Count Duckula quotes from Count Duckula

Just because I'm tall and handsome and brave and good and kind and wonderful... I-I-I- have happen to chop up one or two of the villagers into tiny little bits now and again... they dislike me! Ha ha, ha ha... Well, except for the really fat ones. I'm saving them for tonight.

Duckula

Tonight?

Tonight is a fiesta for all the vampires from all over Spain! There'll be music, and a finger buffet with the real fingers. (evilly) Then - then - we chop up a whole village, then there is bingo to follow!

Duckula

Stop this! Stop this! Stop it, Don Diego! No! I cannot let you do this!

Oh, you don't like bingo? Ok, we play something else. You choose.

Duckula

Well, I wouldn't mind playing... - no listen! I mean, you cannot chop up a whole village! It's not right! I will do anything to stop you.

Anything?

Duckula

Anything.

Ahahaha!!! Then tonight, you will fight the horrible bull in all of Spain - El Loco!

Duckula

OK, listen - if I fight El Loco, will you let the villagers go?

I will...I will let bits of them go.

Duckula

Let ALL of them go, or no fight!

I can't even keep the noses?

Duckula

No, no noses!

OK. But remember - El Loco is the most nastiest thing on four legs. He'll ripped up your body, and there'll be bits of you you didn't even know you had. Aha!! Ahahaha!

Duckula

Ha! I'm not afraid of you, Don Diego! OR El Loco! 'Til tonight then! (Don Diego flits off)

Duckula

AAAAGH! AAGH! Nanny, Nanny, I'm gonna die!!

Duckula

Hmmm this mirror's filthy. I must tell Igor the clean it! Look at me! Sunken eyes... and that flabby stomach - yuk! And, as for the face... Boy, I need a break!

Forgive me for pointing that obvious. But you do know that vampires have no reflections.

Duckula

Of course we don't! Anyone knows that...

Mmmmm! What a beautiful throat you have! It blands so neatly into your neck! I want a neck just the right size for my teeth!

Duckula

Aaaaaaaaaghh! Help!

Und I woke up wiz ziss terrible headache and...

Duckula

Heeeeelp!

Somebody, stop that neck! It's getting away!

Dr. Von Goosewing

Come my little one. Come to Papa!

[in the vegetable era] Oh it's about 4008. If my memory serves me right, an artichoke has just been made President of the United States of America, and two turnips have just landed on Venus.

Count Duckula

Coo, just think, a turnip on Venus. Well that's a small step for a vegetable, but a giant leap for an Irish stew.

Von Goosewing

How do you like your stake?

Duckula

Steak? Steak? I thought I told you I was a vegetarian! I don't believe it. I might have known. Goosewing!

Count Duckula

I suppose we're lucky to have found this ship so quickly.

Igor

Mm, quite so, sir, but I-, I must say I don't like the look of the crew.

Count Duckula

I don't like the smell of them either; I bet they've never heard of soap.

'Course I've heard of soap, I eats a bar a week whether I needs it or not, ha-harr!

Count Duckula

Here, Igor, I don't know how you could just lose a castle.

Igor

Me, sir? I hardly think I'm to blame. You were the one -

Count Duckula

All right, all right, I must have said it wrong. But you must have left off the safety hatch.

Igor

Me, sir? Oh no, sir, I was doing something dastardly with sulphur in the cellar. It was probably Nanny at the -

Count Duckula

Oh, yes, it's very easy to blame poor Nanny.

Igor

Actually, sir it is very easy to blame Nanny.

Count Duckula

Well, let's do that, then.

Nanny!

Nanny

[breaks out from under the deck] Ooh, I'll be glad to get back to our nice kitchen at home. How can you make a cup of tea in a silly little kitchen like that?

Count Duckula

Well, Nanny, if you hadn't lost the castle -

Nanny

Me, lost the castle?

Igor

You see, she admits it.

Igor

How a vampire duck of your breeding can believe in that Loch Ness Monster story.

Count Duckula

I'm not gonna look, I'm not gonna look.

Where are ye frae?

Count Duckula

I knew you’d made a wrong turning Igor! We’re in Siberia!

Igor

You were anxious to visit it I believe.

Count Duckula

Yes but not DROWN in it! Igor do something!

Igor

Shall I order a new front door milord?

Count Duckula

Excellent idea Igor. (CRUNCH) Excellent idea.

Nanny

Ooh, can we keep him? It'll be a nice bit of company for Towser.

Duckula

Towser??

Nanny

Our werewolf!

Duckula

Igor... do we HAVE a werewolf?

Igor

Oh, no, sir.

Duckula

Then why would we want to waste time chasing after werewolves to keep a werewolf that we don't HAVE company?!

Von Goosewing

What is this? What is going on around here? You two know each other? You know Igor?

Igor

He should do. I have been his family's employer for the last 800 years. Give or take a decade or two.

Von Goosewing

I mean, he? You? He is? You are Duckula?

Duckula

Oh, what's the use? Yes, I am Count Duckula!

Von Goosewing

You fiend! You monster! You, you, you, owwwwwww!!!!!! (stabs Nanny with his stake)

Nanny

Oh, there you are, you bad boy! (referring to Goosewing) Who's your little friend then, eh?

Von Goosewing

Look, look what have you done to mein stake. You haven't heard the last of this, you monster!

Duckula

No, I'm sure I haven't.

Von Goosewing

I shall return.

Duckula

Yes, yes.

Von Goosewing

Doctor Von Goosewing, greatest vampire hunter in the world, will be back!!!! (Goosewing then falls off the cliff)