Dad quotes from Cow and Chicken

Dad

We're going to Oregon to find some head hunters.

Dad

Okay, men. I've got a plan.

Dad

Chicken, the warden of Folsom Prison just called.

Chicken

I know what he said; I did time at the big house 'cause I pantsed the guard!

Mom

Where would we be without you, Boneless Chicken?

Where? Well, you'd be up a creek without a paddle or burning your bridges before they're hatched. Who can say, really?

Dad

Oh, Boneless, you always kill us!

Ah, go on.

Dad

Will you be needing anything while we're away?

Sure, how 'bout a spine for my limp and lifeless body? [Mom, Dad, and Chicken laugh once more as they soon head for Chicken's parent-teacher conference.]

Cow

Oh, Mom and Dad! I missed you both so much these long months of being marooned.

Dad

Sweetheart, we've only been gone half an hour for Chicken's parent-teacher conference.

Mom

Oh Chicken! You don't get cooties from being kissed; listen to Father!

Chicken

You don't?

Dad

No son. you get them from... toilet seats.

Cow

[Humming as she runs the vacuum]

Mom

Chicken, why don't you take a hint from your sister and take out the garbage?

Chicken

[Begins raging] Stop rattin' on me! Why do I always have to do everything around here?! [Breaks the T.V.] GET OFF MY CASE! [Banging his fists the walls in tune with his line]

Mom

Honey, talk to your son; I had just about all I can take. [Runs away, crying]

Dad

Listen here, Chief: when you're all grown up and living like some hopped up and crazy bachelor, you can sleep on a pile of garbage for all I care! But as long as you're living under my roof, you've got to live by my rules!

Chicken

But-

Dad

That's it! I'll have no back-talk, Mister! You're grounded! [Chicken goes into his room and slams the door] [Cow opens the door and gasps]

Red Guy

Be free, world! Yonder forth! And populate! [sighs]

Red Guy

Ouch, oh, oh, ow, oh, oh, oh! Oh. Ow! Oh, have a nice day! This is the happiest day of my life.

Cow

Oh, Mom, Dad, Big Brother! You're okay! Oh, I was so worried about you! Oh, you are a very bad ma... lady... whatever you are... for locking up everyone in the world in a trailer.

Red Guy

Sorry.

Dad

You know, kids? Being locked up in a trailer with the whole world has taught us a valuable lesson.

Chicken

Yeah? What is it?

Dad

Beats me!

Mom

But I'm sure it's valuable!

Chicken

I think I liked it better in the trailer.

Dad

Chicken? Hurry up and take that bath, I gotta get in there!

Chicken

No dice.

Cow

Chicken? Are you done yet? I need to visit the reading room... to read?

Mom

Me too, Chicken, can I, um, use the bathroom too?

Dad

Come on son, I gotta core the apple!

Mom

I have to launch the raft!

Dad

Come on Chicken, I have to brick up the chimney!

Cow

I need to stir the bean, big brother! Will you be much longer?

Chicken

I ain't takin' no bath!

Dad

Come on! I gotta, uh, uh, feed the ducks.

Cow

Why don't you just get it over with, Chicken? I need to wax the board!

Chicken

The bathroom is closed for the duration.

Dad

Chicken! For crying out loud, I gotta jump the gun!

Mom

I can't hold it any longer! ...Could you please hurry honey?

Cow

I gotta peel the onions!

Chicken

How rude! Not while I am in the tub, bub!

Mom

Hurry up! Chicken! I gotta wash the window!

Dad

I gotta make peace with the Germans!

Mom

Gotta run for Congress here!

Come on Chicken, take a bath already!

Cow

Chicken! It's time to flip the pickles!

Dad

Come on, Chicken!

Mom

I gotta resole the family christen!

Cow

I simply must pull the rip cord!

Dad

I must wash the windows!

Mom

I, I, I gotta spoon the balls!

Cow

Let the little puppies run! Please?

Dad

Gotta shake hands with the President!

Mom

Gotta press the issue!

Cow

Chicken, I need to let the cat out!

Dad

It's time to drive the governor home...

Mom

I... need... to... stuff... the... olives!

Cow

Have to shuck the corn!

Mom

Oooh! It is time to burp the baby!

Cow

May I please stabber out the facts?

Mom

I... I... got... to... strike... my... pansy!

Cow

Lay some carpet, por favor!

Dad

Gotta talk to the boss! THAT IS IT, CHICKEN!!!

Cow

We're busted.

Dad

Oh, you kids know that you can't open this piggie until Arbor Day. [Arbor Day Pig has sticker labelled "Do Not Open 'Til Arbor Day" on his butt]

Ha!

Dad

And that's three days away. [Pig blows raspberry, but then gasps]

Mom

How about some frozen Arbor Day piggie pops?

PIGGIE POPS?! OKAY! THAT IS IT! TIME OUT! I've put enough with psychological torture for one pig! YOU GUYS ARE CANNIBALS! DO YOU HEAR ME?! YOU'RE ALL OFF YOUR NUT! [runs away screaming]

Mom

What is up with that?

Dad

You know, Mama, we lose more Arbor Day piggies that way.