I already picked a corner for the bathroom. That one, where I went.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Are you kidding? I wish I could afford a urinal cake ad.
Ooh! All this talk about cake is making me hungry!
Gene, are you kidding me?! The name of the restaurant is Bob's Burgers! You live above it! You work in it every day!
Well I call you "Dad"! I think of it as "Dad's Burgers!"
My uncle Paddy told me about it. He used to work in Caffery's, back in the fifties. He was his maid.
Your uncle Paddy... was a maid?
All maids were men back then. Until women joined the workforce and took all the maid jobs away.
Alright girls! Go girls!
[worried] They're not here! I got Tina's diary, let's see if it says anything. [reads diary] "Dear Diary, tonight we're sneaking into the dangerous taffy factory. Also, if boys had uteruses they'd be called duderuses".
Ha, "duderuses."
I just can't stop banging things down here, the acoustics are great. Tina what song is this? [bangs brick on wall]
"Aqua Boogie," by P-funk?
Yes! Wow.
Action!
[practicing] As you know, sir, we have several loans with your institution, all "past due." But what does "past due" even mean, you know?
It's brilliant! There's no such thing as time!
Gene was past due, and he came out fine.
I wish I'd stayed in there! [Dives under the table]
Hey! Get outta there!
LEMME IN!
Gene! Bob!
D’oh.
[annoyed] This is your son.
Sorry, Gene, no backsies.
You can't put the candy back in mom's wrapper.
I will punch you.
IInvestigator
I will punch YOU!
Ooh! He will!
I dreamed that I was breastfeeding Gene again, but he had a long, white beard, like Santa Claus. It was really freaky.
[suddenly perks up] That could be our next Christmas card.
CCoach
You know the rules, Louise: no hats in the gym.
And I told you I have a raging staph infection under here. You touch this hat and we all go down! You want to play dodge ball in the hospital?
We have no PE for the rest of the year, my friends.
Yeah! Who needs it?
[Gene tries to open the door but can't]
Here, let me try.
[Tina opens the door easily]
Wow. I need to exercise.
Wow. Louise, You pulled a Caddyshack?
What's a Caddyshack?
The movie, Caddyshack.
I don't know it.
Wait, so, you you didn't just throw a candy bar in the pool?
No.
Wow
Yeah.
That's impressive.
Are we just going to ignore the fact that Louise just pooped in the pool?
Ignore it? I named it. Jezebel.
Awwww. My little grandoody.
You were right, Bob. I needed to let my baby birds fly. My bratty little baby birds fly with their crappy little wings. Sometimes you gotta push 'em out the window.
Yeah.
You gotta just push 'em right out there and if they fall flat [slaps hands together] then that's them.
I had the video game company take your game away because I love you. It's like the time you took away the credit card from me when I was ordering all those porcelain babies.
[in flashback]
[singing] If you're not real, then how come I feel this way, lil' babies!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Bob's Burgers pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.