Kate Beckett quotes from Castle

Beckett

Well, this must be the place. [clears throat] What is it with men and boobs, anyway?

Castle

Biological. We can't help it.

Beckett

But doesn't it bother you that they're so obviously not real?

Castle

Santa's not real. We still love opening his presents.

Beckett

I'm not running a background check on your daughter's date.

Castle

Oh, come on! She says he's quiet, he keeps to himself, and he lives with his parents. Tell me that doesn't sound like a serial killer to you!

Castle

[Regarding Alexis' date] Boy, I can't believe my little girl is going to prom... my only comfort now is the long-standing tradition of torturing the boyfriend.

Beckett

What do you mean?

Castle

You know, the time-honored hazing that goes on in those few moments we share, where he and I are alone, just before my daughter descends the stairs.

Ryan

I remember the terror of meeting my date's old man.

Castle

What did he do?

Ryan

Checked my wallet for condoms, showed me his gun collection, my hands were shaking so bad I could barely put on the corsage.

Castle

[to Beckett] What did your dad do?

Beckett

[pause] I... I don't know. I was in my room.

Castle

How was your date when you finally came out?

Beckett

You know what, now that you mention it, he looked terrified. [Castle and Ryan nod] And this whole time I though he was scared of me.

Castle

Nope! And now it's my turn...

Ryan

What are you planning?

Castle

Something befitting the name of 'Castle'...

Esposito

[About the bachelor-party cop twins' uniforms at the photo shoot] Hey, Beckett, how come you don't wear a uniform like that?

Beckett

Because I don't want to be paid in singles.

Esposito

You know what I don't get? Who would steal a dead body?

Castle

Oh, plenty of people. Organ harvesters, cadaver-less med students, Satanists. [pause] Mad scientists looking to create their own monster.

Beckett

Or the guys who killed him might have left some evidence behind.

Castle

Boring. How about a spy having swallowed a microchip that the enemy spies murder him over before the CIA can get ahold of him?

Beckett

[to Lanie who is examining a body in a tree] How's it going up there?.

Lanie

I got tree branches poking my boobs and a spotlight shining up my booty.

Esposito

Could be worse. You could be wearing a skirt.

Lanie

[pause] When I come down, Im'ma smack you.

Esposito

I'm looking forward to that.

Beckett

*in a Russian accent* Sometimes when I am bored, I go to Glechik Cafe in Little Odessa and pretend to be Muscovite.

Esposito

Now that's kinda hot!

Beckett

[written on a therapist's body] "Psycho the rapist your out of time"?

Lanie Parish

Looks like a patient lost their patience.

Castle

Also his command of grammar. "Your" should be You-apostrophe-R-E as in "you are." That's not even a tough one, not like when to use "who" or "whom."

Beckett

You really think that's the take-away here, Castle?

Castle

I'm just saying - whoever killed her also murdered the English language.

Castle

Listen, I'm sorry. I know it was wrong, I just-

Beckett, you are never gonna believe this.

Beckett

Oh, the bar on "unbelievable" is pretty high right now.

The vic's husband took out a three-million dollar life insurance policy on his wife last month.

Beckett

[to Castle] $100 on us.

Castle

I've got a bad feeling about this.

Beckett

Are we really rooting against solving a murder?

Castle

Well, I don't want to shave my head! Do you?

Beckett

Why would I shave my head?

Castle

You're in on the bet, aren't you?

Beckett

Yeah, but I didn't realize-

Castle

[imitates electric razor]

Beckett

We'll start over. Fresh eyes. You take our murder, we'll take yours.

Esposito

All right.

Castle

[a thought strikes him] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Say that again.

Beckett

You take our murder, we'll take yours.

Castle

Could it be that easy? You take mine, I'll take yours.

Esposito

What are you getting at, Castle?

Castle

Strangers on a Train.

Ryan

The Hitchcock movie?

Castle

I'm partial to the novel by Patricia Highsmith, but yes. We have two strong suspects, but with airtight alibis, right?

Esposito

Right.

Castle

We know they're connected. What if the connection is the killers?

Beckett

Jason and Eric committed each other's murders.

Castle

And made sure they had an airtight alibi for the murder they knew they'd be suspected of. It's not our victims that are connected, it's our murderers. Crisscross!

Esposito

Lanie ran the substance on our vics against the Hudson River water. It's a match.

Ryan

Marx gets on the boat uptown, Cosway joins him at Chelsea Piers, and they ride to Pier 11 together.

Castle

So one day, maybe they start talking. Maybe about the Yankee bullpen, maybe about the attractive secretary leaning up against the railing. Oh, and Jason starts grumbling about his wife. Eric maybe mentions how he covets Frank's apartment.

Esposito

Yeah, well, there's an open upper deck. I figure that's where they were doing their plottin'.

Beckett

And how the water from the Hudson got on both of them.

Castle

It gets transferred from Eric Marx's jacket and gloves to Ashley Cosway when they struggle.

Esposito

Then to Frank Anderson when Jason Cosway swipes his watch and wallet.

Ryan

Done deal.

Beckett

Except it's all circumstantial. The DA will never buy it without hard evidence or a confession.

Esposito

Oh, we're gonna get a confession.

Castle

Not if we get one first.

Ryan

So, bet's back on?

Beckett

[getting in his face] You bet your britches the bet is back on.

Esposito

Castle, hey, is your, your girl here?

Ryan

Rina.

Beckett

Rina used to baby-sit Alexis, fellas. So, as far as Big Rick here is concerned, she might as well be wearing a chastity belt.

Castle

Thank you for that visual image. That's… And also, thank you for calling me "Big Rick".

Castle

Wait, is that why you've been so upset? Because I let her [Cosmo reporter] read it before you?

Beckett

I am the inspiration. I should be reading it before a reporter does.

Castle

Why didn't you just say so?

Beckett

Why didn't you just give it to me?

Castle

Why didn't you ask?

Beckett

Why didn't it occur to you?

Castle

You'll have it by tomorrow.

Beckett

Good.

Castle

Good.

Ryan

Looking good, Detective Beckett.

Beckett

How did you guys…

Ryan

We're detectives.

Esposito

Called your dad.

Beckett

[Rising up and walking over to them] Okay, okay, you guys have had your fun. I was 17 and I thought that modeling would be an easier way to make money than waitressing.

Esposito

Right.

Beckett

It was one summer, no big deal. [Turns and walks away, but snaps her fingers and turns back] And if you guys tell Castle about this, I will kill you.