Well, why does anything matter, right? Love is an illusion, and happiness is fleeting, and there's no such thing as God, and all your favorite musicians beat their wives. Allegedly.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[Todd trips into huge pile of beer cans] Boo! Party foul! You knocked over Bucking-can Palace.
Uh, sorry, I'll clean that up later.
Listen to this guy, "clean it up later." He hasn't picked up his shit in years.
Pick up your shit, Todd!
[on the phone] Hey, BoJack! What kind of pants are you wearing right now?
What? The normal kind?
Yeah? Are they comfy? A comfy pair of pants?
I guess. Why?
Oh, I was just wondering what kind of hit you're gonna take when the studio sues the pants off you for breach of contract.
They're suing me? Also, are you wearing comfortable shoes? Because that was a long road to walk to get to that punchline.
WWanda
I can't be around someone who's just fuelled by bitterness and negativity.
Well then, what are you doing here?
WWanda
What happened, BoJack?
Same thing that always happens. You didn't know me. Then you fell in love with me. And now you know me.
WWanda
You know, it's funny. When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.
[talks to Diane about Mr. Peanutbutter] Why won't you go home?
I should. I know I should. I wish I could just go home right now and crawl into bed and not have to talk about anything or explain anything. He would just say, "How was your day?" And then he would say, "Hey, did you know the monorail was invented by George Monorail?" And I would say, "I don't think that's true." And he would say, "Well, if he didn't invent it, he certainly perfected it." And I wouldn't have to say "I'm sorry I left. I'm sorry I made things so difficult. I'm sorry I'm not the person I thought I was." I would just say, "My day was good." And he would say, "I love you." [BoJack pauses for a beat]
You know the longer you keep lying to him, the harder it's gonna get.
[after being caught in compromising positions with Penny] Charlotte, I'm so sorry! I--
CCharlotte
Don't. Don't you dare. If you're not out of my driveway in thirty minutes, I will call the police. And if you ever try to contact me or my family again, I will fucking kill you.
Oh, hey. You're still here.
Yep. Still here.
Idea for a new app: an undo button that can undo long amounts of time. Three months. A year. A life. One click and everything could just go back to the way it was.
Thank you for that lovely song. But, I'm not a good person. In fact, this is the only good thing I've ever done. And I did it by accident. And it just goes to show you - life is just....ah, what am I saying? I don't have to tell you how hard life is. You're the ones with the dead parents.
OOrphan
MY PARENTS ARE DEAD?!?!?
No, no! not necessarily? Maybe they just didn't want you.
My point is, I don't understand how people live. It's amazing to me that people wake up every morning and say "Yeah! Another day! Let's do it!!" How do people do it? I don't know how.
Hey. I hope you find a way to be happy, BoJack. I really do.
Yeah. Okay.
I can't leave. I need to take suggestions.
Okay, well, here's a suggestion. Your name is Todd, you're twenty-four, you live on my couch, and you've always seen the good in me somehow. And now you've been brainwashed into thinking you belong here, but you don't. You belong back home. So if you're any kind of improviser, you'll take that suggestion, and you'll run with it.
It was hashbrowns! Not pancakes. The first morning you stayed with me, you kept making them, and I kept eating them. And then I threw up in the pool and that made you throw up in the pool. And then I got mad at you for throwing up in my pool, but you said "I'll clean it up."
And did I clean it up?
No. You didn't. I had to call the pool cleaner.
[chuckles]
And you said "Thank you for letting me stay here, I don't have anywhere else to go." And I remember when you said that. I don't have anywhere else to go because I felt good about myself. And I... and I don't feel that way a lot. Letting you stay with me was the best thing I ever did on purpose. And I don't think I ever told you that, but I should have. Because you're my best friend, Todd.
JBJogging Baboon
It gets easier.
Huh?
JBJogging Baboon
Everyday, it gets a little easier.
Yeah?
JBJogging Baboon
But you gotta do it everyday. That's the hard part. But it does get easier. [jogs away]
[to himself] Okay.
JDJ.D. Salinger
I'm taking the show off the air.
PPinky
Wait, what? Why!?
JDJ.D. Salinger
I've told the story I wanted to tell. To prolong it for commercial reasons would be crass and inorganic. At long last, the public knows what Hollywoo stars and celebrities know and what they don't know. Did they know things? We found out.
PPinky
My wife was right about me. I am no Christopher-from-the-Tesla-dealership.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's BoJack Horseman pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.