Chicken quotes from Cow and Chicken

I'm a big fat loser!

Chicken

I could have told you the big and fat part.

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Oh Chicken! You don't get cooties from being kissed; listen to Father!

Chicken

You don't?

No son. you get them from... toilet seats.

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[Humming as she runs the vacuum]

Chicken, why don't you take a hint from your sister and take out the garbage?

Chicken

[Begins raging] Stop rattin' on me! Why do I always have to do everything around here?! [Breaks the T.V.] GET OFF MY CASE! [Banging his fists the walls in tune with his line]

Honey, talk to your son; I had just about all I can take. [Runs away, crying]

Listen here, Chief: when you're all grown up and living like some hopped up and crazy bachelor, you can sleep on a pile of garbage for all I care! But as long as you're living under my roof, you've got to live by my rules!

Chicken

But-

That's it! I'll have no back-talk, Mister! You're grounded! [Chicken goes into his room and slams the door] [Cow opens the door and gasps]

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Where are you going?

Chicken

I am runnin' away to be a bachelor with cousin Boneless Chicken. No one tells him what to do; he just lays around his cool bachelor pad and does whatever he wants. Hasta la adiós, Cow. [Chicken hops out of the window]

Adiós, big brother. [She moos and then tears up, turning to her own bedroom] Oh, Chicken's a grown-up bachelor, and... I'm all alone! [Sits on the floor and cries] Ooh, I want to play grown-up bachelor, too! [Continues crying]

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Chicken

Couldn't have done this without you, Dr. Hiney.

Oh, please call me Dr. Hiney.

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Be free, world! Yonder forth! And populate! [sighs]

[As they run out of a trailer, numerous people trample Red under their feet]

Ouch, oh, oh, ow, oh, oh, oh! Oh. Ow! Oh, have a nice day! This is the happiest day of my life.

[Mom, Dad and Chicken standing on Red, Cow catches up to them]

Oh, Mom, Dad, Big Brother! You're okay! Oh, I was so worried about you! Oh, you are a very bad ma... lady... whatever you are... for locking up everyone in the world in a trailer.

Sorry.

You know, kids? Being locked up in a trailer with the whole world has taught us a valuable lesson.

Chicken

Yeah? What is it?

Beats me!

But I'm sure it's valuable!

[Mom, Dad and Cow are laughing except Chicken]

Chicken

I think I liked it better in the trailer.

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[Mom has ordered Chicken to stay in the tub until he takes a bath, and Mom, Dad, and Cow need to use the toilet]

Chicken? Hurry up and take that bath, I gotta get in there!

Chicken

No dice.

Chicken? Are you done yet? I need to visit the reading room... to read?

Me too, Chicken, can I, um, use the bathroom too?

Come on son, I gotta core the apple!

I have to launch the raft!

Come on Chicken, I have to brick up the chimney!

I need to stir the bean, big brother! Will you be much longer?

Chicken

I ain't takin' no bath!

Come on! I gotta, uh, uh, feed the ducks.

Why don't you just get it over with, Chicken? I need to wax the board!

Chicken

The bathroom is closed for the duration.

Chicken! For crying out loud, I gotta jump the gun!

I can't hold it any longer! ...Could you please hurry honey?

I gotta peel the onions!

Chicken

How rude! Not while I am in the tub, bub!

Hurry up! Chicken! I gotta wash the window!

I gotta make peace with the Germans!

Gotta run for Congress here!

ATAll three

Come on Chicken, take a bath already!

Chicken! It's time to flip the pickles!

Come on, Chicken!

I gotta resole the family christen!

I simply must pull the rip cord!

I must wash the windows!

I, I, I gotta spoon the balls!

Let the little puppies run! Please?

Gotta shake hands with the President!

Gotta press the issue!

Chicken, I need to let the cat out!

It's time to drive the governor home...

I... need... to... stuff... the... olives!

Have to shuck the corn!

Oooh! It is time to burp the baby!

May I please stabber out the facts?

I... I... got... to... strike... my... pansy!

Lay some carpet, por favor!

Gotta talk to the boss! THAT IS IT, CHICKEN!!!

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[uses Chicken as a face towel] Hey, you're not bad as a towel! [looks at himself in the mirror; gasps] Oh! I didn't brush my teeth this year! Guess what you get to be! [squirts toothpaste on Chicken and starts brushing his teeth with him; spits in the sink] Ooh. I NEED A NICE CLOSE SHAVE! [sharpens Chicken's beak on a belt; starts shaving his chin and his tongue with Chicken] [shaves his armpit] AHH! CAN'T YOU AT LEAST HUM A LITTLE?! WORK WITH ME HERE!

Chicken

[blows raspberry at him]

THAT'S IT! NOW MY SHAVER'S SPITTING AT ME! I've been ripped off! YOU GUYS ARE USELESS! I'm taking you back to the store.

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Oh crud! I must've thrown out all my ice cream at those funny-looking kids. [gives Chicken ice cubes in an ice cream cone] Here you go, duck.

Chicken

Hey! This is just a cone with ice cubes in it!

And your point is? NEXT!

Do you have any gravy freezies?

NO!

Frozen pork buttocks?

NO!

A beaver-tail cone surprise?

How about a beaver in a cone? [pulls out a beaver in a cone] SURPRISE! [leaps out of his ice cream truck] AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I DON'T HAVE ANY ICE CREAM, NONE WHATSOEVER! I don't even like ice cream. OR KIDS! It says "I Scream" on my truck, not ice cream! Get it? Cause... I SCREAM! Look at me. [spins in circles] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Ooh. [chuckles] Screaming is my hobby!

PPolice Officer

[hits Red Guy with sausage] It's the padded cell for you, scream man!