Lindsay Monroe quotes from CSI: NY

Lindsay

I dreamt that I woke up and you were gone. You left a note.

Danny

Where would I go? This is my place.

Lindsay

(giggling) I was hoping for a better answer.

Danny

Just kidding. I'm glad this happened. (kisses her forehead)

Lindsay

Me, too. (kisses his chest)

Danny

There's no way you're gonna make this shot, Montana.

Lindsay

A Benjamin says I do. [makes the shot] You owe me $100.00

Danny

You know what? You're gonna have to wait 'til payday.

Lindsay

[voiceover as montage of them kissing begins] No. You either pay me now, or come up with something better. [montage contiues as they have sex]

Adam Ross

(answering phone) Adam Ross.

Lindsay Monroe

Hi. I'm calling from the office of unemployment.

Adam Ross

Oh, Lindsay, hey.

Lindsay Monroe

Word is that Denny's is looking to hire some socially-awkward scientists.

Adam Ross

I'm...I'm halfway there already, okay?

Lindsay Monroe

It's a big case, Adam, it's the Statue of Liberty, it's all over the news. We've got lot to do. This is top priority and Mac is back in town. Get your sorry little ass to work.

Sheldon Hawkes

What about the trace I collected from her arm?

Lindsay Monroe

Latex. More specifically, condom spray.

Danny Messer

(Amused) 'Scuse me? What? I didn't catch that.

Lindsay Monroe

Liquid rubber (Holds the spray can, smiling) German engineering at its finest.

Sheldon Hawkes

I'm not sure I understand.

Lindsay Monroe

Well, allow me to demonstrate (Grabs a big test-tube) Contrary to what you might have heard, science definitely does matter (Starts spraying the content of the can on the test-tube) Simply, apply like so. Allow a few moments for maximum drying time and... Boom! Instant condom. (Hands test tube to Danny)

Sheldon Hawkes

Are you serious? A spray-on condom?

Danny Messer

What... Where does the... The... (Points at the top of the test-tube) Now how... Never mind.

Danny Messer

Montana, hold up.

Lindsay Monroe

What's up?

Danny Messer

(on phone) Yeah, I got her. (to Lindsay) Evidence is coming in on the James Stanton murder, and we have a date with it.

Lindsay Monroe

We got the car?

Danny Messer

You make the coffee. I'll go get the Batmobile

Danny Messer

Speed Racer's Mach 5 does not come close to the Batmobile. End of story.

Lindsay Monroe

Are you kidding me? The Mach-5 had submersible capabilitites and a robotic homing pigeon.

Danny Messer

Yeah, so did the Batmobile. Along with rocket boosters and armor plating.

Lindsay Monroe

Mach-5: Rotary saw.

Danny Messer

All right, Montana. Did Speed Racer's Mach-5 have a field forensics kit?

Lindsay Monroe

The Batmobile did not have a field forensics kit.

Danny Messer

In the Batmobile's trunk, it did.

Lindsay Monroe

That explains so much.

Lindsay

(walking into Stella's office and sees a gift on her desk) Only 61 days until Christmas, although it looks like you've already gotten some gifts.

Stella

Uh, yeah. It's getting embarrassing. This guy I met a couple of weeks ago. He's extremely persistent. Last week it was a parachute. This week it's rock climbing gear.

Lindsay

(smiling) Sounds like Mr. Adventure wants to get physical.

All I'm saying is people come to town and get caught up in the folklore.

Lindsay Monroe

Do we look like we're here buying postcards?

(about the crime scene) This one's gonna be covered differently.

Danny

Why is that?

Thirty-one years ago the former owner, Bill Willens shot himself in this house. Two days later, his daughter disappeared. Bill's wife, Betty, claims her husband was hearing voices. He told people the house was possessed by evil spirits.

Lindsay

Just like The Amityville Horror.

All I know is the folks inside this house were good people. For Gil Duncan to shoot his family, commit suicide... there's gotta be an explanation other than ghosts made him do it.

Lindsay

Definitely, could have gone through the love handles. (smiles and pinches his stomach)

Danny

That's too low, wise-ass.

Danny

(holding an empty box) Where are the shoes that were in this box?

Amber Stanton

They're gone. I threw them away.

Lindsay

You threw away a pair of four-hundred dollars shoes?

Amber Stanton

Is that against the law? Why do you bother? Mitchell Bentley was a piece of garbage.

Lindsay

You just don't get it, do you? It doesn't matter who the victim is. It's the killer we're after.

Stella

You know, Lindsay, I don't think these lollipops are lollipops. (tests one) Heroin.

Lindsay

Well, that changes everything.

He holds Mac responsible for losing someone in his family.

Lindsay

So what? Now he wants Mac to lose someone in his family?

Stella

Yeah. One of us.

Laughing Larry? You gotta be kidding me. Do you have any idea how much of my childhood was cruelly destroyed by this moron?

Lindsay

Trust me. I feel your pain.

Stella

You two wanna enlighten me here?

I was into comic books as a kid, right?

Yep.

And this guy had a full-page ad in the back of each and every one of ‘em selling things like Dribble Glasses, Onion Gum, Hypno-Coins, Whoopee cushions.

Lindsay

Plastic vomit, rubber dog-doo.

Hmm. Sounds great.

Oh, yeah. And it all looked great. And I'd do whatever it took. I would scrimp, I would save, I would mow every last lawn in the neighborhood to get my hands on Sneezing Salts or a hundred-piece Battle Fleet. And then, I go to the mailbox, and right there, before my innocent young eyes, would be disappointment in a cardboard box.

Lindsay

I once spent my entire summer allowance on this hovercraft that Laughing Larry said would take me and my friends riding on a carpet of thin air. Hovercrap!

How about the x-ray specs I bought in middle school to see through a girl's clothes? The only thing I ever saw through those was a nun coming at me with a yardstick.

Detective Lindsay Monroe

[finding out about Ruben, referring to Danny] I'm not very good at this kind of thing. What should I say to him?

Detective Mac Taylor

Just tell him that you're not very good at this kind of thing.