Sid Hammerback quotes from CSI: NY

Sid

(after assessing the vic's cause of death) I'm guessing she was held captive for a long time, tortured and possibly drugged. Any theories?

Mac

This woman murdered people for a living. She was highly skilled. She probably trained to endure torture. Whatever her killer was after, she didn't give it up easily.

Sid

Or give it up at all.

Sid

(about the hydrofluoric acid that killed the teacher) Do you have any idea how often I've wondered what would happen if you swallowed this stuff. And there it is sitting on the shelf, perhaps the most corrosive acid known to man. You just get that urge to take a swig, you know what I'm talking about?

Mac

Absolutely. Like when ever I pick up a scalpel, I wonder if I could perform a live autopsy on myself.

Sid

You do that too, 'cuz I thought I was... (turns to realize Mac is joking) Don't play with me like that.

Lindsay

Any stomach contents?

Sid

Like you wouldn't believe. At least two hotdogs, popcorn, nachos, peanuts, an ice-cream sandwich and almost a full liter of beer.

Danny

I'm surprised he could get out of his seat!

Sid

What's even more surprising is the traces of phentermine I also found in his bloodstream.

Lindsay

Wait, time-out, Scott was taking an appetite suppressant?

Sid

Clearly a failure in this case, but someone still found him lovable! (hands Danny impression/trace cards)

Danny

Lip prints.

Sid

Twelve to be exact. I lifted them from both cheeks, the neck and the forehead. In various shades, from Candy Kitten to Sangria Sunset.

Lindsay

Twelve girls on the cheerleading squad.

Hawkes

How you doing?

Sid

Let's just say I know how a microwaved burrito feels. But I should also say thank you. I owe a great deal of my recovery to you.

Hawkes

Ah, come on, that was nothing. You would have done the same for me.

Sid

As a matter of fact, I would.

Sheldon

(on discovering a picture locket) Found a piece of jewellery in pretty good shape.

Sid

Based on age, I'd say they're probably the victim's parents.

Sheldon

The job never gets easier does it?

Sid

I can tell you I've been working here twenty-nine years. That's 4846 cases and names I will never forget. What gets me through are people like them. Folks who are going to be looking to me for answers.

Dr. Sheldon Hawkes

[to Sid as he heats up an organ] You workin' up an apetite?

Dr. Sid Hammerback

Hmm? No. You know there's a strict no eat policy in the lab.

Dr. Sheldon Hawkes

Never stopped me from sneakin' in the occasional bag of popcorn.

Sid

Danny?

Danny

Hey, Sid.

Sid

I got a message from Stella to hold off on the accident report on Laurel Downs, the vic from the bridal store. So I did a little more investigating on the body.

Danny

Find something?

Sid

Well, the cuts on her hand, they were fresh. So, I thought perhaps she fell when she was running, but I didn't find any trace of gravel, grass, or dirt. Also ruled out bite marks and nails, anything that would indicate, uh, you know, a chick fight.

Danny

Right. What about the pictures I sent over from the dress?

Sid

Right. Tried to match the cuts from the ornamentation. Again, no match. So, being a little preoccupied th-the inexplicable, I did some lunchtime OT, and I got a DNA report back.

Danny

Eleanor Ravelle's blood was in the cuts of Laurel Downs' hand?

Sid

Any way Laurel could have killed Eleanor, dumped her in the bathtub, then jogged over to the wedding dress sale?

Danny

No, I mean, the crime scenes are on the opposite ends of town. The T.O.D's are much too close together. Okay… how is this possible?

Sid

Stranger things have been known to happen. Mark Twain was born on the day Halley's Comet first appeared. He died on its next appearance, 75 years later.

Danny

Wow. You've been hanging out with Lindsay, Sid?

Sid

Hmm? What?

Danny

Coincidence. First of all, we find out that Laurel Downs was raped eight years ago by the same guy who killed and raped Eleanor Ravelle and now. I don't know why, Sid, but, I mean, these vics have gotta be connected.

Danny

Kill a man, and then chop him up into pieces.

Sid

Maybe the killer thought little pieces will be easier to dispose of. There is a certain logic

Danny Messer

[during an autopsy of a decapitated man] Mr. Potato Head! The live version.

Detective Lindsay Monroe

More like the bloody, dead version!

Dr. Sid Hammerback

I used to play with Mr. Potato Head as a boy. I would time myself, see how long it took to assemble him. Some would say I was... obsessed!

Danny Messer

You? Obsessed? Nooo!

Stella

Why bury someone in the rooftop garden if he died of natural causes? It doesn't make any sense.

Sid

It does if natural causes weren't caused naturally.

Sid

So, how do you feel? It's your last case, right? Then off to Montana.

Lindsay

Feels pretty good.

Sid

I bet it does. No bodies at 3 am. No double shifts with no sleep. A slice of pizza on the run.

Lindsay

Constipation, swelling in the feet. Help getting up from the chair. Constant urination. Wanna switch?

Sid

I already have all that. I just want the time off.

Sid

(standing over a decomposed body) The last 15 overdose cases Pino worked. I had them exhumed.

Mac

(taking a good look at the corpse) You're the doctor, but isn't this one a few organs short?

Sid

Two kidneys, one bladder, and a liver to be exact.

Mac

All the organs where narcotics naturally accumulate.

Sid

And each of these bodies is missing the same ones.

Mac

It appears as if Marty Pino was able to produce heroin by cutting out and processing key organs from his assigned overdose cases. He used his training and this place as his own personal heroin pipeline. Only after he lost his job and access to dead junkies, he resorted to murder. (camera pans back to reveal the room is filled with bodies)

Sid

Our victim was dying for several days before he finally expired from acute bacterial infection on that train.

Hawkes

Hang on, you're telling me that a bullet managed to hit the one man on a speeding train who was already dead?

Sid

I know. Worse odds than Atlantic City.

Mac

Is he still here?

Sid

Who?

Mac

The husband, the man who I.D.'d her body.

Sid

He left. He was so upset. I hope he went home...

Mac

Where exactly was he standing?

Sid

That table right over there. Here (flips the lights on as Mac picks up the compass) Oh, no. The killer was here.

Mac

And I don't know where the hell he's going next.

Sid

(about their vic) There are 206 bones in the human body. Richard Caldrone broke 204 of them.

Stella

Well, jumping off a bridge has a tendency to do that.