What do you think?
Oh, he's lying. That's why I took this job. I can always tell when Whitey's talking out his ass. It's a gift.
“Pilot” · Season 1, Episode 1
In this episode: Gil Grissom (6), Catherine Willows (2), Warrick Brown (2), Nick Stokes (1), Greg Sanders (1), Jim Brass (1), Sgt. O'Riley (1)
I think every new hire should experience an autopsy on their first night.
Morning. Gil Grissom, forensics. I'm taking over the case for Warrick Brown. Mind if I come in?
HHusband
[sighs] How can I help you?
I need to give you a pedicure.
HHusband
Come again?
If latex rubber and cooking spray went on a blind date, how would the night end?
CCharlotte
A lot better than ours did.
I know, Pink Floyd's not your thing.
CCharlotte
I have on cowboy boots. I work in a lab. What makes you think "Dark Side of the Moon" synched to the Wizard of Oz is going to warm my damn barn?
I just thought it'd be something different.
CCharlotte
You want to be different? Pin me up against a wall; lay one on me like you mean it.
[Charlotte gets up and walks past Grissom.]
CCharlotte
You're slacking, pal.
[She sits down in front of the computer database. The computer beeps and starts running through print comparisons.]
How long till we get a hit?
CCharlotte
It could be four minutes, could be four days but you can bet your ass she'll give you something. She always does.
"Pin you against a wall?"
[Grissom casts Charlotte a sideways glance.]
RHRoyce Harmon
[Recorded] My name is Royce Harmon. I reside at 7642 Carpenter Street, Las Vegas, Nevada. I am 41 years of age ... and I'm going to kill myself.
[explaining the job to Holly, the new girl] We restore peace of mind. And when you're a victim, that's everything. Stick it out. At least until you solve your first. And after that, if you don't feel like King Kong on cocaine, then you can quit. But if you stay, with my right hand to God, you will never regret it.
[Describing Brass and Grissom] Here comes the "nerd squad".
I've got to warn you, oral swabs don't always read right. Vaginal swabs? No problem. Anal swabs? Money.
Anal swabs?
Anal swabs.
[yelling at Warrick] We solve these cases regardless of race, color, creed, or bubblegum flavor!
I need you to roll up your sleeve and give me a pint of your blood
HHolly
What for?
It's customary for all new hires.
HHolly
Why?
So many reasons...
[some time later] [Grissom is undertaking a blood spatter reconstruction using real blood]
Where'd you get the blood?
The new girl. Want to donate?
Hell no.
[Holly Gribbs is observing her first autopsy]
You gotta breathe through your ears, Gribbs.
[To a room full of 'corpses', after Holly Gribbs was frightened into hysterics]
You assholes!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's CSI: Crime Scene Investigation pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.