and possibly drugged. Any theories?
Mac: This woman murdered people for a living. She was highly skilled. She probably trained to endure torture. Whatever her killer was after, she didn't give it up easily.
Sid: Or give it up at all.

Sid: (Allison Redman's death) I realize this is usually the part where I tell you that I found some strange, unusual, bizarre, aberrant, peculiar, idiosyncratic�� that's it, I don't have any more synonyms for strange. Wait�� weird, weird piece of evidence. But, alas, there's no Gila monster in her stomach. She simply succumbed to the bomb.
Danny is talking to Mac and gets distracted when Lindsay walks by

Sid: (during the autopsy) Cause of death was not natural, he was in superb shape, lungs, heart, all the vital organs are near perfect.
Mac: So you're saying... he's actually still alive?

Sid: (scratching at his arms and shoulders during the post) All right, then, ladies, unless there's something else?
Stella: There is one more thing, Sid. Mucuna pruriens. In India, they're also known as velvet-bean, cow-itch, but here in the United States, we usually call it itching powder. (hands him the evidence bag with a packet as Lindsay starts laughing)
Sid: Oh, no, oh, no...
Stella: It looks like he stuck it in his pocket, and after the blast, it wound up dispersed on his clothes.
Sid: (looking between the two women) Why aren't you...
Stella: A long-sleeved lab coat. Both stylish and functional.
Sid: Exploding cigars, insect ice-cubes, itching powder... what kind of a clown are we after?

Sid: (showing Sheldon and Danny the cell phone that was pulled from the vic) My first dead ringer. (Danny laughs a bit)

Sid: (standing over a decomposed body) The last 15 overdose cases Pino worked. I had them exhumed.
Mac: (taking a good look at the corpse) You're the doctor, but isn't this one a few organs short?
Sid: Two kidneys, one bladder, and a liver to be exact.
Mac: All the organs where narcotics naturally accumulate.
Sid: And each of these bodies is missing the same ones.
Mac: It appears as if Marty Pino was able to produce heroin by cutting out and processing key organs from his assigned overdose cases. He used his training and this place as his own personal heroin pipeline. Only after he lost his job and access to dead junkies, he resorted to murder. (camera pans back to reveal the room is filled with bodies)

Sid: (to Sheldon & Mac about the victim) The rawness of the flesh indicates she was alive during the beheading, but I bet she didn't feel a thing. Her blood alcohol level was 0.26 blotto. The highest I've ever registered was 0.23, but that was in celebration of my first divorce, and I fell down a flight of stairs, didn't feel a thing.
[the team arrives to investigate a murder at a college fraternity party]

Sid: (walking into the lab with Stella) Our vic's body couldn't help but remind me of my Great-Uncle Andy.
Stella: Oh, hearing that is enough to make any model break into tears.
Sid: (chuckling) Oh, no, there's no physical resemblance, although he was in freakishly superior shape for an octogenarian. But no, what I mean is Uncle Andy would never finish telling a story. Every time you thought he was done, he'd find something more to say.

Sid: (with the impaled hotel concierge) When I was an intern, they brought in a guy who had fallen off a loading dock onto a container of steel reinforcement rods. Talk about a thousand points of light.

Sid: Did you know that between 400 and 1400 A.D. there was a common belief that mummia was a potent medicine with curative powers? People used to grind up mummy parts and put them on their bodies to get well when they were sick.
Stella: (musing) Mmm, take two milligrams of mummy and call me in the morning.
Sid: (chuckles) Something like that.
Mac: Sid, I thought you had hobbies outside of work.
Sid: I take it my interest in the history of my profession and the fascinating world of the post-mortem does not strike you as an enjoyable pastime?
Mac: (to Stella) Let's take him to a Jets game this weekend

Sid: First vic I've not had to wash in some time - clean as they come!

Sid: I'm thinking maybe I missed something.
Mac: Sid, Natalie was pronounced dead in Michigan. Why are you blaming yourself?
Sid: Because I dismissed her mother's suspicion as that of a grieving parent. Perhaps if I'd looked more closely, I might have been able to prevent the death of her teammate.