Red Guy quotes from Cow and Chicken

Red Guy

GOOD MORNING! Coffee, grandma? I think you'd make a great coffee cup. [opens up Chicken's beak, pours coffee in him, and starts spilling the coffee on himself] It leaks.

Red Guy

DING DING DING DING DING DING DING! STUPID SONG IS DRIVING ME... nuts!

Red Guy

[with Cow and Chicken chasing him] THIS IS MADNESS!!! [screams] LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

Red Guy

No actual Arbor Day piggies were hurt during the making of this film. But I was. My feelings were hurt! More than once! There was the first time in scene 40 and that once in scene 57 and... did you know that I do my own STUNTS? No stunt double for the Red Guy, oh no, no, no, no. [looks around] Feiss will not spring for that, no! I'm not good enough for a STUNT DOUBLE! [starts sobbing] OH, LIFE'S NOT FAIR! All right, you can end now. [laughs] END!

Red Guy

Would you like to have your laughter back, too? [Laughs proudly crazy] END!!!

Red Guy

Yeah! hold it, It was brilliant! Bravo! Get up, my little crab friends. Ow! Oh, oh. Ow! Oh, oh. Ha, ha, ha, ha! Easy with the pinchers. Ow! Ow! Oh. I did not have to bring you guys tonight! Looks like Red Guy always gets in the END! Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Red Guy

[as the Warden] LADIES!!! ...and gentlemen. A terrible injustice has been done here. Red doesn't belong here - he's innocent! He wants to go home with Mom and Dad, AND EAT PORK BUTTS AND TATERS! Now, let's all join hands AND SAY WE'RE SORRY!!!

Sorry Red!

Red Guy

Now, someone has to pay for Red's injustice... TEN YEARS IN SOLITARY CONFINEMENT FOR EVERYBODY!!! Without a toilet... [He pulls a rope, opening the floor of the yard and dropping Chicken and the inmates down a pit]

Itttttt's... easy-pickin', finger-lickin', chicken on a stick!

Red Guy

With the Rear Admiral, you rarely get sick! Oh-ho!

Nobody flips a boid...

Red Guy

Like Rear Admiral Floyd!

It's finger-lickin'!

Nobody flips a boid...

Red Guy

Like Rear Admiral Floyd!!!

CHICKEN!!!

Chicken

Hey, Mr. Hiney! When do I get paid for this gig?

Red Guy

[as Rear Admiral Floyd] Oh, you won't need any money where you're going, little fella...

Red Guy

What else do I know about Supercow? WHAT ELSE?! Okay, THINK!!! [smacks his head against the wall] A: She speaks Spanish... TWO! She's a superhero...

Cow

[In Red guy's thoughts] I'm just a widdle cow...

Red Guy

Oh! THAT'S IT!!! She's a cow!

Red Guy

[After getting his butt kicked by Supercow, he removes the last of the braces off the police officer] There, that's the last one.

Red Guy

[Is revealed to wear the permanent braces with a satellite attached to them] Okay, I did what you said, I removed the braces off everybody. Now can you take off mine?! That was the deal.

Chicken

Oh, I wish we could, but we have already rented you out as a Satellite Tracking Dish.

Red Guy

Is there a real orthodontist in the house?

Chicken

Couldn't have done this without you, Dr. Hiney.

Red Guy

Oh, please call me Dr. Hiney.

Red Guy

Be free, world! Yonder forth! And populate! [sighs]

Red Guy

Ouch, oh, oh, ow, oh, oh, oh! Oh. Ow! Oh, have a nice day! This is the happiest day of my life.

Cow

Oh, Mom, Dad, Big Brother! You're okay! Oh, I was so worried about you! Oh, you are a very bad ma... lady... whatever you are... for locking up everyone in the world in a trailer.

Red Guy

Sorry.

Dad

You know, kids? Being locked up in a trailer with the whole world has taught us a valuable lesson.

Chicken

Yeah? What is it?

Dad

Beats me!

Mom

But I'm sure it's valuable!

Chicken

I think I liked it better in the trailer.

Red Guy

[uses Chicken as a face towel] Hey, you're not bad as a towel! [looks at himself in the mirror; gasps] Oh! I didn't brush my teeth this year! Guess what you get to be! [squirts toothpaste on Chicken and starts brushing his teeth with him; spits in the sink] Ooh. I NEED A NICE CLOSE SHAVE! [sharpens Chicken's beak on a belt; starts shaving his chin and his tongue with Chicken] [shaves his armpit] AHH! CAN'T YOU AT LEAST HUM A LITTLE?! WORK WITH ME HERE!

Chicken

[blows raspberry at him]

Red Guy

THAT'S IT! NOW MY SHAVER'S SPITTING AT ME! I've been ripped off! YOU GUYS ARE USELESS! I'm taking you back to the store.

Red Guy

Oh crud! I must've thrown out all my ice cream at those funny-looking kids. [gives Chicken ice cubes in an ice cream cone] Here you go, duck.

Chicken

Hey! This is just a cone with ice cubes in it!

Red Guy

And your point is? NEXT!

Cow

Do you have any gravy freezies?

Red Guy

NO!

Cow

Frozen pork buttocks?

Red Guy

NO!

Cow

A beaver-tail cone surprise?

Red Guy

How about a beaver in a cone? [pulls out a beaver in a cone] SURPRISE! [leaps out of his ice cream truck] AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I DON'T HAVE ANY ICE CREAM, NONE WHATSOEVER! I don't even like ice cream. OR KIDS! It says "I Scream" on my truck, not ice cream! Get it? Cause... I SCREAM! Look at me. [spins in circles] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Ooh. [chuckles] Screaming is my hobby!

[hits Red Guy with sausage] It's the padded cell for you, scream man!