Jeff, Britta and others in “Intro to Felt Surrogacy”

I said it didn't bother me,

But truthfully it did

I promised him I'd make it

To a baseball game he had

But I bailed and never called again,

And now I'm just exactly like my dad

That's always been my choice

Truth is, I never voted,

Except when I watch The Voice

I'm normally the best

I let Cornwallis rub my feet

To give me all the answers to a test

Fifty-five acres went up in a blaze,

All because I burned an ant hill

All together: This secret inside me,

Was trapped beyond a doubt

And now, my most terrible secret is out

We dry humped inside of her tour bus

Was trapped beyond a doubt