Adjusting for inflation—good state college—adjusting for inflation, say $45,000 a year, two kids, four years of college...$360,000. Remaining mortgage on the home, $107,000. Home equity line, $30,000, that's $137,000. Cost of living, food, clothing, utilities—say, two grand a month? I mean, that should put a dent in it, anyway. 24K a year provides for, say, ten years. That's $240,000, plus 360 plus 137...seven thirty-seven. $737,000, that's what I need. That is what I need. You and I both clear about 70 grand a week. That's only ten and a half more weeks. Call it eleven. Eleven more drug deals and always in a public place from now on. It's doable. Definitely doable.
S2 E1Seven-Thirty-Seven
Oh, we are dead. Dead men! Muerto, or muerte, or however the hell you...Jesus...
This is conjecture.
This is conjecture?
Conjecture, yes. And conjecture isn't helping.
Oh, my conjecture isn't helping?
Could you just state the facts?
Alright, fine, facts in. Fact A: My phone rang like eight times last night. Dead air, hang-ups every time. Second fact? Like three in the morning, I saw that black Caddy of his cruising my neighborhood. No headlights.
No, if he wanted to kill us, he would have done it at the junkyard.
What is that? Conjecture? Are you basing that on that he's got a normal, healthy brain or something? Did you not see him beat a dude to death for, like, nothing? And that way–that way he just kept staring at us. Saying, "You're done." You're done?! You wanna know what that means? I will tell you what that means! That means exactly how it sounds, yo! Alright, we are witnesses, we are loose ends! Right now, Tuco's thinking, "Yeah, hey, they cook good meth, but can I trust them?" What happens when he decides, "no"?
[Jesse is explaining how he will kill Tuco]
Alright, say we set up one last sale–this is providing he doesn't decide to waste us before then. Now every time we bring in a new batch, he always tests the product, right? So... as his head is down, y'know giving it a snort, just: Pop, pop, pop!
Pop, pop, pop? So, three shots?
Yeah, three shots, or I dunno, two?
No, wait—So, is it two or is it three?
I mean, two would probably work, I guess, yeah.
Okay, two shots. Two shots in the chest, two shots in the face? What?
Man, c'mon—
No, I am just trying to understand how this works! [pause] Okay. Alright, we'll put a pin in that—but by now, the big guy, Gonzo, he's probably coming at you, right?
Yeah...
Right, so you turn towards him...
Yeah, just whale on him!
...and then, how many shots for him? I mean, he's a big guy, right? How many shots does that take?
I dunno, three? Three shots?
Okay, three shots. Okay, Tuco and Gonzo, two men down... Now, is there anyone else there? I mean, Tuco is usually with someone else, right? Maybe even a couple of guys, his- his dealers, his posse? [Jesse is unable to answer] Alright. So, we'll put a pin in that one, too. Now at this point, how many shots have been fired? I mean, you've gotta be running low, right? How many bullets does that gun even take?
[Jesse tries to open the gun to check, but is unable to do so, and eventually puts it down in defeat]
How can you suggest that we kill a man and you can't even open the gun? It's not that easy, is it?
Hey, man, Walt... You did it.
Look, it's got five bullets. I finally figured out how to... [struggles to open the gun]Look, I just finally... [gets it open] I figured it out. I say we get a second gun. Right? For you? I mean, don't we like double our chances? I mean, mathematically?
I've got a better idea.
Oh, thank God! Alright, what is it, Mr. White? Lay it on me.
[holds up a small bag of...] Beans.
Beans?
They're castor beans.
So what are we gonna do with them? Are we just gonna grow a magic beanstalk, huh? Climb it and escape?
We are going to process them into ricin.
Rice and beans?
[rolls his eyes] Ricin. It's an extremely effective poison. It's toxic in small doses. Also fairly easy to overlook during an autopsy.
Alright. Alright, so...
[slaps Jesse's hand away from the beans] Don't touch them!
Seriously? You can get poisoned from beans?
Yes. Back in the late ‘70s, ricin was used to assassinate a Bulgarian journalist. The KGB modified the tip of an umbrella to inject a tiny pellet into the man’s leg. And we’re talking about an amount not much bigger than the head of a pin.
But it... it killed him?
Oh, yes. Now, we just need to figure out a delivery device. And then, no more Tuco.
I need support. Me, the almost forty-year old pregnant woman with the surprise baby on the way. And the husband with lung cancer who disappears for hours on end and I don't know where he goes and he barely even speaks to me anymore. With the moody son who does the same thing. And the overdrawn checking account. And the lukewarm water heater that leaks rusty-looking crap and is rotting out the floor of the utility closet and we can't even afford to fix it! But oh, I see! Now I'm supposed to go, "Hank, please, what can I possibly do to further benefit my spoiled, kleptomaniac bitch sister who somehow always manages to be the center of attention?" 'Cause God knows she's the one with the really important problems!
S2 E2Grilled
Last two days, I couldn’t get Gonzo on the phone. He’s been acting all pouty on account of No Doze. Explain to me. How is it my fault that that little bitch did not know his place? [pause] I saw this coming. I can see the future, you know? It’s this gift that I have deep inside my head. I knew last night they were gonna come try and bust me. Gonzo...he went and snitched to the cops! That LOUSY SON OF A BITCH! I TRUSTED HIM LIKE A BROTHER! [grabs knife] I WAS GOOD TO HIM! I WAS GOOD!!!! I see Gonzo, [starts stabbing the table with the knife] I'M GONNA GUT HIM, I'M GONNA SKIN HIM, AND I'M GONNA STUFF HIS HIDE FOR A HEAVY BAG!!!!!!! And every time I hit him, it's gonna be like a lesson to myself! YOU NEVER, NEVER TRUST THE PEOPLE THAT YOU LOVE!
[long pause] So, you plan to, uh, ice Gonzo, like...future tense?
What?
You're saying, Tuco... You're saying Gonzo is currently operating as a police informant as far as you know? [Tuco nods] I'm very sorry to hear that. That's disappointing.
Yeah. I would waste him, too, yo.
Shut up.
Okay.
Chemotherapy and marijuana go together like apple pie and Chevrolet.
[Walter and Jesse lament over their failed attempt at poisoning Tuco with a meth sample laced with ricin]
Chili powder. Did I not already tell you how moronic that was?
Whatever, man. At least I tried something. Hey, it almost worked, too. How's about you leaving my gun, huh? First you boost it, then you leave it in your house. My gun.
How was I supposed to know you were chauffeuring Tuco to my doorstep?
Well, at least he wants you alive.
We need a plan.
Think, think. Let's just bum rush him, man. You know, you crack him over the head with something and I'll go for his gun.
Crack him over the head with something? [sarcastically holds up a fly swatter]
You got the C, man, alright? You're as good as checked out already, okay? You should be all like sacrificial, jumping on a grenade, yo. Just...
Oh, so my life is not the priority here because I'm gonna be dead soon anyway? That's your point?
Uh, yeah?
[Hector, Tuco's invalid uncle, keeps ringing his bell after catching Walter and Jesse attempting to poison Tuco's food]
What? What do you want?! No. Don't even tell me you're hungry. Don't go there. [notices Hector staring at Walter and Jesse; laughs] Are you mad doggin' them, tio? What, you don't like them? [Hector rings the bell] One ding. That means yes. Tio don't like you. Why don't you like them, tio? You don't trust them? [Hector rings the bell] Why don't you trust them, tio?
Tuco, c'mon. Hey, he's–There's clearly some dementia. He's not lucid.
Shh! Did they do something to you, tio? Was it something that you don't like? [Hector rings the bell] What did they do to you? WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY TIO?!
Nothing, nothing.
BULLSHIT! MY TIO DOES NOT LIE!
I don't know. I swear, I don't know. No, maybe it was–I did change the channel on his TV, but, uh...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it. While you were cooking, you know, he was watching one of those, uh, those, uh, telenovels, y'know, with all those ripe honeys on it? Y'know, he was really into it. [to Walter] I told you not to change the channel, man! Y'know, dude needs his eye candy! That's it!
[laughs] Tio! Is that it, tio? Is that it, tio? Did they change your mamitas? [Hector is silent] What are you telling me, tio? Huh? Are they punking me? [Hector rings the bell]
[Tuco slowly walks toward Jesse]
Hey... No. No, man. No...
COME HERE!
Don't shoot!
[Tuco grabs Jesse and drags him outside]
No, no, Tuco!
[Walter runs after them as Tuco begins to beat up Jesse]
Tuco...
SHUT UP!
[Tuco punches Jesse in the stomach and points the rifle at his head]
No, please, no! God, please, no! Oh, God, I don't wanna die!
Tell me what you did, Walter!
Jesus, I don't wanna die! NO!
TELL ME WHAT YOU DID!
[Walter notices Jesse has dug up a rock]
We tried to poison you. We tried to poison you because you are an insane, degenerate piece of filth and you deserve to die.
[Jesse bashes Tuco in the face with the rock. He drops the rifle into a shallow pit. Walter grabs it as Tuco and Jesse scuffle on the ground. Jesse manages to grab a small pistol tucked into Tuco's belt and shoots Tuco in the gut. Tuco screams in pain]
[kicking Tuco into the shallow pit] Who's the bitch now?!
Let him bleed.
S2 E3Bit by a Dead Bee
[After Walt fakes being in a fugue state by stripping naked in a supermarket as an explanation for his and Jesse's whereabouts]
Well, which supermarket? Is it like a big one? Like a chain?
Marie...
Don't get me wrong. I think it's just great that he's, y'know, back and he's feeling better. I just, I mean, he...naked. He was naked naked in a supermarket. It wasn't Whole Foods, was it?
[Hank is interrogating Jesse about his car being found at Tuco's hideout]
So who's your chief, little Injun?
What? What does that even mean?
It means I think your story's bullshit. I think you know who Tuco Salamanca was. I think your car was there because you were there. Tuco had a bullet in him when I got there and I think you know something about that, too.
So what're you saying? Like, I shot someone with, like, a gun?
You? No. Only shooting that you do is into a Kleenex.
[Walter is in therapy to help treat his "fugue state"]
Look, doctor, I feel fine. Really. Now, if this is truly necessary, can't I continue as an outpatient?
TTherapist
Walt, a fugue state is a very serious event. What if you were to disassociate when you were driving? What if you were to get into a situation where you could be shot by the police? You understand we can't allow you to leave, until we're certain what happened is a non-recurring event. Saying you feel fine doesn't solve this.
[beat] Would you tell me about patient confidentiality?
TTherapist
It's very straightforward; without your permission, I can't disclose anything you tell me to anyone.
What about my family?
TTherapist
Not to your family, not to the police, not to anyone. The only exception would be if you threatened to kill someone... then I'd be able to tell that person, but only that person.
And you–as a medical practitioner–you abide by these strictures absolutely?
TTherapist
Yes.
Alright... there was no fugue state. I remember everything. [stands up; removes tubing] The truth is... I couldn't stand to spend another second in that house. I just had to...get out, and so I left. I didn't think about it, I just did it. I-I walked for a long time, and when I couldn't walk anymore, I hitchhiked. I got as far as Gallup... [sighs] ...and then it was just time to come home.
TTherapist
So, being found naked in a supermarket; that was your way of giving credibility to a lie, of avoiding questions about your disappearance? Why run away? What did you feel you had to run from?
Doctor, my wife is seven months pregnant with a baby we didn't intend. My fifteen-year old son has cerebral palsy. I am an extremely overqualified high school chemistry teacher. When I can work, I make $43,700 per year. I have watched all of my colleagues and friends surpass me in every way imaginable, and within eighteen months, I will be dead. And you ask why I ran?
[Hank and Gomez have had Tuco's uncle Hector brought to the interrogation room in hopes that he'll identify Jesse]
Gomie, you want to do the honors?
[in Spanish] Good afternoon, Mr. Salamanca. Do you understand English?
[Hector rings the bell]
What does that mean?
NNurse
That means, "yes". "Yes" is a bell, "no" is no bell.
Oh, c'mon! This is bullshit! I mean, look at this dude, alright? He doesn't even know what planet he's living on!
Señor, are we on the planet Mars? [pause; no bell] Are we on the planet Saturn? [pause; still no bell] Are we on the planet Earth? [Hector rings the bell] Señor, is today Friday? [pause; no bell] Is today Monday? [pause; still no bell] Is today Tuesday? [Hector rings the bell]
Okay, seems like he's all there. Let's go for it.
Señor, was this man at your house yesterday? [long pause; Hector does nothing] Señor, was this man at your house yesterday?
This guy right here, he was at your house, right? Was he doing business with your nephew Tuco?
Señor, are you scared of this man?
Nah, he's not scared. C'mon granddad, why don't you wanna help us out?
[Hector turns to Hank, stands up, and defecates in his chair]
Oh, man!
I guess that's a "no"....
Pay phone?
Pay phone, middle of nowhere, nobody followed. So how'd it go?
Okay. You?
They sweated me plenty, but they finally cut me loose. So you getting out of there?
Walter Tomorrow. So who came for you? The DEA? What'd they ask you?
Yeah, that's the thing, y'know? Your scumbag brother-in-law took my rainy day fund.
Your what? What is that?
My rainy day fund, $68,000, okay? Cue ball son of a bitch laughed in my face. Now I got, like, eighty bucks to my name.
Wait, wait, what does he know? Does he know it's your money?
No, man, he doesn't know shit, okay? The plan worked. He bought it. I got bills due, man. I'm screwed.
Did he mention my name?
No, thanks for caring.
How about the basement?
It's clean.
And the RV?
Badger's cousin took it to his garage. It's safe.
Can he get it running again?
Why?
So we can cook.
You still wanna cook? Seriously?
What's changed, Jesse?
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